S5 E166 · Wed, November 05, 2025

Is A.I. hijacking your child's growth? The parenting survival guide.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? "Learning is struggle, and kids need to get comfortable struggling with learning."  That's according to Jenny Anderson, who spends much of her time writing about what is happening at the frontline of parenting, education and AI. She explains that the big problem for educators and parents who want the best for their kids is that Silicon Valley is trying to take away as much of the struggle as possible. "The F word in Silicon Valley is friction. They want to get rid of friction, right?"  AI is now sweeping across every platform we use and for us parents, who felt blindsided by the introduction of smartphones, this is yet another challenge where we're navigating the frontline of something we don't fully understand.  In this interview Jenny gives us some excellent advice on how to navigate the latest challenge we've been handed, in a way that doesn't make life much harder for us and ensures our kids get the best rather than the worst out of this new technology.  Jenny Anderson:  https://www.jennywestanderson.org/ https://substack.com/@jennywesta Teenagers Untangled Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S5 E165 · Wed, October 29, 2025

Mental health problems in teenagers. We can't just blame phones.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Why is it that so many teenagers today seem to be struggling with mental health? In this conversation, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Matt Richtel reveals the surprising science behind adolescent development, explaining why teens aren't 'difficult' they're doing an important job and how there's a fundamental mismatch between biological adolescent development and the world in which we now life.  One of the key problems nowadays is that kids are going into puberty earlier, while the information age is bombarding them with vast amounts of new data and ways of comparing themselves before they're developmentally ready. In response, instead of going out to conquer the world, they're now conquering on the inside, which is why he's called them Generation Rumination.  What explains adolescent behaviors, risk-taking, reward-seeking, and the ongoing mental health crisis? How does adolescence shape the future of the species? What is the nature of adolescence itself? In this episode, Matt explains why the neurological mismatch between an ultra-potent environment and a still-maturing brain can lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health challenges.  More importantly, he gives us solid, science-backed techniques, to help our kids navigate a difficult new world. Matt Richtel: https://www.mattrichtel.com/ For a PDF printout of the advice given by Matt in this episode go to Rachel's Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Bonus · Sun, October 26, 2025

Motivational feedback, a happiness hack, and letting your teen sleepover after a party

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The happiess hack article by Dana Millbank: https://www.washingtonpost.com/climate-environment/2025/10/24/happiness-purpose-community-contribution/ Checkout my Substack: teenagersuntangled.substack.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S5 E164 · Wed, October 22, 2025

Drugs: Half of 15 year olds have been exposed. How to talk with your kids about drugs now.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? To lose a child is one of the worst things any of us an imagine. To lose him at 16 to a recreational drug is an unbearable pain. That's what happened to Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE, but she has turned her pain into an incredible quest to turn her 'I wish I'd known', suffering into a book, a drugs education foundation, and support for all of us parents so we never have to go through the pain she has suffered.  In this incredible conversation, Fiona discusses the importance of drug education, the prevalence of drug use among youth, and the need for better parental awareness and conversations.  She emphasizes the significance of understanding drug effects, the rise of synthetic drugs like spice and THC vapes, and the impact of drug use on mental health and addiction. Fiona also highlights the role of peer influence and the importance of providing youth with positive alternatives to drug use, such as sports and community activities. Fiona Spargo-Mabbs OBE: www.dsmfoundation.org.uk If you would like more detail, including a printable PDF covering the important lessons of this episode, join  The Big Hug community at: teenagersuntangled.substack.com Here are just 10 of the things we discuss in this episode: Most teenagers will face a drug-related decision by age 15, even if they don't use drugs themselves The adolescent brain is more vulnerable to drug harm and addiction because it's arleady undergoing to rigorous rewiring Modern drugs are significantly stronger and more dangerous than in previous generations Peer pressure can be positive - teens can help each other make safer choices Having pre-planned "escape strategies" and reasons to say no can help teenagers avoid risky situations Connection and positive activities (sports, music, volunteering) are powerful alternatives to drug use Parents should have frequent, short conversations about drugs rather than one big intimidating talk Synthetic drugs like spice can be extremely dangerous, with one in six school vapes potentially containing harmful substances Understanding how drugs actually work in the brain helps teenagers make more informed decisions The most effective approach is being a supportive, non-judgmental parent who provides reliable information and creates a safe space for honest conversations Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't

Bonus · Sun, October 19, 2025

Grief, university, rules and consequences, raising boys, chores and phones. Community Catch Up

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? For this Sunday catch up I was joined by Susie Asli to discuss the challenges of parenting during times of personal loss, such as the death of a pet or a parent.  We share our experiences of our children’s different reactions to grief and the importance of allowing them to grieve in their own ways.  We also talk about the transition to university, the generational differences in parenting, and the importance of respecting teenagers’ independence. I introduced a new app called Foqos, which helps manage device usage, and emphasised the need for parents to model good behavior and maintain open communication with their children. Full episode links, and other details, will be available to Substack subscribers teenagersuntangled.substack.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S5 E163 · Wed, October 15, 2025

Most teenagers aren't getting enough sleep. Here's how to fix it.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Sleep's a FREE performance-enhancer, so why are so many teens not getting enough? For us parents, sleep is the thing we all obsess about when we first bring our babies home, but if you're anything like me by the time they hit teens we've become pretty lax around that solid bedtime routine. In fact, research shows that around 2/3rds of teenagers aren't getting adequate sleep. Why does this happen? In my case, I was exhausted from years of implementing a solid routine and they had become more interesting, so I wanted to spend more time with my kids in the evening. They were also busy doing other things; sports, socialising, homework. Mostly, I think it's not a goal we target or brag about, so it becomes the silent victim of our busy lives. That's why I decided it was time to talk to an expert (and parent who's navigated this) on sleep. In this conversation Jessica Bryant of the Better Sleep Council helps us parents really think about our family attitude to sleep, how to support our teens in getting the amount they need, and to problem-solve your struggles. Thanks to all of you lovely listeners who sent in your questions. Jessica Bryant Sleep Happy Consulting https://www.sleephappyconsulting.com/ The original sleep episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/ RESEARCH:  Showed insufficient sleep on an average school night was reported by 68.9% of students. It was associated with higher odds of current use of cigarettes, marijuana, current sexual activity, seriously considered attempting suicide, feeling sad or hopeless, physical fighting, not being physically active: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21843548/ Cross-national variations in adolescent sleep patters: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375375396_Cross-National_Variations_in_Adolescent_Sleep_Patterns_A_Time-Use_Study?utm_source=chatgpt.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.insta

S5 E162 · Wed, October 08, 2025

Preventing our kids from developing eating disorders, with food psychologist Dr Anna Colton. 162

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Whatever food fears we've inherited, or learned, will be passed on to our kids unless we understand and challenge our beliefs, according to food psychologist, Dr Anna Colton.  As she rightly points out, fear-mongering about killer bars or toxic foods is way more dangerous, long-term, than the food itself. In this episode we talk openly about my own struggles with my family's attitude to food, and Dr Colton explains in detail why it's way better to prevent our kids developing issues than it is to deal with the terrifying results of an eating disorder. As she says: 'Eating disorders really do kill.' She wants to help us parents raise a generation that trusts their bodies and enjoys food without guilt, fear or shame. In this episode we talk about how to: Recognize early signs of disordered eating Speak neutrally about food and body image Protect your children from harmful diet culture messaging Understand the complex factors behind eating disorders Create a supportive home environment that promotes healthy eating habits The shocking study that proved anorexia is cause by weight loss. Whether you're parenting teens, tweens, or younger children, this episode offers practical strategies to help your kids develop a positive relationship with food and their bodies. Dr. Colton's expert advice will empower you to break generational cycles of unhealthy attitudes about eating and self-image. Dr Anna Colton https://www.dranna.co.uk https://www.instagram.com/the_food_psychologist/ BOOKS:   How to Talk to Children about Food by Dr Anna Colton Anorexia and Other Eating Disorders: How to Help Your Child Eat Well and be Well by Eva Musby Good Girl by Hadley Freeman EPISODES: Body image:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/body-image-and-chores-helping-teenagers-to-develop-a-positive-body-image-also-getting-your-teena/ Healthy Eating: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screens-and-teens-heres-how-to-help-them-and-yourself-manage-your-time-also-can-we-talk-about-h/ Bigorexia:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/ Does my teen need to lose weight:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/diet-does-my-teen-need-to-lose-weight-how-to-navigate-diet-culture-with-elyse-resch/ Eating Disorders:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eating-disorders-an-interview-with-beat-representative-umairah-malik-what-we-parents-need-to-know/ <a re

Bonus · Mon, October 06, 2025

Oxford University, Screen Time, Homework and Listener Letter: School Refusal

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? teenagersuntangled.substack.com School Avoidance: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/school-avoidance-what-to-do-if-your-teen-is-missing-school/ The Disengaged Teen: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/ Anxiety: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-in-teenagers-also-rules-and-how-to-set-ones-your-teens-will-follow/ Andrew Hampton: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Ned Johnson: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stop-pushing-your-kids-the-link-to-success-resilience-and-reduced-stress-with-ned-johnson/ Dr Greg Walton: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/145-spot-magic-moments-that-can-set-up-a-lifetime-of-success-with-advice-from-one-of-psychology/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S5 E161 · Wed, October 01, 2025

Stop pushing your kids: The science of success, resilience, and reduced stress with Ned Johnson. 161

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Is your kid stressed or lacking motivation? What if the antidote was pushing them less and giving them more of a sense of control over their lives?  It doesn't mean giving up your authority as a parent. As elite teen coach, Ned Johnson, explains the science tells us we can help our child sculpt a brain that is resilient, and ready to take on new challenges if we stop taking over. In his practice he uses science, behavioural therapy and extensive case studies to offer help kids who're struggling with stress, anxiety, or lack of motivation. His mantra is that as parents, we need to get out of our kids' way. We can only drive our kids so far. At some point, they will have to take control over their own path and our job is to help them develop the skills to do that.  Introducing technology to teenagers: My Substack Big Hug Guide Learned Helplessness at Fifty: Insights from Neuroscience https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4920136/ Failure to Launch: Ken Rabow   https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/ Spark: The Revolutionary New Science of Exercise and the Brain by Dr. John Ratey. The Tech Exit book: https://www.sheldonpress.co.uk/titles/clare-morell/the-tech-exit/9781399828208/ Never Enough book: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/about-never-enough 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ Intrinsic Motivation and Positive Development: Reed Larson https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/23259190/ Default Mode Network:   https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26168472/ Ned on TikTok:  https://www.tiktok.com/@theothernedjohnson/video/7005943445646855429?is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1&lang=en Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Subst

Bonus · Sun, September 28, 2025

Community Catch Up: Instagram, a chores hack, and swearing.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? SUBSTACK: The Big Hug Guide to dealing with phones and devices. https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagers?r=2u24i0&utm_medium=ios REPORT on Instagram Accounts: https://fairplayforkids.org/wp-content/uploads/2025/09/Teen-Accounts-Broken-Promises-How-Instagram-is-failing-to-protect-minors.pdf BOOK: Dr Catherine Knibbs - cyber trauma expert https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/phone-bans-how-parents-can-keep-their-kids-safe-and-happy-online/ DELAY SMARTPHONES: Other options available: https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/take-action/parent https://www.waituntil8th.org/ https://delaysmartphones.org.uk/ https://www.kidsfornow.org.uk/ https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/ SWEARING:  Starting secondary school: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/139-preparing-for-secondary-school-friendship-groups-and-those-awkward-talks-about-porn-and-sexti/ Girl friendship groups: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/ Andrew Hampton on girls starting senior school: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Swearing: Second part of this episode https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ I do have an episode about staying connected. I think it’s the second part of this. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're

S5 E160 · Wed, September 24, 2025

Transforming difficult, disruptive kids.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all want our kids to feel they belong and have purpose, but what simple things can we do at home and in schools that will help them develop what they need? In this interview you'll hear so many great tips we can put in place at home that will help our kids thrive.  In 2007, Tish co-founded Jamie’s Farm with her son Jamie, a teacher and farmer. LINK: https://jamiesfarm.org.uk/people/tish-feilden/ The residential visits for disadvanteged kids, who are disengaged or disruptive at school, give them experience of eating as a family around a table, setting aside their digital devices, and creating a structure for positive recognition of those around them.  Since its founding, Jamie’s Farm has supported over 16,000 young people across six farms in the UK and delivered significant, lasting improvement to young people’s social and emotional health as well as school attendance and attainment.  Tish has background as a foster parent and teacher, she went on to build a 30-year career as a psychotherapist, including working  with teenagers, families, and the supervision of school counsellors. Tish Fieldon's 10 Transformative Tips for Parents and Teachers  Understand the Teenage Brain Recognize that teenagers operate differently from adults Avoid logical lectures - they rarely work Redirect energy positively instead of shutting down natural curiosity Create Meaningful Connection Have regular family meals together Make time for genuine conversations Practice "check-ins" where everyone shares how they're feeling Limit Technology Set clear boundaries with phones Create phone-free zones and times Prioritize Sleep Ensure teenagers get adequate rest Establish consistent bedtime routines Understand sleep is crucial for brain development and emotional regulation Embrace Nature Encourage outdoor activities Take walks together Explore local trails and green spaces Foster Purpose Give teenagers meaningful tasks Involve them in community projects Help them feel they're contributing Celebrate their achievements Practice Positive Reinforcement Focus on strengths Give genuine compliments Do "shout-outs" recognizing good qualities Learn from positives, not just correction Create Safe Spaces for Communication Be authentic Share your own experiences Listen without judgment Make conversations feel natural Teach Life Skills Discuss practical adulting topics Cook together Build confidence thro

Bonus · Sun, September 21, 2025

Phones, rules, Simps and the BOP house: Sunday community catch up

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? David Yeager Episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ Substack link: https://substack.com/home/post/p-173251649 Simp:  A simp is an internet slang term for someone, typically a man, who is excessively attentive, deferential, or overly accommodating to another person, especially a romantic interest, in the hope of winning their affection or attention, often without reciprocation BOP House:  Bop House is a content creator collective launched in December 2024 by Sophie Rain and Aishah Sofey. The group consists of eight Only Fans creators living together in a mansion in Florida Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S5 E159 · Wed, September 17, 2025

Conflict resolution skills for parents. Vintage. 159

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding. LUFU technique (Listening Until Fully Understood) Conflict Resolution Techniques, Assertive Communication   * O - Objective description of behavior   * F - Feelings expression   * A - Effect on relationships   * Pausing and listening strategies My Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/good-parenting-starts-with-your-values?r=2u24i0 Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/ RESOURCES: An excellent book:   Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson  Websites used: https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teens https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015   https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249 Other sources of help: https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/ https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/ http://www.familylives.org.uk/ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenag

S5 E158 · Wed, September 10, 2025

Teens Talk: The good and bad of smart phones and social media. 158

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? FREE GUIDE: HOW TO THINK THROUGH DEVICE USE FOR YOUR TEENS https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/teens-and-screens-the-big-hug-teenagers Smartphones can be massively problematic in the hands of the young, mainly because of what kids can access through them. Social media can have a magnetic pull for adolescents who're trying to figure out their identity and fit in, meanwhile predators are well aware of the various access points provided. So are there any positives? Is it even justifiable to give our kids a smartphone, and at what age is it suitable?  My teens have very kindly agreed to chat openly about their experiences, both the good and bad, to give us parents a chance to think through our own approach. We now know so much more now about the issues phones and social media raise, and I hope this conversation helps you by reducing guilt and encouraging you to engage with the issue by thinking clearly about your own values and the individual children you have.  NOTE: My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD, which is why she has strong opinions on the subject.  In this episode we explore the pros and cons of social media platforms like TikTok, Instagram, with one of my daughters explaining why Snapchat is particularly stressful due to streaks and friendships.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/snapchat-a-fantastic-way-to-connect-or-a-cynical-exploitation-of-your-teenagers-time/ What comes through clearly is the importance of parental involvement, setting boundaries, and understanding the impact of social media on mental health and friendships.  We give you the good and bad:  From predator problems, self-image issues, political echo chambers, misinformation, AI and a lengthy digital footprint, sleep issues, and stress...  To opportunities for minorities to find support and perspectives that differ from those in their school, ways to find role models, language to describe their experiences, creative outlets and ideas about fashion and style.  OTHER EPISODES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/112-boys-looks-and-masculinity-on-social-media-the-hard-and-soft-of-looksmaxxing/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going

S5 E157 · Wed, September 03, 2025

School: what to do when things go wrong with the Good Schools Guide. 157

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When things go wrong at school parents are bound to feel stressed, wanting the problem to be resolved as soon as possible. But - in the UK at least - the current complaints system is "working for no one", according to the Government's Education Secretary. Jason Elsom, CEO of charity Parentkind, says there's been a surge in parental complaints, that are being amplified via WhatsApp: Quoted in The Times “We are seeing a tsunami of parental complaints. It is never right to name and shame a school or engage in a WhatsApp pile-on, but schools need to make sure they have thought through how they engage parents to nip issues in the bud.” The charity Parentkind found in a poll of 2,000 parents that 38% had filed a formal school complaint in the past year, with the total number of complaints exceeding five million in just one year. Common areas of concern included bullying, student safety, school discipline and behaviour policies, homework, and teacher conduct. Elsom says says Parents are under enormous pressure with a cost-of-living crisis and ever increasing challenges at home, which sometimes spills over into the classroom, with parents complaining to schools about what they are hearing from their children and on WhatsApp groups.“ Meanwhile nearly two thirds, or 65%, of school leaders say parental complaints increased during the 2023/24 academic year in a survey by UK and Ireland law firm Browne Jacobson.  Nine in 10 (90%) believe complaints-handling is having a detrimental impact on staff wellbeing, with other knock-on effects cited including the quality of education being delivered (53%) and staff retention (48%). Melanie Sanderson, GOOD SCHOOLS GUIDE: https://www.goodschoolsguide.co.uk/ SOURCE:  https://www.brownejacobson.com/BrowneJacobson/media/Media/education/SLS-findings-Spring-2024.pdf Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teen

Bonus · Sun, August 31, 2025

Sunday Service Community Catch Up

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The benefits of giving our kids an allowance: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/ Catherine Knibbs: CPR Parenting - Consistent, Persistent, Resistent. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/online-safety-why-bans-arent-as-good-as-age-appropriate-boundaries/ Talk to Your Boys: Christopher Pepper The Self-Driven Child: The Science and Sense of Giving Your Kids More Control Over Their Lives by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson. My girls on puberty and toxic friendships: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/147-puberty-toxic-friendships-pick-me-girls-top-tips-for-parenting-teenagers-from-teenagers/ Motherhood and careers: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motherhood-and-careers-can-women-really-have-it-all/ OtoZen — a new driving safety app Are you worried about your teenager getting distracted behind the wheel?  The OtoZen app helps in real time — not just after something’s gone wrong. It has voice alerts, drive scores, and even safe driving challenges you can set together, it’s the kind of tech that actually helps your teen build better habits.  Support the show This episode is sponsored by OtoZen: The brilliant new driving safety app https://www.otozen.com Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E156 · Wed, August 27, 2025

Mental Health, and Teen Phone Use with Oxford Psychologist Lucy Foulkes. 156

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? How we parents manage technology in our homes, and what we put in the hands of our kids, has turned into one of the most hotly debated topics amongst parents and experts.  In this episode, I talk to Dr. Lucy Foulkes, Oxford academic psychologist and author, about social media’s role in adolescent mental health, challenging the narrative popularized by Jonathan Haidt and exploring why phones and social platforms aren’t the universal villains they’re often made out to be.  Dr Foulkes has a fascinating take on mental health and whether our well-intentioned conversations around the subject, especially in schools and on social media, might have gone too far; creating confusion or even anxiety for parents and young people.  If you want a nuanced, evidence-based discussion that will help you support your teen with more confidence and less fear you've found it. Dr. Lucy Foulkes:  Books What Mental Illness Really Is (…and what it isn’t)  Coming Of Age: How Adolescence Shapes Us, Website: https://www.lucyfoulkes.com/ Book recommended: The End of Trauma by George Bonanno It’s important not to pathologize normal adolescent struggles. Not all teenagers have mental health problems. Most are resilient and functioning well.  All distress should be taken seriously, not just clinical disorders. Increased mental health awareness only helps if there is proper back-up and support for those who really need it. Mental health terms are often misunderstood. Words like “OCD” are often used casually, diluting their meaning and making it harder for those with real disorders to be understood and supported. The narrative that phones and social media are causing a mental health crisis is oversimplified and often exaggerated (as in Jonathan Haidt’s work).  Parental engagement and open conversations matter. The best approach is to guide teens in managing technology, set consistent family rules, and model healthy behavior, rather than banning devices or demonizing their use. Both online and offline experiences can be positive or negative; it’s about finding a healthy mix and not assuming one is always better than the other. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my websit

S4 E155 · Wed, August 20, 2025

Lessons in parenting from adult kids who go no contact: 155

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Do you ever worry about losing touch with your kids as they grow up?  In this episode of Teenagers Untangled I'm joined by Catherine Hickem, a licensed clinical social worker, psychotherapist, and founder of Parenting Adult Children Today to explore the growing issue of family estrangement. Catherine is leading a conversation around one of the most overlooked family dynamics: the relationship between parents and their adult children. Despite how common this phase of life is, few resources exist to help parents navigate the transition from authority figure to trusted ally.   *Research shows that about one in four American adults—27%—report estrangement from a family member. Notably, 26% of adult children have experienced estrangement from a father, compared to only 6% from a mother—and many of these rifts eventually heal. We discuss why adult children might cut ties with parents, and what we can do now—while our kids are tweens or teens—to build a strong, lasting relationship. We cover: The most common reasons adult children become estranged from their parents The key mistakes parents make (and how to avoid them) How to adapt your parenting style as your children grow into adulthood The impact of parental expectations, grief, and cultural pressures on family bonds Practical strategies for fostering trust, open communication, and unconditional love Real-life stories of reconciliation and hope Catherine Hickem brings decades of experience working with thousands of families, offering actionable advice and heartfelt encouragement. CATHERINE HICKEM: https://www.parentingadultchildrentoday.com/ https://www.instagram.com/parentingadultchildrentoday/ Research sources: A longitudinal U.S. study (Reczek et al.), Cornell's Fault Lines project, and the YouGov poll conducted in 2022.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https:

S4 E154 · Wed, August 13, 2025

Teens, screens and mobiles: bans and boundaries: 154

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The latest narrative around online safety, phones and devices, is pushing for bans to keep our kids safer and happier. The idea is to give them back their childhood and prevent them from accessing harmful content.   Catherine Knibbs, a child psychotherapist and cyber trauma expert argues in her latest book that social media bans won't work because we can't even properly define what it is we want to ban, and when we do ban devices we actually leave our kids vulnerable.  The thinking is that when we tell our child they can't, we miss out on the opportunity to guide them through what Catherine Knibbs describes as the 'digital city park.'  In Tech Smart Parenting, Catherine gives an alternative to the panic and prohibition many parents feel about technology. Instead, she talks about the stages of allowing our kids access to that park, and how a staged approach that is managed by us parents, will offer the safest route. There are four core risks she's identified that our kids face and that need to be discusssed. Content - what people can access Contact - who they can be put in contact with Consumerism - selling to young and vulnerable minds Conduct - the way they behave in a digital environment In this interview she explains how we can have open, non-judgmental conversations about technology, gives us strategies for setting boundaries without creating shame, supporting neurodivergent children in digital environments and the importance of sitting side by side with our children and learning with them. The acronym she uses to remind us of our role in this journey is CPR: We need to be Consistent in our rules Persistent in their application Resistent to the begging of our kids Personally, I worry that many parents don't have much of an idea of what their kids are being exposed to online and that there needs to be a strong culture of support and education around what their kids might see. I'd be a fan of a 'driving licence' approach, which is why I've created this checklist of things to consider, and will produce a booklet of discussion questions to help us parents understand what needs to be covered when we give our kids a phone.  CHECKLIST OF THINGS TO DISCUSS: Further details coming on my website How much time and when they are online - Ep. 96 Showing up as our best selves online - Ep. 43 Family values - Ep. 93 & Ep. 135 Downloading apps and what needs to be discussed before they do - Ep. 50 Commercialism: how we are being targeted and why it's an issue - Ep. 130 Grooming: spotting the signs - Ep. 67 Sexting - Ep. 4 Porn - Ep. 13 & 64 What to do if thin

S4 E153 · Wed, August 06, 2025

Can we offer other parents support without making them feel criticised or judged? 153

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Judgment can be both useful and harmful. When it works well it's a safety mechanism for keeping kids from being harmed. When it works badly it can create feelings of shame and fear which stop parents reaching out for help, cause us to doubt our instincts and miss the vital importance of connection with our children.  Sometimes, our fear of judgment can even paralyse us parents and stop us making the decision we know would be better for our family. We can't control what others think about us but we can control how we think about ourselves and how we respond to judgment. That's why I've set up this podcast to give you a chance to hear other parents talk about what experts say, and realise that there is absolutely no perfect parent or perfect way to do things.  Personally, I've found parenting more of a haggle than an art. People who think they have the right answer rarely understand the complexities of our own haggle. TOP TIPS SHARED IN THE EPISODE: 1. Lead with Empathy, Not Authority Start by acknowledging how hard parenting can be. "I know how tough it is—I've been there too." This creates a shared experience , not a hierarchy. 2. Ask, Don’t Assume Instead of diving in with advice, invite the conversation: "Would it help if I shared something that worked for me?" "Are you looking for suggestions or just someone to listen?" This gives them control, which preserves their dignity. 3. Share, Don’t Instruct Frame advice as personal experience or something you've come across—not a prescription: "What really helped us was..." "I read something interesting the other day about how teens..." Avoid “should,” “always,” or “never” statements. 4. Validate Before You Advise Before offering tips, show you understand their situation: "That sounds so frustrating—I can see why you're worried." Validation lowers defensiveness and opens them up to ideas. 5. Focus on Curiosity, Not Criticism You might say: "Have you noticed if she gets more upset when..." "Do you think he might be reacting to...?" This invites reflection rather than implying fault. 6. Know When to Just Be There Sometimes advice isn’t what they need—just a calm presence or someone to say: "You're doing better than you think." Mo Gawdat quote: Mo Gawdat defines happiness as a state where your perception of life's events is equal to or greater than your expectations.  Break Ups episode mentioned in the reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/144-first-love-breakups-lgbtq-how-to-support-our

S4 E152 · Wed, July 30, 2025

Why Mothers Aren't Happy: Burnout, Mental Load and the Second Shift. 152

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Women's happiness has been in decline since the 1970's despite increased freedoms and opportunities, says Dr Giselle Goodwin.  I've you've ever felt burnout out and the sense that you're somehow failing at being a woman and a mother you'll have a sense of it happening, but you may feel guilty, particularly given the opportunities we've been given compared with what our own mothers had.  She says that when women were told we could have it all, it seems what we really heard was we must do it all. It's been dubbed The Female Paradox and in this episode Dr Goodwin shares her personal struggles balancing career and motherhood.  She talks us through how societal expectations haven't really changed, even while women are expected to go out to work, resulting in what's been dubbed the "second shift" of domestic responsibilities.  We also explore the Paula Principle, where women often take jobs below their skill level for flexibility to fit in with home life, contrasting it with the Peter Principle where men are promoted above their competence.  In spite of the problems, Giselle emphasizes it's vital for women to be in high-level roles for societal representation and equity and the real work needs to be done in discussions about how we divide up the mental and physical labour of or lives. She advises young people to view their careers as a portfolio, adapting to life's seasons, and encourages midlife reassessment. Dr Giselle Goodwin: https://gisellegoodwin.com/ BOOK: Can Women Really Have it All?: A Happiness Handbook for Working Mothers  Research shows that working mothers experience up to 40% more stress and that women’s happiness has been declining since the 1970s. How do we fix this? Backed by compelling research and packed with actionable suggestions, this groundbreaking book answers the burning questions of working mothers today: Why do so many mothers feel chronically guilty? What actions can women take to improve their own happiness? What changes do we need from society to improve women’s lives? Does working outside the home make mothers happier? Is part-time work the answer, or does it bring its own problems? What advice should we give to our children? Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gma

S4 E151 · Wed, July 23, 2025

Angry teenagers: How to parent tweens and teens through their anger - Vintage. 151

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help  with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions.   www.teenagersuntangled.com  EXCELLENT WORKSHEET: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-anger Here are five key tips for handling a teenager with explosive anger: Normalize the emotion: Help your teen understand that anger is a natural signal, not a problem. Explain the brain changes happening during adolescence that can make emotions intense. Create a safe space: Provide a designated area where they can express anger without judgment. This could be a room, a punching bag, or a place to play loud music and release emotions. Develop a trigger awareness strategy: Work together to identify anger triggers. Create a log to track what situations, comments, or environments set off their anger, and develop coping mechanisms. Practice emotional regulation tools: Teach breathing techniques, use a code word (like "Flint") to signal when they're becoming overwhelmed, and help them recognize physical signs of anger building up. Maintain a supportive relationship: Focus on positive reinforcement, listen without trying to immediately fix the problem, and consistently show love and understanding. Avoid punishment during angry outbursts and discuss strategies calmly when they're calm. RESOURCES USED: Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids . [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often. Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger . [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/. ‌Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide . [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023] Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. </p

S4 E150 · Wed, July 16, 2025

How to Set Boundaries That Actually Work With Teens: Vintage.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Featuring Mindfulness expert, Susie Asli Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle course trying to get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Getting the right balance between love and discipline is incredibly tricky, and for many of us it's a constant haggle. So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care? READ MY BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ TOP TIPS: Focus on Connection and a strong relationship with your teenager.  Let teens experience the direct results of their actions.  Consequences should be clear, time-limited, and directly related to changing the specific behavior. Involve Teenagers in creating consequences. Separate the Behavior from the Person: You love them unconditionally, but don't like the specific behavior. Don't take away activities that support personal development.  Always provide context for rules and consequences. Be Consistent and Fair: Follow through with consequences, but remain flexible and understanding. Notice and acknowledge when they do well to build connection and mutual respect. Seek Support if you're finding it challenging to manage your teenager's behavior. RESOURCES USED: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcB Parenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349 <p

S4 E149 · Wed, July 09, 2025

Motivation: How to motivate a young person, teen or tween: Vintage. 149

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them? According to eminent psychologist, Dr David Yeager, when kids hit puberty they're primarily looking for experiences that give them social status and respect. He says the common belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to miss what really motivates them, and do some pretty dumb things that don't help. In his book, 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, Yeager - who's ranked as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world - explains how the science of motivating young people can help us to harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset so they're motivated to achieve their best. BOOK: 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist yeagerds@austin.utexas.edu TED Talks : Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity? https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en Books referenced: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey Thrivers by Michele Borba Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E148 · Wed, July 02, 2025

Alcohol. A Smart Parents' Guide to Helping Teens Take a Healthy Approach. 148

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? More than half of kids who've drunk alcohol under the age of 15 in the UK were offered it by their parents.  Alcohol has been proven to cause seven types of cancer, according the World Cancer Research. According to other research, the earlier kids try alcohol the higher the risk they'll indulge in binge drinking and any alcohol-related harm. Parents don't want to harm their kids, so why are they giving them alcohol?  According to research done by Community Alcohol Partnerships, parents often assume their kids are going to drink so they would rather it happened at home.  To help us understand the issues, I invited Director of Community Alcohol Partnerships, Kate Winstanley, to talk through what we should be thinking as parents.  PRACTICAL TIPS: Encourage sports, hobbies, clubs and social activities that keep your kids active and fulfilled. Teenagers say boredom is a reason for drinking. Encourage them to get a holiday job or volunteer. Establish routines, like mealtimes, that mean you can spend some time together and talk to each other. This helps your child to feel they can come to you if they have a problem. Know the facts and laws about alcohol and can talk in a balanced and constructive way about the pros and cons of drinking. Talk and listen to your teenager. It is important that they hear your views and that you hear theirs. Use everyday opportunities, for example a storyline in a TV programme, as a prompt. Make sure the ground rules are clear. Have consequences for breaking rules and enforce them. READ MY BLOG ON CONSEQUENCES - https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ Know where they’re going and who they’re with. OTHER RELEVANT HELP: PARTIES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parties-for-teens-and-tweens-invitations-gatecrashers-and-alcohol/ ALCOHOL: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/ CAP : https://www.communityalcoholpartnerships.co.uk/parents-carers/busting-the-myths TALK ABOUT TRUST: https://talkabouttrust.org/parents-carers/ RISKS OF UNDERAGE DRINKING: Immediate risks such as injury, violence, suicide, risky sexual activity, and other substance use; Developmental risks for the brain, liver, skeleton, and endocrine system. In particular adolescence is a critical period in brain development and the effects of alcohol can lead to permanent consequences; Social risks, including an association with future involvement in crime and lower educational outcomes. Worse futu

S4 E147 · Wed, June 25, 2025

Vintage: How to talk so your teenager will listen, and teens wanting to sleep together.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom? Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Daniel Siegel says we need to teach them to have reflective conversations: Numerous brain studies show that when we do this (either with someone else or in our own heads) it stimulates the integration of the prefrontal cortex where planning and problem solving takes place, and allows us to tune into others ie empathy.  How to do it: JoAnn Deak - Girls will be girls. Don’t assume or jump in straight away. Don’t move straight to the fix-it mode. Help them to explore what they’re saying.  Leave some grey areas. Discuss strategies for action. Don't overreact. Once you’re in the strategy phase that’s when your knowledge can help inform the teenager’s decisions.  Don’t be afraid to provide your moral/philosophical bottom line. There are so many grey areas it can be a relief to know there are some black and white’s. Techniques: Parent Gym based on how to talk so your kids will listen. Super silence and active listening. When to do it? Try to develop regular non-crisis moments where conversations can happen. Saying goodnight, car journeys, meal-times, fixing their bike.  Listen to the news together to start a discussion. Get them to entertain you. What’s the gossip? What are you reading? What have you been watching? What’s your favourite music at the moment? Take a genuine interest in their answers.  Books, and materials, we've referenced:  Brainstorm by Daniel Siegel How to talk so your Kids will listen; How to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Girls will be girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak  Parent Gym coaching materials Tangling with your teenager Helen wrote 'My sixteen year old is dating and says he’s in love. What do I do if he brings her home and wants her to stay the night? Do I put them in the same room, or separate them?'  ISSUES: Explore your own  feelings about it, and why? Convey them to your child.  Talk to the other parents to find out how they feel about it. If they aren’t happy, talk to the son about what his alternatives <a rel="pay

S4 E146 · Wed, June 18, 2025

Puberty, toxic friendships, 'Pick me' girls - top tips for parenting teenagers from teenagers. 146

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It's a rare luxury to have both my girls available for half an hour to record an episode, and when I do I love to talk about listeners questions. Poor Amelia had a really bad cold, but she was still keen to help, so sorry about the sniffles. This time we talked about: Puberty and Body Changes Helping girls navigate early stages of puberty Discussing body changes with daughters Approaches to talking about wearing first bras Toxic Friendships Defining what makes a friendship toxic Recognizing unhealthy friendship dynamics Setting boundaries and knowing when to end a friendship Importance of self-worth in friendship. "Pick Me" Girls Origin and meaning of the term Different interpretations of "pick me" behavior Internalized misogyny How the term is used to criticize or police women's behavior Gender Dynamics Male gaze and body shaming Societal expectations for girls and boys Pressures to conform to certain behaviors Importance of being authentic If you have any other questions for my girls don't feel shy about messaging us.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E145 · Wed, June 11, 2025

Support Your Teen Starting University: Including the thing that makes all the difference. 145

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Long term listener, Cathy, has asked us some very heartfelt and important questions about how to support her teen at university. It's an excellent topic for us to tackle since Susie currently has one at university, I have one about to go, and two who have already graduated, one of whom gave me some excellent tips. It's a topic that evokes mixed-emotions for everyone. Here's what Cathy wrote: Please 'discuss how best to support your teen as they go off to university and live away from home for the first time. How about if they don't like their roommate, or they have difficulty sharing a room, or they have problems adjusting academically and or socially to university and they want to come home? Any tips for success?' We’ll be digging into those questions and more. We’ll look at the dropout rates to get an idea of what goes wrong.what challenges students face — from social pressure to mental health — and what you can do now to prepare your teen not just to survive university, but to thrive.  We also share practical tips — like life skills they should master before they go, what kind of support they need once they’re there, and how to let go without disappearing completely. So, whether your teen is packing their bags this summer or just starting to explore their options, this episode will give you real tools to support them — and yourself — during one of the biggest transitions in family life. What struck me was that kids who start out well tend to have much higher rates of completion than those who struggle at the offset. It may seem obvious, but it's a very useful indicator of how important those early days and weeks are.  It fits very neatly with the work of Dr Gregory Walton, Ordinary Magic, who featured in last week's episode. He says there are deep questions we ask at key points in life. These points are TIC's. T: Transitions in life. I: Points at which our Identity as at stake. C: When we have big Challenges.  Often we are not conscious of these questions, but they can play havoc with our lives if we don't deal with them.  The two big questions that comes up for university joiners are: Do I belong? Can I do this? PRINCIPLES FOR THIS FROM ORDINARY MAGIC: 1 - Avoid negative labels. (I'm not bad) 2 - You're not the only one. (It's normal) 3 - Recognise causes taht don't malign you or others. (These are real obstacles for me) 4 - Forecast improvement. (It can get better) 5 - Recognise opportunities (Look for options and silver linings)  I will be urging my daughter

S4 E144 · Wed, June 04, 2025

How to stop a downward spiral before it happens with Dr Greg Walton 'One of psychology's greatest'. 144

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Wouldn't it be great if we knew when and how we parents and teachers can make a massive long-term difference by doing something relatively small? What if we could catch those moments that might set off either an upward or downward spiral, and help our kids find the best path? Well, that's what this episode is all about. Dr Gregory Walton has been described as 'one of psychology's greatest architects of how to change behaviour for good', and 'one of the most important psychologists in a generation'.  He is co-director of Harvard's Dweck-Walton lab and coined the term 'Wise interventions'; things we can do or say that hit the spot just at the point when another person is asking one of life's fundamental questions.  His new book is called, Ordinary Magic. It's all about the science of how we can achieve big change with small acts. These are things that go much further than the small nudges that help people to make better choices. This is the sort of deep magic that can last a lifetime.  Contact Dr Greg Walton:  https://www.gregorywalton.com/ CORE QUESTIONS: Can I do it? Do I belong? Am I enough? Who am I? Do you love me? Can I trust you? KEY POINTS AT WHICH CORE QUESTIONS TEND TO CROP UP: TIF's Transitions Identity  Challenges THE PRINCIPLES FOR THINKING THROUGH 'BAD' EVENTS: Avoid negative labels (I'm not bad) You're not the only one; you're never the only one. (It's normal) Recognise causes that don't malign you or others (I/you face real obstacles) Forecast improvement (It can get better) Recognise opportunities (Silver lining) Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E143 · Wed, May 28, 2025

First love, breakups & LGBTQ. How to support your teen. 143

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? First love can be immensely powerful; a profound and unforgetable journey that shapes who we are. It teaches us about intimacy, boundaries and heartbreak and as parents it challenges all of our skills and perceptions. In this episode my daughter, Phoebe, offered to talk about her first experience; what it taught her, how it changed her, and what she thinks adults need to understand to support their teen; particularly one who is same sex attracted.  What I learned from our experience is that the most important thing is knowing your child is in a kind, honest, loving relationship.  Phoebe reflects on the problems with the long-distance aspect of her relationship, the struggle to gain assertiveness, and the eventual breakup. The conversation also touches on the role of social media, the importance of closure, and the growth Phoebe experienced as a result of her experiences.  TOP BREAK-UP TIPS: Provide time and space for your teenager to process the breakup without pressure. Avoid making judgmental comments about the ex-partner or trying to convince the teenager they are "better off". Support your teenager in finding healthy coping mechanisms, such as focusing on personal goals and interests. Encourage your teenager to set boundaries with the ex-partner, including unfollowing on social media, if needed for the healing process. Recognize that the healing process after a first love breakup can take significant time, often 6 months or more. ADVICE FROM THE LUNA APP: Getting through a break up: Give yourself space if needed; set boundaries that work for you Stay engaged in fun hobbies and activities to distract yourself and make new connections Prioritise self-care: eat well, exercise, sleep, and care for your mental health Be patient; time is a healer Keep a gratitude journal to focus on other positive aspects of your life Talk to someone about your feelings, like a parent or guardian - they will have been there too! Remember that healing takes time, and you'll find a great match in the future How to break up with someone: Reflect on your decision: take time to think about why you need to end the relationship and make sure it's the right decision for you Speak to a parent: in a quiet moment, communicate how you’re feeling to a parent - they will able to offer personalised advice and support which prioritises your wellbeing Prepare for their reaction: understand that everyone reacts differently to break ups. Be emotionally prepared for their response and ensure you're in a safe environment when you have this conversation 🗣 Be honest: give them an explanatio

S4 E142 · Wed, May 21, 2025

Underage sex, loneliness, puberty and finding hobbies. Support for you and your teen. 142

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In this episode I asked Susie to come in and help me tackle some listener questions: QUESTION: After a recent chat with my 13 year old daughter, I'm extremely concerned that she thinks she is ready to have sex with her boyfriend. He's 14, and they have been going out together for a few months. Gosh, they've only recently started kissing. I have been fairly relaxed about it until this recent conversation, and she has told me about a number of girls and boys in her year at school, which is year nine, gosh, who have already had sex, so they say. And she's disregarding my point. Yes, any tips, please?  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/relationships-and-sex-how-young-is-too-young/ QUESTION: I'm a mom of three girls. I have noticed my nine year old has become very self conscious around me, and when I try to talk to her, there is no engagement whatsoever, and she's clearly very uncomfortable. I believe it's related to body changes, which my 11 year old is not yet experiencing I've made numerous attempts to give her space and discuss things, including writing notes, which she totally ignored, hanging around, folding washing near you know that sort of like lurking. She's just not opening up.  BOOK:  What's Happening to Me - Usborne Books Anne of Green Gables QUESTION: Could you cover how to help your teenage daughter when they have no friends and are isolated? Oh, and how to cope with it as a parent? Yeah, I am so worried about my 13 year old daughter that I can't sleep and I feel sick when I think about how lonely she is.  EPISODES COVERING FRIENDSHIPS https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: <

S4 E141 · Wed, May 14, 2025

Why school exam systems need to change and how to support our own kids now.141

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The intense, content-heavy exam system in the UK kicks off at this time of year with GCSEs and A levels; high-stakes exams that can feel like a make-or-break moment for teenagers.  I've already discussed with Susie how we can support our teens through the stress, which you can download here: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ This time I'm joined by journalist Jenny Anderson who writes extensively about education, the attention economy, learning, science and technology. She's co-author of that amazing book, The Disengaged Teen, which I featured in episode 125,  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle/ Jenny has a child who's currently sitting GCSEs so we thought it would be a great time unpack why our current exam system might be doing more harm than good.  We explore the incredible stress these exams create by making kids work to a rigid marking scheme causing both boredom and stress, why intense memorization isn't learning and the widening gulf between our current education system and what's going on in the world of work.  We discuss why exams shouldn't define our children's worth, how to help them manage stress, and why experiences outside the classroom are just as crucial as academic achievements.  Whether your child is currently studying for GCSEs or you're looking ahead, this episode will give you practical strategies to help your teenager navigate this intense period while keeping their confidence and love of learning intact. CONTACT: Jenny Anderson  https://www.jennywestanderson.org/ Instagram @jennyandersonwrites Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E140 · Tue, May 06, 2025

Success: What nobody tells us about the role of siblings. Are parents that important? 140

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? What really shapes success — nature, nurture, luck? It's a perennial question.  The Family Dynamic is a brilliant, captivating exploration of families in which all of the children became high-achievers.  The award-winning author, Susan Dominus, has woven academic research into a book of wonderfully engaging family stories that tease out the role played by our environment: Parents with a bold vision, community, neighbourhoods, and most enlightening of all siblings.  If you’ve ever questioned how important your parenting really is, the impact of siblings on your child's life, the role of community, or whether our kids should do chores, this is a conversation you won’t want to miss. THE BOOK:  The Family Dynamic by Susan Dominus CONTACT DETAILS: Website: Susan P Dominus at susanpdominus.com Instagram: @Sue Dominus Blue Sky: Susan Dominus Facebook: She remains active and friendly on Facebook Additionally, the New York Times Magazine. SIBLINGS:   Based on Susan Dominus's research, siblings play a crucial role in a child's success through several key mechanisms: Motivational Influence 👉Siblings can inspire and push each other to achieve more Knowledge Transfer 👉Successful older siblings often provide guidance about opportunities like college applications and career paths. They can offer vision and perspective that parents might not have. Spillover Effect 👉In lower-income families, the success of one sibling can positively impact younger siblings. When one child achieves, it can create a pathway and belief system for other siblings Mentorship 👉Children are more likely to listen to and be inspired by siblings than parental suggestions Role Modelling 👉Siblings provide each other with an idea of what's possible. In all, the research suggests that if we can encourage healthy, supportive sibling relationships they can have a lasting, empowering impact on the future of the whole family. If you would like to know more about how to set siblings up to have a supportive relationship I also recommend episode 124: Enduring sibling relationships. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My

S4 E139 · Wed, April 30, 2025

Respect, artifical intelligence and toxic femininity - the teenage view.139

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When I asked listeners for their questions one stood out as a worthy of almost an entire episode:  'What does it take to respect people around you, especially your parents?' There's so much that could be said on this topic that it think I might give it a deeper dive at some point, but the insight from my teens was very interesting nonetheless. Artificial Intelligence is everywhere in the news, but what I don't see is a coherent approach across education. Again, it's an area that the sector is struggling to grasp, without clear leadership from the top. I thought it worth getting a snapshot of what's it's like from a teen point of view. Finally, a comment on LinkedIn by Liam McGuire made me stop and think about the concept of Toxic Femininitiy, and why we aren't labelling and discussing certain behaviour by females in the same way that we do when it comes to men.  The upsurge in girls being obsessed with skin care routines, and content from Only Fans leaching into general social media, should surely give us cause to stop and ask why the people peddling this stuff are getting away without being questioned and shamed for their behaviour.  If you'd like support in creating rules and consequences that are based on respect,and that actually work, here's a link to the episode and my blog on the topic: EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/videos/32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ BLOG: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ I'd LOVE to know what you think about the topics we discuss in this episode, or any other questions and topics you would like us to cover. Please email your thoughts to me, Rachel, at teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E138 · Wed, April 23, 2025

Secondary school, friendship groups, and those awkward talks about porn and sexting. 138

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In this episode my teens, Phoebe and Amelia, joined me in the studio to help answer some questions emailed in by listeners, and sent to me on social media.  We kick off by chatting about exploring their identity and what they think is the key to gettting them out of their bedrooms. QUESTIONS: 1: My 14 year old is such a lovely, talented and kind girl. She had lovely friends, and she's very sweet and kind towards them all the time. Exclamation mark, now when she is in a foul mood, I'm the first and only person she takes out her anger and frustration on. Can you shed some light on this scenario for me?   2: I have a 13 year old girl who belongs to one of those large friend groups you discussed on one of the podcasts. Many times she feels left out if she does not get invited to something, I try my best speaking with her and letting her make her own choices on how she handles her feelings. Sometimes I really have the urge to call the other mum who is hosting a group of girls and ask her for help, tell her what's going on. How it sucks to feel left out. I've never called anyone because I want to teach my daughter than life, there were, will be many times like this, and you have to learn to deal with those feelings. And I don't want to be a helicopter mom. Am I doing the right thing? 3: Could you talk about starting secondary school? Can you remember what it was like? Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E137 · Wed, April 16, 2025

How to get your teenager out of their bedroom - even one who's into gaming. 137

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? So many parents feel a deep loss when their teenager begins to separate from them; staying in their room and behaving as if the person they used to adore is the most embarassing thing they have ever witnessed.  In today's episode I brought in Anita Cleare, author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom, to discuss the challenges of parenting teenagers. In her book she covers the key things that drive adolescents to push against us: 1.      Separation – from the family 2.      Autonomy – taking control of their own lives and decisions. 3.      Individuation – defining themselves and their unique identity. 4.      Assimilation – learning to fit in as a member of their society.  And the six common thinking traps parents fall into. Overgeneralising – we reach a negative conclusion based on just one incident. Catastrophic thinking – tends to involve worrying way into the future. Parents especially prone to this thinking trap when we identify additional factors which seem to add weight to our catastrophic thoughts. Should/Shouldn’t – usually happens when our expectations are not met. My teen should know better by now, they’re x years old, they should be able to remember simple instructions. Mind reading – we assume we know what’s going on in our teen’s mind without asking them.  Comparisonitis – If your teen is truly struggling with their self-esteem or mental health, even simple everday event like turning up to watch a sports match knowing that theyour tene is at home because they can’t face it can set off heart-breaking comparisons.  It’s all about me! – we want our efforts to be recognised and appreciated, which when it comes to teens, is a bit of a problem. Teens are deeply self-absorbed and trying to separate from you to become independent.  We explored how we parents can better manage ourselves - and our own expectations - so that we can build emotionally supportive connections with our teens which will encourage them to come out of their room.   Anita highlights the significance of phones and gaming in teenagers' lives, suggesting strategies to manage screen time and maintain positive relationships.  We also addressed the importance of recognizing that bad behaviour can be hiding low moods. What to look for and how to provide a supportive environment. ANITA CLEARE: https://anitacleare.co.uk/ BOOK: How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by goin

S4 E136 · Wed, April 09, 2025

Identity formation - the main job of a teenager? 136

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In psychology, the term "identity" is most commonly used to describe the distinctive qualities or traits that make an individual unique. Identities are strongly associated with self-esteem, and individuality and - for a teenager - forming their identity is a crucial job.  It's been over two years since I created the first episode looking at the topic of identity formation. In this episode I have pulled material from the orginal discussion, and brought in Susie to revisit the topic so we can discuss what we have learned during our parenting journeys. One of the key issues we discuss is the importance of being flexible and not fixing a child's identity, so they have room to develop and grow. We can help this by supporting their teens' self-worth and personal growth; having open discussions about perceptions and roles.  BOOKS: Inventing Ourselves; The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah Jayne Blakemore His Dark Materials - Phillip Pullman How to Raise a Healthy Gamer - Dr Alok Kanojia RESOURCES: Identity https://www.choosingtherapy.com/identity-crisis/ https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/#:~:text=Identity%20formation%20in%20teens%20is,most%20of%20their%20adult%20life. The 8 stages of development Eric Ericson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCBdZLCDBQ&t=28s Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E135 · Wed, April 02, 2025

Are education and hard work less important now than parents? 135

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? I grew up believing in a meritocracy; with hard work - and government funding of my university education - I eventually escaped a difficult home and poor schooling to succeed in journalism.   But times have moved on, and the reality now is that getting a university education is no longer the gateway it used to be. In fact, according to generational expert and historian, Dr Eliza Filby, our life chances and opportunities are no longer shaped by what we learn or earn but by whether we have access to the Bank of Mum and Dad.  She says, we’re living in an Inheritocracy, where parental support is what matters most, and Western society is beginning to shift more towards an Asian model of family reciprocity.  This is definitely what I found when I researched my episode on whether teens should pay rent. There's been a quiet revolution of multiple generations now living under one roof because it makes more sense than casting our young into a world in which things have changed so dramatically. RELEVANT EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-styles-that-enable-teens-to-grow-into-capable-adults-1/ DR ELIZA FILBY: https://www.elizafilby.com/ https://www.instagram.com/dr_eliza_filby/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCS82Ka2wcPerdEGx6Z1d1eA https://www.amazon.co.uk/Inheritocracy-Should-Talk-about-Bank/dp/1785908588/ref=sr_1_1?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.aFtkjtdKIWYZQUwxEK8p5vmrfiov9IVFwcGxhrbE3bA.EY2LeRMRlEqIxdqf1NZed1ZZIgBSqtu8XNlMv5uGPhQ&dib_tag=se&keywords=inheritocracy&qid=1715590848&sr=8-1 Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E134 · Tue, April 01, 2025

Adolescence: Help for parents with the core themes. How to discuss and connect with our kids. 134

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The mini-series, Adolescence, is a global hit, topping Netflix charts in 71 countries and amassing 24.3 million views in its first four days.  It's sparked a global conversation about parenting, masculinity, and the impact of social media on young people. It's brilliance rests on holding up a mirror to everyone in society, showing us the complex factors that cause toxic ideas to take root.   When I started this podcast I set out to create somewhere that is a safe space for us parents to explore the challenges we face, judgement free. The links below are all referenced in the episode offering tools to think about, and unpack, our own parenting and how best to connect with and support our own kids. BLOG: What to think about before handing your child a phone : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ BOOK : When you lose it by Roxy and Gaye Longworth EPISODES: Screen time: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/ Andrew Tate and the manosphere:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/role-models-andrew-tate-misogyny-red-pills-and-the-manosphere/ Sexting and nudes: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/ Porn culture: episode https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/ Andrew Hampton interview: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Masculinity vaccinations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ Talking with boys: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ Bigorexia and bodybuilding: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/ Looksmaxxing : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/112-boys-looks-and-masculinity-on-social-media-the-hard-and-soft-of-looksmaxxing/ Staying connected: (second part of this episode) https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/2-alcohol-how-to-discuss-it-and-staying-connected-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-and-w/ Male friendships and the masculine mask:   https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friend

Wed, March 19, 2025

134: Are we too cynical? Helping our kids see hope in a world of cynicism.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Twenty years ago The Times asked young people in Britain a series of questions. The new Millenials gave answers which showed that the majority thought the UK was forward-looking and tolerant; they were proud to be British. This year that same survey - this time asking Gen Z - has brought in radically different results. 48 per cent thought that Britain is a racist country, compared with 36 per cent who did not, and only 11 per cent said they would fight for Britain. In fact, 41 per cent said there were no circumstances in which they would take up arms for their country This caught my eye, because I've been reading about the sharp rise in cynicism across many societies. What's particularly fascinating is that the opinions of people, when asked in research aimed at trying to understand cynicism, seem to be far less extreme and more peaceful, than we generally believe them to be. So the question is, are we too cynical, and what can we parents do to help our kids feel more hope about the intentions of others and the world in general? It's a very tricky subject, with lots of opportunities to offend, so do try to listen to the episode with the spirit in which it is intended.  The Times poll:  https://www.thetimes.com/uk/society/article/generation-z-survey-young-people-britain-ld076s8qr Books referenced: Hope for Cynics by Dr Jamil Zaki Cynical Theories: How Activist Scholarship Made Everything about Race, Gender, and Identity--And Why This Harms Everybody by Helen Pluckrose and James Lindsay Useful episodes for blended families with a newborn: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/1-your-parenting-toolbox-and-tidy-teen-rooms-rummaging-in-your-toolbox-and-how-you-get-your-teena/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/differing-parenting-styles-and-future-careers-parenting-together-when-you-cant-agree-on-a-parenti/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/123-avoid-parenting-burnout-and-troublesome-chore-charts-with-this-simple-method-an-interview-with/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not

S4 E132 · Tue, March 11, 2025

How to plan ahead for an empty nest that's full of possibility. 132

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be very painful to navigate. I've already discussed it with Susie, including ideas for how we can manage our feelings in a positive way to help us move on.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/ But are we looking at it in the wrong way? Change management specialist, Hanna Bankier, hates the term empty nest because it has such negative connotations. 'How can the nest be empty if I'm still in it?' She encourages us mothers to take a pro-active approach to that next stage of life by planning ahead from as early as when our kids turn tween and teen.  In this discussion, Hanna helps us think differently about this life stage, explains the key mistakes we make and which areas need focus, and how to plan for the nest stage of our life in a really positive, life-affirming way. Hanna's top five tips: Start early: Begin preparing for this transition during your child's teenage years by gradually shifting your parenting style from hands-on to mentorship. Create a personal plan: Map out your own identity and interests beyond motherhood. Use Hannah's exercise of drawing a circle with your name in the center and identifying activities that energize you. Build a supportive community: Cultivate female friendships and join groups or activities that interest you. These connections are crucial for emotional support and personal growth. Communicate openly with your child: Have honest conversations about how your relationship will evolve, setting expectations and creating a new dynamic as they become independent adults. Embrace the joy of this new chapter: Recognize that this is not an ending, but a new beginning. Celebrate your success in raising an independent child and look forward to the opportunities ahead for both of you. The key is to view this transition as a positive opportunity for personal growth and rediscovery, rather than a loss. Free tool: https://www.birdylauncher.com/freeoffer Hanna Bankier: https://www.birdylauncher.com/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact m

S4 E131 · Wed, March 05, 2025

Work: What we parents can do to help our kids end up with a meaningful role in society. 131

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Another day another newspaper headline that says young people aren't working. According to the Financial Times newspaper, 13.4 per cent of people in the United Kingdon in the 16 to 24 age group were not in employment education or training - “NEET” - at the end of last year. The ONS figures showed a higher rate of young men outside work or training, with 14.4 per cent of 16- to 24-year-olds classed as NEET compared with 12.3 per cent of young women. and mental health issues seem to be a rising factor.  This podcast is all about helping parents see a way through the maze of problems, rather than dwelling in it, so in this episode I decided to put the figures in context and look at what we parents can do to ensure our kids a way to play a meaningful role in society. PWC Report: https://www.pwc.co.uk/economic-services/assets/youth-employment-index-2024.pdf The World Economic Forum - Future of Jobs Report 2025 What employers consider to be core skills for the workforce: 1: Analytical thinking 2: Resilience, flexibility and agility 3: Leadership and social influence 4: Creative thinking 5: Motivation and self-awareness 6: Technological literacy 7: Empathy 8: Active listening Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E130 · Wed, February 26, 2025

Accepting our kids for who they are, not what our culture tells us they should be. 130

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Parenting is a hard enough, but doing it in a culture that is different from the one we grew up in creates an extra layer of challenges to navigate. When it's our kids who have the greatest connection to that new culture it can be their demands that make us grow the most in our role. It might seem strange, because I'm a white woman who always spoke English and had English parents, but arriving in the UK from the African continent aged 10 was a total shock to my system. There were very specific cultural cues that I had to deliberately learn, but obviously the differences were eased by the fact that my parents came from this culture.  So when I met the podcaster, Amma, I was fascinated by how she and her family have had to navigate living in a country where the language and societal beliefs are so different both inside and outside the family unit, and how Amma was the person who ended up having to coax and cajole her parents to grow into their adopted country.   We parents can learn so much from her story about what is at the heart of good parenting, and having a relationship that will last into adulthood. AMMA BROWN GIRL: https://shows.acast.com/amma-brown-girl-1 https://www.instagram.com/ammabrowngirl/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Fri, February 21, 2025

Spilling the tea: Exams, family get-togethers and a Big Hug

Send us a text Exams discussions.   How to parent through the pressure:  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ How exams fail everyone: An interesting interview with Sammy Wright on the impact of grades and why we need to rethink them. https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ Bowling: https://lane7.com/venue/london-victoria/ Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/teenagersuntangled The Big Hug membership group: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. If you'd like to step into the Big Hug Community Cafe and form a closer bond with me, you'll find a warm welcome from a non-judgemental community of fellow parents, and lots of extra perks: A regular community catch up Exclusive interviews with my teens on a range of topics A chance to ask me anything, and I'll research for you Access to all past interviews Links to downloadable PDF documents Try it for free here: https://teenagersuntangled.supercast.com/ Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E129 · Wed, February 19, 2025

Worries about skin care obsessions? The social media 'Sephora' kid craze from a teen perspective.129

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Most teens go through a phase of being hyper-focused on looking good; whether it's clothes, bodybuilding, skin-care or makeup. What can seem like an obsession could be a normal part of the process, so when should we start to worry and how should we step up?  When Clare wrote in worried about her daughter's skin-care regime she was hoping to get a teen perspective. Here's what she said. I would like you to advise on though and maybe your daughters can help?  My 13 year old has been heavily influenced in the last year or two by social media posts on skin care. She has now changed from being content with a simple cleanse and moisturise before bed to having a morning and evening skincare ritual lasting more than an hour.  She is getting up at 5.30 every morning to start the ritual!  The most concerning thing is the use of products and preparations that I would normally associate with more mature ladies ( things I would use!) and these often include hyaluronic acid,  retinol, collagen etc.  she spends all her pocket money, birthday and Xmas money on these products and is constantly asking for extra jobs to earn more money to support to this expensive obsession. I am hoping it’s just a short lived phase and thinking that I should treat it a bit like ‘bad fashion’ and keep cool and non judgemental about it, rather than expressing my concerns, which would probably make things worse!  Do you have any advice?  In this episode I talk at length with my girls about the trend, how her daughter might be feeling, and what Clare can do to support her without shutting down communication and connection.  PRODUCT MENTIONED (NO AFFILIATE OR SPONSORSHIP INVOLVED)   Garnier Vitamin C Daily UV Brightening Fluid Sheer Glow, SPF50+,  For all skin types, Cruelty-Free, Vegan, 50ml Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk</

S4 E128 · Wed, February 12, 2025

Parenting stages: Coaching and mentoring teens and young adults.128

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Before I had kids I literally had no real idea of what I should expect. I think that's partly why I have spent the years as a mother panicking and reading everything; having learnt that I was wrong about how complicated the job is.  Susie and I are in a similar stage with our kids but feel differently about it, so I thought it would be lovely to bring her in to have an open, honest conversation about how the stages unfold and what it really feels like for us.  What do you think? Send me a message on teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Ellen Galinsky's six stages of parenting: Nurturer - Birth to one year Your baby learns that they are safe and the more they find their needs met the more confident they'll become as a youth.  Boundaries - Ages one to five Children start to test boundaries. They need to be clear and consistent. When you set a boundary it needs to be the same every time, and the consequences need to be applied consistently.  Training the Heart -Ages six to twelve You begin answering questions about boundaries and consequences, and putting them in context with the way society works. It's important to listen to your child, and respect their opinions. Coaching - Ages thirteen to eighteen Give advice but allow the child to make the ultimate decision. We also have to allow our children to suffer the consequences of bad decisions. Nagging, or constant correction, will just cause our kids to tune our voice out.  Mentoring - Ages eighteen to job or marriage Refrain from telling them what they should do and from judging the decisions they make. Understand - and treat them - as if that they are capable of solving their own problems. Our job is to offer advice when asked and not to judge. Be curious.  Friendship - Job or marriage and beyond Now our kids are established as adults it's time to tone down the parenting and allow them to be our equal. The one key thing to remember is that they will always  crave our unconditional love and acceptance, regardless of how old they become.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Sub

S4 E127 · Wed, February 05, 2025

Life skills: How to supercharge them with a working holiday. 127

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Sponsored by JENZA Positively life changing is how I would sum up the time I spent working abroad during my gap year. I met people with a completely different world view, different language, and learnt to navigate many challenges alone. It gave me a positive, can-do attitude to life. Now my teens are 16 and 18, I want to make sure they have the confidence to meet whatever life throws at them head-on. Given my own experience, I'm convinced that a working holiday is an ideal way of giving them the skills they need with an added boost to their 'explorer' mindset.   I’ve already made an episode talking in general about gap years, but I'm still getting a lot of enquiries about specific opportunities, so when JENZA - the earn as you explore youth travel group - offered to sponsor an episode it was an obvious way to get lots of useful tips for us parents. In this discussion with JENZA’s head of Global Operations, Adam Janaway, he shares: The benefits of working abroad, emphasizing skills like responsibility, adaptability, and problem-solving.  The career advantages of cultural exposure and work experience in foreign settings.  Three types of work abroad experiences: short-term structured programs, longer-term flexible working holidays, and professional internships.  His own experiences, including working at a US summer camp and in Canada, and stresses the importance of asking for help and building emotional intelligence.  Advice for us parents to encourage independence and planning for our children's working holidays. JENZA : www.jenza.com GAP YEAR EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/gap-years-what-is-a-gap-year-and-should-our-teens-take-one/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E126 · Wed, January 29, 2025

How to be a good parent to teenagers, using evidence. An interview with Matilda Gosling. 126

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It's one thing to get advice on how to parent, it's another to have independent studies that give real evidence on how well one approach works rather than another. Faced with raising two young kids in a COVID lockdown, social scientist and skilled researcher Matilda Gosling looked for a book that gave her advice that was based on sound evidence. She discovered that such a book didn't exist, so set out to write it. Described by investigative journalist Hannah Barnes as 'A rare entity: a parenting book that is accessible, well evidenced, practical, gritty and not hectoring. In short, one that is genuinely helpful.' I knew we all needed to hear about what Matilda had found. THE BOOK Teenagers: The Evidence Base, weaves together insights from fields including social and experimental psychology, neuroscience, family systems and adolescent development. CONTACTING MATILDA: https://www.matildagosling.com/ https://www.linkedin.com/in/matilda-gosling-11a95521/?originalSubdomain=uk https://matildagosling.substack.com/ In the interview we cover: Navigating the ups and downs of the teenage years - The book discusses how the teenage years are not just constant "storms and stress" but have complex weather patterns with both positive and negative aspects. Supporting teenagers' identity exploration - The book advises letting teenagers experiment with different identities and not labeling them, to allow them room to continue developing. Facilitating healthy friendships and relationships - The discussion covers how parents can support their teenager's friendships, even if they don't approve of all their friends, and have conversations about healthy romantic relationships. Talking to teens about sex and sexuality - The book emphasizes the importance of parents proactively discussing sex, sexuality, and porn with teenagers, rather than leaving it to schools or the media. Maintaining self-care as a parent - The book stresses that parents taking care of their own needs and well-being is crucial for supporting their teenager's well-being. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com<

Fri, January 24, 2025

Community catch up: Relaxing, skin care obsessions, leaving school and finding work and boredom.

Send us a text This is Community Catch-Up: Your bonus episode BOOKS MENTIONED: Of Boys and Men by Richard Reeves 10-25: The Science of Motivating Younge People - David Yeager https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more - Elaine Taylor-Klaus https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/ Ken Rabow on Failure to Launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/ Manners: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/manners-parenting-to-help-teens-succeed-in-life-by-teaching-the-importance-of-good-manners/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/empty-nest-how-to-cope-when-your-teen-moves-out-also-manners-what-are-they-and-what-should-we-te/ The Disengaged Teen - Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/122-how-to-get-our-teens-to-love-learning-and-why-parents-are-the-missing-piece-of-the-puzzle Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E125 · Wed, January 22, 2025

Momguilt: reducing the overwhelming mental load to decrease stress. An interview with Sam Kelly. 125

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Stress can be a major problem for parents who're constantly juggling tasks and responsibilities. The mental load can feel overwhelming at times and the list literally never ending. So when I discovered Sam Kelly has a brilliant way to:  ✅Avoid burnout. ✅Have a happier home life. ✅Help our kids to be successful in life. ✅Avoid nagging. ✅Break the old stereotypes cycle. I had to get her on the show. A mother and feminist coach, Sam is teaching parents how to share the mental load with the whole family and increase our kid's chances of having a happy life at the same time. She summed up what I've been struggling with my entire adult life: the fact that if we don't learn household skills at home it's way harder to develop them as adults when we have busy lives, careers, and our own family. Some of Sam's key suggestions are: Teach kids the "big three" daily tasks to build cleaning skills. Guide kids on how to "notice" what needs to be done around the house. Have "cycle breaking conversations" with kids about gender equity and mental load. Try the "notice and grab" approach when grocery shopping with kids. You can find Sam on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/samkelly_world/ And her own website at: https://hellosamkelly.com/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E124 · Wed, January 15, 2025

How to motivate our teens to love learning and why parents are the missing piece of the puzzle. 124

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We parents are deluding ourselves about how much our kids enjoy school, according to research for the book The Disengaged Teen. In survey responses 65% of parents thought their 10th grade kid loved school, whilst only 26% of 10th graders actually said they did. A lot of educators admit that things go wrong in the teen years, and many fine minds are trying to work on ways to tackle the problem. In the meantime huge numbers of teens spend most of their time disengaged. Some take a lacklustre approach, doing the bare minimum, some work hard but never really think about the path they're on, others simply check out by disrupting the class or refusing to turn up. The result is a high boredom high stress environment, but in this amazing book Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson explain that we parents have a immense power to influence our kids' engagement. Drawing on sciencific studies, and research with thousands of parents and educators, they have come up with an easy to understand framwork and language for us to use with our own kids both in and beyond the classroom.   LEARNING MODES: Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out. Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs. Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges. Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals. THE BOOK: The Disengaged Teen by Dr Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson Dr Rebecca Winthrop https://www.linkedin.com/in/rebecca-winthrop-b36b0617/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersu

S4 E123 · Wed, January 08, 2025

Enduring sibling relationships: Why some last and others fall apart, and how we parents can help. 123

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? There are siblings who love spending time with each other as often as possible, some tolerate it once or twice a year, and there are others who would rather eat glass than have to speak to each other. Why? What happens to their relationship? Is there something we parents can be doing to set our kids to be the ones who love and support each other as we age and after we die. When one listener asked for a deep dive on siblings who don’t talk to each other later in life it came at the same time as another, Helen, who said she'd noticed lots of her female friends are struggling in their relationships with their sisters. In this episode I talk with Susie about the factors in our own family setups that affect sibling relationships long term and whether there's a secret to making sure your kids don’t hate each other some day. We also try to help Helen with some ideas about how she can ameliorate her own situation with her sister. BOOK: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish https://www.researchgate.net/publication/343433834_Sibling_Relationships_in_Adulthood_Research_Findings_and_New_Frontiers https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC7399693/Findings https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2006-04983-006 Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E122 · Wed, January 01, 2025

New Year 2025: resolutions, stress, being more fun, most interesting books, and most downloaded. 122

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? MAKING RESOLUTIONS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/70-new-years-resolutions-love-them-or-loathe-them-the-question-is-how-can-we-make-them-work-for-u/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ PARENTING STRESS : https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/109-parenting-stress-is-now-a-major-health-issue TOO MANY CHOICES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/concentration-and-the-troubling-effect-of-too-many-choices/ NAGGING: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/ 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People by David Yeager https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids by Elaine Taylor-Klaus https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/108-how-to-support-struggling-complex-kids/ Sexism and Sensibility  by Jo Ann Finkelstein https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/116-girls-beauty-standards-entitlement-and-misogyny/ When Girls Fall Out by Andrew Hampton https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Hold on to Your Kids by Dr Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt Failing our Future by Joshua Eyler https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/104-how-grades-harm-students-and-what-we-parents-can-do-about-it/ Exam Nation by Sammy Wright https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ Of Boys and Men by Richard V Reeves Boys Adrift by Leonard Sax. MOST DOWNLOADED EPISODES OF 2024: 80: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/79-taking-things-personally-coping-with-adversity-teen-love-and-changing-our-minds-when-we-get-ne/ 110: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/motivation-how-to-motivate-your-teenager-and-why-blame-and-shame-doesnt-work/ 77: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ 88: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/nagging-reducing-the-friction-using-the-magic-of-routine/ 93: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/screen-time-for-tweens-and-teens-the-latest-on-what-works-and-what-doesnt/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrollin

S4 E121 · Mon, December 23, 2024

Family gatherings without the fireworks, and staying connected with your young teen. 121

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Connection is at the root of human happiness, but staying connected through the turbulent teens and keeping family traditions and gatherings positive can be a challenge. In this episode we help Helen with her question about how to stay connected with her daughter who's on the brink of becoming a teenager. We also talk about hosting gatherings, drawing on advice from the expert, Priya Parker. How to put nutrients back into our family earth; avoid straying into topics that cause problems, move away from stale family tropes, and create an atmosphere that sets us up for positive connection. Help for Helen:  Incorporate traditions or rituals that mark transitions and changes in your relationship with your teenagers, like a special one-on-one trip or creating a photo book. Communicate openly about the changing nature of your relationship with teenagers and reassure them that you are still a safe space for them to share their thoughts and feelings. Be open and clear about how they can tell you anything and you will not tell a soul, to encourage trust and a sense that they can open up to you. Episode 2 covers how to stay connected Episode 3 how to talk so they’ll listen Episode 13 is great ways to spend time with your teen Episode 41 covers conflict resolution Family parties without the fireworks: Episode 70: Giving presents. Is your teenager ungrateful? Episode 69: Festivities or fights? Focus on being proactive and setting the tone for gatherings by approaching them with positivity and an intention to connect, rather than just trying to get through them. Be intentional about creating spaces and activities that bring your family together, such as  having everyone bring a game to play. Identify and highlight the unique quirks or interests of family members to spark engaging conversations and connect on a more personal level. Deputize unexpected guests or assign roles to family members to mix up the group dynamics and prevent the same people from dominating conversations. Channel any argumentative or competitive energy into structured activities or games that allow for healthy expression and bonding. Seed new conversation topics that encourage sharing stories and personal experiences rather than just opinions, such as asking about the best new food tried or songs discovered. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you

S4 E120 · Wed, December 18, 2024

Suicide: How to talk about it with teens, and offer proper support. 120

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In a recent column in The Times, Caitlin Moran wrote about how five young men in her social circle have taken their lives in the past 18 months. She's not alone. My daughter has experienced this, as has Benedicte's son, the listener who contacted me to suggest I cover it in an episode. In the UK, the leading cause of death for men under the age of 50 is suicide, and the statistics in the US are even worse. Boys are particularly vulnerable, and we know that there's the risk of social contagion if we're not careful about how we discuss it. So how do we talk to kids who've been impacted by this devastating loss? Dr Steven Kariaskos is deeply involved in suicide prevention and support and gives some excellent tips for us parents.   RESOURCES: https://www.copingaftersuicide.com/support-groups https://afsp.org/ https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp https://samaritanshope.org/blog/suicide-grief-101/ Facilities in which Dr Steven Kariaskos is involved: The Kita Center in Maine : https://www.thekitacenter.org/ This bereavement and mental health center supports individuals impacted by suicide loss. Camp Kita , a free summer camp for young people ages 8-17 who have experienced a loss. We are also expanding our offerings to include weekend retreats, such as a Family Retreat for families navigating a loss and a retreat for Twentysomethings who have lost a loved one to suicide. “Preventing suicide by building intentional environments to foster connection and a lifelong engagement with mental health.” Coping After Suicide Peer Support Groups : https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/support-groups-people-bereaved-suicide/ New groups begin in January, and additional specialized groups are available based on specific losses or identities (such as groups for mothers, siblings, and men). Talking OutLOUD - Teens & Suicide Loss, A Conversation:   https://www.rethinktheconversation.org/talking-outloud Award-winning documentary featuring a teen-led discussion about suicide loss.  Elpis Consulting, Coaching, and Community Building: https://www.elpis-consult.com/ Cultivating restorative communities rooted in hope and well-being. I collaborate with schools and organizations globally, supporting programs that foster organizational health, community well-being, and individual thriving. E

S4 E119 · Wed, December 11, 2024

Support: It takes a village to raise a child... as long they do it my way. 119

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? So many of us bemoan the loss of a village, but do we really know what we mean by that?   Being in a village or community requires us to give as well as take; often not on our own terms. It also means that we have to brush shoulders with people who might have radically different viewpoints from us on things like politics or religion.  Many of us have got used to our busy, overscheduled lives, and don't have time to offer what's needed to create community, whilst complaining about its absence. When we think about community it's easy to desire the positives, whilst forgetting that a lot of selfless contribution goes on behind the scenes in order for it to function.   Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E118 · Wed, December 04, 2024

Girls: Sexism, beauty standards, entitlement and misogyny an interview with Jo-Ann Finkelstein. 118

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Encouraging our kids to make the most of themselves is a vital job for parents, but how do we talk with girls about the barriers they face? From the subtle expectation that girls and women be humble to the not so subtle focus on their worth based on body parts and beauty, we parents are left with a tricky path to tread. We want to encourage our girls to be bold, and try to achieve their dreams, but how do we do that without being honest about the pitfalls of being ambitious, and the misogynistic reactions they will face as they navigate the world? Jo-Ann Finkelstein's book, Sexism and Sensibilty: Raising Empowered, Resilient Girls in the Modern World, has been described by Lisa D'Amour as required reading for anyone who is raising, educating, or caring for girls. In this interview, Finkelstein discusses the challenges girls face, such as internalizing sexism and the pressure to conform to beauty standards. She highlights the need for us parents to open about the challenges girls face so they learn to understand their worth beyond appearance. She has some great tips on how to help boys and girls notice the subtle signals and explains how we parents can help them by moving away from comments about their bodies and emphasising their other qualities. Another great tip is to encourage discussion around the dinner table and give girls time and respect when they want to make a point, since men interrupt women 33% more then they interrupt other men. COMPATIBLE EPISODES: Girls posting bikini shots on social media: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/bikini-photos-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/ Girl friendships: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ Negotiating allowances: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/ Eldest daughter syndrome: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/eldest-daughter-syndrome-and-the-trouble-with-parentification/ Friendship groups: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/friendship-girls-and-toxic-groups-also-resilience-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-g/ Jo-Ann Finkelstein, is an advisory board member of the nonprofit, SSAIS, which has teen resource to empower youth to address SH/SA through peer education and advocacy.  Jo-Ann has a toolkit on this page: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/toolkits/ , and SASH Club is described here: https://stopsexualassaultinschools.org/sash-club/</

Fri, November 29, 2024

Community catch up: University applications, emotional teens, accepting differences

Send us a text EPISODES:  How not to overreact: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/ WHAT TO WATCH: University admissions scandal - https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/81130691 The Durrells - https://www.netflix.com/gb/title/80989475 BOOK:  How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom by Anita Cleare GRATITUDE: Mark Hyman MD says Gratitude is the ultimate biohack. It reduces stress, improves sleep, strengthens your immune system, and even aids digestion. The vagus nerve connects your brain and guy – gratitude activates it, calming your system. A grateful heart is essential for health.  Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E117 · Wed, November 27, 2024

Cancel culture. Bullying or bravery? 117

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The suicide of a young man at Oxford University has prompted a warning letter to the UK Government about 'cancel culture' on campus. The review into his death 'identified evidence of a concerning practice of social ostracism among students, often referred to as a cancel culture,' according the coroner. '[The review's] evidence was that this behaviour, where individuals are isolated and excluded from social groups based on allegations or perceptions of wrongdoing, poses a significant risk to student mental health and well-being.' I brought Susie in to talk about where cancel culture has come from, why it's become popular, and how we parents can help our kids be a force for good.  PODCAST ON DEI : This Isn't Working by Tanya de Grunwald FICTION BOOK: The Outcast - Sadie Jones EPISODES:  Conflict resolution skills: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/ Consequnces: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ BLOG about consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ Seven Ideas to Reduce Cancel Culture in Yourself or Your Students and Build Resilience from https://growingleaders.com/the-correlation-between-cancel-culture-and-resilience-in-students/: Do not react on impulse. Think first. Give yourself a day to reflect. Practice the 101% Principle. Find the 1% you agree on and give it 100% of your attention.  Listen before you speak. Recover the art of really hearing from the other side.  Phone a friend. Don’t respond in a vacuum. Include others’ perspectives before acting. Apologize when and where you’re wrong. This goes a long way in fostering relationships.  Forgive when appropriate. To make a mistake is human; to forgive is divine. Build a bridge where there’s a wall. Find a way to connect with the opposing side. https://comment.org/why-we-cancel/ https://www.depts.ttu.edu/rise/Blog/cancelculture.php https://www.researchgate.net/publication/375520893_Cancelled_Exploring_the_Phenomenon_of_Cancel_Culture https://www.thetimes.com/uk/education/article/oxford-student-took-own-life-after-ostracism-over-sexual-encounter-cjx389t5r https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/ https://www.mindingthecampus.org/2024/08/27/the-dangerous-evolution-of-cancel-culture/ https://medium.com/@julesdixon/ostracism-social-exclusion-in-adulthood-8764ea1a4003 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0P

Fri, November 22, 2024

Community catch up: Allowances, chores, robot vaccums, and the tween boy perfectionist.

Send us a text ALLOWANCES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/money-giving-teens-and-tweens-an-allowance-two-years-on-my-daughter-talks-about-how-its-impacted/ PERFECTIONISM: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/perfectionism-help-your-teen-and-yourself-overcome-the-need-to-be-perfect/ GRADES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/102-why-our-obsession-with-grades-fails-everyone-an-interview-with-exam-nation-author-sammy-wright/ MASCULINITY AND FEAR OF SHAME: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/114-friendships-frenemies-and-boy-banter-parenting-our-teens-through-the-relationship-pitfalls/ MASCULINITY VACCINATION: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions-masculinity-vaccinations-and-online-influencers/   BOYS NEED ROLE MODELS WHO SHOW HOW TO BE VULNERABLE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/  Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E116 · Wed, November 20, 2024

Friendships, frenemies and banter. What to expect and why. 116

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do.   Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.  Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.  He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.  Andrew Hampton FRSA ahampton@girlsonboard.co.uk https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk https://andrewhampton.net BOOKS: When Girls Fall Out Working With Boys Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E115 · Wed, November 13, 2024

The damage of an emotionally immature parent. 115

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves. Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships. Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline: An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others. THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT: Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay Gibson TYPES: 1: The emotional parent . Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives. 2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children. 3: The Passive parent. They’re more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children. 4: The Rejecting parent. They don’t enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves. THE TECHNIQUE 1:  Become curious and observe rather than react . Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/ 2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?  Once you’ve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go . 1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.  2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation.</b

S4 E114 · Wed, November 06, 2024

Masculinity and image: the Looksmaxxing hashtag that boys follow but parents don't see. 114

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys. The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value. There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/ is well aware.  SOME KEY INFLUENCERS: Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho Dillon Latham NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY: Open Wide PODCAST: LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize) APPS MENTIONED: UMAX LOOSKMAX AI MEWING:   The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.  The basic principles of mewing include: Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth. Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment. Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time. When to seek help: from medical news today Your son is... spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirror feelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday life spending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearance persistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shame becoming irritable more easily feeling tired or low in energy difficulty getting to sleep , staying asleep, or sleeping too much feeling restless and having difficulty concentrating having thoughts about death or suicide https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxx

Mon, November 04, 2024

Community catch up: Underage sex, the lying teen, parenting responsibilities and thank you's

Send us a text BOOK MENTIONED: Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore EPISODE TO HELP THE PARENT WITH AN UNDERAGE TEEN: https://www.buzzsprout.com/admin/1882538/episodes/12524413-39-relationships-and-sex-how-young-is-too-young EPISODES RELATING TO THE LYING TEENAGER: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/lying-teenagers-and-teens-who-complain-that-theyve-got-it-harder-than-their-siblings/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/32-rules-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/differing-parenting-styles-and-future-careers-parenting-together-when-you-cant-agree-on-a-parenti/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/communication-how-to-talk-so-your-teenager-will-listen-and-dealing-with-teen-sex-in-your-home/ FAMILY DIARY: We currently use Timetree. I'd love to hear about your favourite family diary app. LINK TO THE KATHERINE RYAN PODCAST: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/domingo/id1507148315?i=1000675437248 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E113 · Wed, October 30, 2024

Boundaries: How to set them and why they’re so important. 113

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans. In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families. It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged. We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes. SOURCES: https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well. https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tips https://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802 Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied: Use "I" statements: I feel ______ when _____ is said to me. When this happens______, I feel_____. When you feel disrespected: I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now. I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time. I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it. Buy yourself some time: I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it? I need more time to think, but I will get back to you. When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation: I would love to, but my plate is really full right now. I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now. I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating. Seeking consent with sexual boundaries: Are you okay with this? Do you want to continue? Are you comfortable if I____? Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek

Mon, October 28, 2024

Community catch up. The award, thank you's, coming up, and a trip to the big Apple

Send us a text A quick catch-up with news of what's been going on, what's coming up, thank you's and my trip to Apple HQ in London.     Wednesday's episode: Setting boundaries     Email me: teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Where Apple is based: www.batterseapowerstation.co.uk This year's Independent Podcast Award winners: https://podcasts.apple.com/gb/multi-room/6680200242 Reviews: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/reviews/  email: teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E112 · Wed, October 23, 2024

Motivation: How to motivate your teenager. An interview with eminent Psychologist David Yeager. 112

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect. According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring. In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best. BOOK: 10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist yeagerds@austin.utexas.edu Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

Mon, October 21, 2024

Community thank you's, and what's coming up

Send us a text THE BOOK: 10-25: The science of motivating young people by David Yeager LISTENERS SHARING WITH OTHERS: Middlesbrough Boston Miami Dubai LARGER COMMUNITIES: Manchester Toronto Birmingham Sydney POPULAR EPISODES: 93 I updated screen time for tweens and teens with the latest study results. 88 Nagging, Reducing friction using the magic of routine. 65: Parenting styles that enable teens to grow into capable adults.  47: Anger issues, tips for dealing with an explosive and angry teen.  5: How to motivate your teenagers when they’re not enjoying school.  3: How to talk so your teenager will listen. Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E111 · Wed, October 16, 2024

Stress - the major health issue for parents in our 'culture of comparison'. 111

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy.  According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.' It goes on to say “Demands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with one’s partner, sleep and parental leisure time.” We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all. Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode: Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus. Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor. Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits. Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated. Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities. Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency. Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved. Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you. Trust that stressful situations will pass and focus on your capacity to manage them. Act as an ambassador for stress management by sharing resources and pushing back against unnecessary stress. MY BLOG POST ON THIS EPISODE: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/our-culture-of-comparison-is-a-key-factor-in-the-damaging-levels-of-stress-experienced-by-parents/ PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/ THE SOURCE: https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/ AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE

S4 E110 · Wed, October 09, 2024

How to parent complex kids with ADHD or other differences. 110

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years. But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation. Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast. Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time. BOOK: The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm. CONTACT: https://impactparents.com/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E109 · Wed, October 02, 2024

The hardest part of parenting a teen? We discuss the 18-22 year stage. 109

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues. As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better. My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her. In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives. For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back. We'd love to know what you think about this discussion. BOOKS: A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas ARTICLE: https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgf Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E108 · Wed, September 25, 2024

Therapy. Should all teens get it? Also, do boys actually need male role models? 108

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about.  The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And here’s the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isn’t a parent, family member or friend. I’ve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life. Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast.  The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all. REFERENCES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/ Richard Reeves Of Boys and Men Bad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E107 · Wed, September 18, 2024

How grades harm school students and what we parents can do about it, with Josh Eyler. 107

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children. In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology. He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and  advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students.  He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA. For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades. https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.php Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E106 · Wed, September 11, 2024

Teen weight and body image: Mother and daughter explore the issues. 106

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place.  Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation.  Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up.  It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself.  BOOK MENTIONED: Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne Blakemore Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S4 E105 · Wed, September 04, 2024

Reading Festival tips - straight from the mouths of teenagers. 105

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience.  I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night.  My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.   Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E104 · Wed, August 28, 2024

Grades. Our obsession with them fails everyone. An interview with Exam Nation author Sammy Wright.104

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers. It’s coming to the end of summer in the UK which means there’s been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone.  Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK government’s Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times.  In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person. https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr= Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E103 · Wed, August 21, 2024

Driving lessons - Top tips for a smooth road ahead. 103

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead. Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible. The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course: https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES: What are you responsible for in terms of cost? Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations. Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications. Remind them of the consequences if they break the law. Be a good role model. RESOURCES USED: https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/ https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/ https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-driving Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E100 · Wed, August 14, 2024

Rachel's top ten lessons to celebrate 100 episodes!

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human. To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up. In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes: Connection over correction. It's not personal, and it's not about you. Kick the bullies out of your head. It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are. Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell. Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good. Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate. Community is way more important and helpful than we were told. Be honest about your own failings. Make time to enjoy the ride. This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and help us all out; we need all the support we can get.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E102 · Wed, August 07, 2024

Exams: how to cope with boys who fail them and seem apathetic. Email from a step-parent. 102

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In the West, we tend to see success for late teens as passing exams, getting into further education or getting a job, and moving on with life. So when we received an email from a mother, concerned for the welfare of her two step-sons who've performed poorly in their final high school exams, and who don't seem to be interested in finding work, we thought it would be a really interesting topic to unpack.   Her step-sons aren't alone. There is growing concern about the relative underachivement of boys in education across the Western hemisphere, and the term 'failure to launch' was even referred to as a syndrome in a recent article in The British Journal of General Practice.   We discuss coping with our own expectations and feelings of fear about our children's suceess, managing a complicated situation as a step-parent, and the structural issues affecting boys in today's society.     BOOKS REFERENCED: Boys Adrift , Leonard Sax explores the alarming trend of boys falling behind in education and life.  Of Boys and Men: Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it. USEFUL EPISODES: Masculinity: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions--vaccinations-and-online-influencers/ Step-parenting: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/ Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ Charging rent: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/charging-rent-should-you-charge-your-teens-and-young-adults-rent-and-if-you-do-whats-the-best-wa/ Failure to launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https:

S3 E101 · Wed, July 31, 2024

Boys: Emotions, masculinity vaccinations, and online influencers an interview with Brendan Kwiatkoswski. 101

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Extreme misogyny, and the resulting violence against women and girls, has recently been described in the UK as a national emergency.  According to the National Police Chiefs Council, online influencers like Andrew Tate are radicalising boys in and a way that is 'quite terrifying'.  Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth said officers who focused on violence against women and girls are now working with counter-terrorism teams to look at the risk of young men being radicalised. But what should we parents be doing, and how can we best support our boys? I reached out to Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski who's a researcher and educator specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men. We talked about the emotional lives of boys and men, online influencers, and the idea of innoculating our boys before they hit puberty so they are prepared for the issues that tend to crop up. Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski: www.remasculine.com Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski is a researcher, educator, speaker, and consultant specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men—and how that intersects with the wellbeing of others. His PhD research investigated teenage boys’ experiences and beliefs about being male and compared their experiences based on their levels of emotional expression. He is passionate about positive-focused and person-centred research that humanizes and empowers participants, as well in research that is transformative and practically useful for people in the real-world. He lives in Vancouver, BC, and is part of the faculty of education at a local university. Some of the things Brendan enjoys regularly is breath-work, cold plunges, and free-diving. Previous episodes: MASCULINITY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/ BIGOREXIA: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/ BOY FRIENDSHIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/ TALKING ABOUT PORN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advi

S3 E99 · Wed, July 24, 2024

Shyness: How to support a teen who lacks self-belief and confidence. 99

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We'd all love our kids to have self-belief, and the confidence to make friends easily. The problem is that it's not something we can simply give to them.  Seeing our teen struggle in social settings, or suffer with crippling shyness, can be really challenging for us; particularly if it's a feeling we experienced as a teen and seeing our kid go through it brings our own discomfort flooding back.   Today's episode is designed to help our listener whose daughter's shyness is sometimes misconstrued as rudeness. We discuss our own experience of shyness, how it can be misunsderstood by others, and ways in which we can help our teens develop more self-belief. RESOURCES USED:  https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/shyness#:~:text=Shyness%20emerges%20from%20a%20few,fear%20of%20judgment%20and%20rejection. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness#:~:text=Social%20anxiety%20disorder%20usually%20starts,in%20adolescents%20and%20young%20adults. http://socialanxietyshortcuts.com/why-shyness-is-mistaken-for-arrogance-and-what-to-do-about-it/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E98 · Wed, July 17, 2024

Sleeping in until late during the holidays. Tips for coping with teens and tweens who're waking up later and later. 98

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When a lone mother came onto our Facebook group to look for support with her teenage son who's done very little with his summer holiday other than sleep in late I thought it was a great time to revisit this topic, and talk about the severe level of sleep deprivation our society deems acceptable, and how important sleep is for teens. They're not lazy; there are some important developmental things happening when they sleep.  That said, there are also some concrete things we parents can do to help our teens make the most of their holidays which can be a huge boost to their self-knowledge and ability to regulate themselves. Reminding ourselves that academics are just one of the important things our kids need for life helps us to steer our focus onto other gains they can make in the holidays. MY PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH RESEARCH ON SLEEP: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/ MY TIPS: KEY: Remove all tech from their rooms, at the very least it should be done well before they ought to go to sleep. Choose one life-skill a week and teach them how to do it 'perfectly' using praise and ecouragement as your weapons. Help them to talk about what really interests them. Be very careful not to judge whatever it is, but help them to create a routine that involves working towards their goal. Agree a regular check-in time to look again at how they're getting on, and whether it's realistic or needs adapting. This is an amazing life-skill which will protect them from 'failure to launch'. Book things that give the holidays structure. Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to spend time with their friends; social skills and socialising are vital for teens and my kids' screen time drops dramatically when she has social things to do. Get them used to playing games that don't involve online time. We've been loving Uno, Monopoly Deal, Kick the Can, and one unlikely hit has been Sussed which isn't a game, but a card system where each person has to ask the group questions about themselves and people in the group have to guess which they think is the right answer.  BOOK REFERENCED: Why Students Don't Like School by Daniel Willingham Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My em

S3 E97 · Wed, July 10, 2024

Public displays of affection and sex in your home. Listener email. 97

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Living with a teenager can make us feel queezy at times because we keep losing our bearings. They're changing rapidly, and bringing new challenges into our home, while we're just trying to do our best. For many, the start of a romantic relationship can feel particularly difficult. You're not just negotiating new territory, but having to do it with another person in the equation.  One listener has contacted me to for support over her teen daughter snuggling with her new boyfriend on the sofa in front of other family members. Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether we're being unreasonable, and even what it is that we're objecting to.  In this episode I directly address her feelings, and how challenging this can be for us parents, before sharing an old episode in which we talked about 16 year olds having sex under our roof.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E96 · Wed, July 03, 2024

Switching parental gears for their new school year. 96

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The holidays are a great time to begin preparing our kids for the next year, but there's so much we could be doing it's hard to know where to start. I've turned to and someone who specialises in helping parents with tweens to give us some great, actionable tips. JoAnn Schauf, who founded Your Tween and You, and is the author of Loving the Alien: How to Parent Your Tween, emphasizes the importance of focusing on fostering autonomy and confidence in children. In this episode we talked about: Goal-setting and allowing them to use their voice to set their goals. The way our role changes and being clear about the new relationship. The confusing changes that happen in our tween's brain. The benefit of an accountability partner. Using an accomplishment journal. Noticing when the good things they do. Focusing only on effort. Allowing our kids to set their own goals. Discussing homework building blocks. Discussing screen time and empowering them to manage it. CONTACT JOANN SHAUF: https://www.yourtweenandyou.com/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E95 · Wed, June 26, 2024

Screen time for tweens and teens: The latest on what works and what doesn't. 95

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? If you're a bit confused about how much you should be wading in on your young adolescent's screen time then you're not alone. The truth is, there's been very little clear data to prove what we should and shouldn't be doing. Jonathan Haidt's book Anxiety Generation has turned the dial up on the whole subject and he's pushing hard for a ban on social media for younger teens because of the impact he says it has on them. Meanwhile, Natasha Devon is more keen on getting us parents to engage positively with our kids and teach them how to be their best selves online. So who's right? A new study from the University of California, published in the journal Paediatric Research, looked at the behaviour of ten thousand 12-13 year olds, and it's given parents a clearer understanding of what we should be doing. The most positive impact: is if we parents place limits on our own screen use, especially in front of our kids.  The most negative thing to do is using screen time as a reward or a punishment - because they found it tends to increase the desire to be on their screens. Which is exactly what Natasha Devon said in my interview about how to help your teens be their best selves online. NEW STUDY: https://www.nature.com/articles/s41390-024-03243-y#Sec19 TOOL FOR CREATING A FAMILY MEDIA PLAN: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/fmp/Pages/MediaPlan.aspx MY INTERVIEW WITH NATASHA DEVON: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/42-social-media-and-how-to-help-your-teens-be-their-best-selves-online-with-natasha-devon-mbe/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E94 · Wed, June 19, 2024

Summer flip or summer flop? What will your teen be doing with their summer, and does it really matter? 94

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The amount of holiday teens get varies enormously around the world. For some, it's a much needed break from routine, for others it's a real chance to flip the script of their life and focus their attention on things that aren't part of the rigid educational agenda. In this episode we talk about ways in which we can help our teens use their summer to grow in ways that genuinely interest them. Lots of skills get little time for development whilst they're at school, so it's a great chance for them to explore their passions in an unstructured environment, or get some experience in the workplace. There's no right way to do summer, but hopefully some of these suggestions can give you ideas for things you can do; including simply working on your connection if you think that things haven't been going too well.  Resource used: https://www.daniel-wong.com/2015/11/09/productive-things-to-do-during-school-holidays/ The blog detailing my method for change: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Be-the-person-you-want-to-be-not-the-person-others-think-you-should-be/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E93 · Wed, June 12, 2024

Is your teen being lazy, or could they be lacking a key executive skill? 93

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It's incredibly frustrating to parent a teen who seems smart but is constantly late, can't set effective goals, can't keep going after their initial burst of enthusiasm, who's messy, doesn't start projects on time, or can't seem to control their impulses.  Are they being lazy or is it that they lack a key skill which is holding them back? The latest book I read makes it clear that problems with any of these tasks isn't necessarily lack of interest or laziness, but can be a lack of skill in an area called executive function.  In this episode I talk through the types of executive function deficits, and how we can spot them. What's exciting is that the book implies that with the right training our teens can learn how to overcome the sorts of things that drive us nuts and are holding them back from achieving their goals.  It's an exciting prospect, because it puts the emphasis on the need to learn skills rather than on personal failing, and gives us parents hope that by being supportive in slowly acquiring the skills our kids can lead lives free of the enormous frustrations that these deficits can cause. BOOK: Smart but Scattered Teens, by Richard Guare PhD, Peg Dawson, EdD, and Colin Guare Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E92 · Wed, June 05, 2024

Values, and how being strong about our own can help teens navigate a society of desires. Listener email. 92

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Hermes was a Greek god able to move quickly and freely between the worlds of the mortal and the divine, helped by his winged sandals. We mere mortals, on the other hand, are stuck here on Earth, and more likely to associate the word, Hermes with expensive handbags. When a listener wrote a beautiful email talking about her struggles with a young daughter who has been begging for one of these extremely expensive Hermes bags for her birthday I thought it would be a great topic for discussion. The problems our listener faces trouble so many of usthe various issues in the hope of supporting the listener and helping others along the way; after all, we're a community here to help each other.   TOPICS COVERED: Parenting styles Desire for posessions as a way to feel included The  importance of values Celebrating our own culture The impact of society on our desires and choices BOOK SUGGESTION: Hold on to Your Kids, by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E91 · Wed, May 29, 2024

Exams, depression, work, national service, Sigma and Bigorexia, we cover it all in our May chat. 91

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? I scan the newspapers daily to keep an eye on what's going on that might be relevant to us parents. I usually share it on my Instagram and Facebook feeds, but it's also good to sit down with another, equally interested but unpolitical, parent, to simply chat about the state of the world that our kids are growing up in.  None of it is scientific, or based on deep fact, but sometimes it's nice to chew the cud and hear other parents talking freely about the issues that might affect our own parenting and kids. I'd love to hear if there are any topics that particularly interest you, or if you agree/disagre with any of our views. Email Rachel @teenagersuntangled@gmail.com and you can sign up for my newsletter on the website at www.teenagersuntangled.com. Quote: Viktor Frankl: 'When a person can't find a deep sense of pupose he distracts himself with pleasure.' Sources: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-13454193/Mel-Stride-blames-pornography-video-games-alarming-surge-jobless-young-men.html#:~:text=Mel%20Stride%20said%20that%20easy,of%20economic%20inactivity%20across%20Britain. https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/china-president-xi-high-school-pupils-military-training-gkgwmj2q7 https://news.sky.com/story/which-countries-have-national-service-and-how-does-it-work-elsewhere-13143261 @Mrpink on Twitter https://eu.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/03/01/muscle-dysmorphia-bigorexia-are-severe-problems-thanks-to-tiktok/72792612007/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E90 · Wed, May 22, 2024

Failure to launch: What we can learn from struggling young adults about how to help our teens.90

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all love our kids and hope for the best, but we also worry about how well they'll navigate life once they're old enough to leave home. It's a fine balance between supporting them enough for them to feel loved, and letting them fail so that they learn the skills they need. With the reported increase in kids who 'fail to launch' I thought it might be really helpful to talk with someone who spends his days helping  young adults who're struggling. We talked about the vital importance of routine, helping them to feel positive about themselves - especially in the face of failure - what we can do to help them find their own purpose in life, and giving our kids healthy role models on which to build their own life. KEN'S TIPS: Start with the sleep/wake routine, helping them to create their own schedule. Once they have a solid routine in place, introduce three extra things: Something creative Something reflective  Something physical Types of anxiety: Body-based Mind-based Totems: something that represents a challenge Time-based  Distance: Having to leave a safe space  Depression:  All the parts of the daily routine will help make a difference to their depression. If you would like to ask Ken any questions, or learn more about mentoring: Www.kenrabow.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E89 · Wed, May 15, 2024

Missing out: The pain of FOMO. Why it’s particularly bad for teens, and how to help your teen. 89

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Missing out can cause visceral pain; particularly for teenagers, but why is it so awful and can anything be done to help them with it? This episode was inspired by a parent whose daughter is at an expensive private school, but the family are finally having to accept that they can't afford it and will have to withdraw her.  We love our, kids and want the best for them, but why choose something that's a massive stretch for us? What is 'the best' and where do we get our ideas from? I would argue that FOMO is at the root of the decision to put her there, and even the daughter's request a Hermes handbag, rather than a present more suitable for a young girl. In this episode we talk about where our desires come from and why our social environment can have such an impact. We discuss why figuring out, and staying anchored to, our own values whilst getting our kids to find something that really matters to them, is at the heart of protecting us from the pain of FOMO. RESOURCES USED: https://mo-issa.medium.com/ren%C3%A9-girards-mimetic-theory-changed-the-way-i-looked-at-my-own-desires-3ed029d042bf https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-fomo-4174664 https://www.theteenmagazine.com/what-teens-need-to-know-about-fear-of-missing-out Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E88 · Wed, May 08, 2024

Nagging: Reducing the friction using the magic of routine. 88

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Is it a constant battle to get your teens to do the right thing? Getting them to bed on time, eating healthily, keeping their screen time to an acceptable level are all problems that come up regularly. So when a listener asked for a script to use to get her teens into bed I decided that it was worth delving into what other parents are doing right and how we can adapt their behaviour to our own households. The research has made me rethink my own life structure and the importance of routine in decluttering my life. KEY REFERENCES: Atomic Habits - James Clear Podcast with Angela Duckworth - No Stupid Questions - 186 Do You Need a Routine? App I've started using: Streaks RESOURCES USED: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/your-stories/the-importance-of-routine/ https://zapier.com/blog/daily-routines/ https://journals.lww.com/iycjournal/fulltext/2007/10000/Family_Routines_and_Rituals__A_Context_for.2.aspx https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6378489/ SOME LISTENER RESPONSES: Melissa: I don't think I said much. Other than you sleep better if you don't do tech just before bed. I think intially the cut off was an hour before bedtime. Which gave flexibility to give them a ten minute warning etc.  Son mostly now stops tech before without prompting.  Grant:  As part of screen time, there is an option to set down time on each of their devices. It works well for us.  Natalie:  No phones, laptops or TVs in their rooms after 9.30pm but equally we, as parents, have to do the same. Read before bed, everyone asleep by 10.30pm latest on a school night. Not had to resort to plan B yet (WiFi turned off) as they do it.  Lead by example. Also no phones or TV at dinner and we all eat together every night. I'm a big believer in systems and routines. Less arguments as no suprises.  Ashleigh We try and stick to 8pm cut off. And it helps when they have sports training they need to sleep for Holly We have a 9pm cutoff. Phone gets plugged in in the hallway outside the room Sarah I have a cut off too. I started this when they were younger and then each year gradually increased the cut off, but they had to prove to me that they could come off their devices at the allotted time and get up for school the next day without any arguments. If they didn’t come off at the agreed time or were difficult the next morning, the agreement was that they would lose some screen time the next night by coming off earlier. I work on a “prove you can be trusted” basis with both my teens for almost everything. I rarely have trouble with them as they can see the benefits of trust e.g. they get to do more!  it’s worked wonders for my 17 year old who is having t

S3 E87 · Wed, May 01, 2024

School: Angry kids, bad behaviour, and school avoidance. What can parents and teachers do? 87

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Nearly one in five teachers in England has been hit by a pupil this year , according to a BBC survey. But it's not just in England. Stricter school discipline is making a comeback to Australian classrooms in a bid to help teachers stamp out disruptive behaviour. France is bringing back school uniforms to tackle the issue, and in America, more than 70% of 1,000 educators said in a recent national survey that students are misbehaving more now than they did before the pandemic in 2019. Meanwhile, teachers are leaving the profession faster than they're joining in the UK, and school avoidance rates are at an all-time high. It's a complex issue that Simon Currigan talks about a lot on his podcast, School Behaviour Secrets. In this conversation he gives us his version of what's happening, gives us a top tip on how to deal with a teen when they've lost control, the importance of asking why... at least five times, and gives us a framework for understanding school avoidance. NOTES TO SUPPORT THE PODCAST: SEND - Special Educational Needs and Disability SEMH - Social Emotional Mental Health needs; part of SEND EMOTION COACHING: Empathise with their position - connection before correction. Boundaries based on values. Problem-solving - get them to engage in coming up with solutions. The Toyota Five RAIDED framework for understanding school avoidance: Relationship problem Anxiety  Identity - what do people like me do in a situation like this? Direction - where they are focusing so it can be a desire to be out of school because of what's happening at home.  Environment - is the school too overstimulating or do they have sensory needs? Dislocation - do they feel unwelcome in the school community, as if they don't belong. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.face

S3 E86 · Wed, April 24, 2024

Where’s my village? The stress of parenting in the ‘sandwich generation’.86

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? My aunt and uncle provide a huge amount of free childcare so that their son and daughter-in-law can work, but many say that's not been their experience. The Boomers have become notorious as a generation who are known to have reaped the rewards of the post-war boom but who appear to be more interested in travelling and enjoying themselves than supporting the next generation in their child-rearing struggles.  Having a living parent who's 65 or older whilst raising a child under 18 is Pew Research's definition of someone in the Sandwich Generation. Being a Sandwich Generation parent in an ailing economy, means being pulled in many directions at the same time. Pew says 'not only do many provide care and financial support to their parents and their children, but nearly four-in-ten (38%) say both their grown children and their parents rely on them for emotional support.' In this episode we talk about the trials of the Sandwich Generation, and it's rather more nuanced than the headlines make it sound. We discuss how important it is for us all to build community, to have open discussions about our needs and expectations, and to live in the season of our life. GENERATION: PEW RESEARCH DEFINITION Gen Z – 1997 – 2012  Millennials were born between 1981 and 1996  Gen X were born between 1965 and 1980 Boomers can be broken into two segments (Beresford research) – the first is 1946 and 1954 and the second is 1955-1964 And the Silent Generation who were born between 1928 and 1945 RESOURCES USED: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2013/01/30/the-sandwich-generation/#:~:text=A%20Profile%20of%20the%20Sandwich,are%20pulled%20in%20many%20directions. https://www.newsweek.com/who-are-sandwich-generation-children-caring-parents-1778400 https://www.investopedia.com/terms/s/sandwichgeneration.asp#:~:text=The%20sandwich%20generation%2C%20in%20the,%2C%20adult%20children%2C%20and%20grandchildren. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandwich_generation#Development_of_the_concept_and_definition https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20210128-why-the-sandwich-generation-is-so-stressed-out https://www.wash

S3 E85 · Wed, April 17, 2024

Perfectionism: Help your teen, and yourself, overcome the need to be perfect. 85

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Nobody likes making mistakes, but some of us find it much harder than others. Whilst most of us look on with admiration at the kid who's prepared to keep working until they do things perfectly, underlying that drive can be a painful belief that they're never going to be good enough. The knock-on effect can be a lifetime of anguish and all sorts of issues with starting and finishing projects. So when our listener asked us to talk about how to help her daughter who's showing signs of being a perfectionist, we bumped it up our schedule.  In essence, we parents need to strive to avoid black and white thinking and find the middle path; a growth mindset that welcomes mistakes as an opportunity to learn, and the resilience to use those mistakes to try again. Some signs: Frequent catastrophic reactions Refusal to try new things Being very self-critical and self-conscious  BOOKS: The Perfectionism Workbook for Teens by Anne Marie Dobosz Perfectionism: What's Bad about Being Too Good? by Miriam Adderholdt-Elliott, Miriam Elliott, & Jan Goldberg (Monarch Books)  When Perfect Isn't Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism by Martin M. Antony & Richard P. Swinson (New Harbinger Publications)  When Good Enough Isn't Good Enough: The Real Deal on Perfectionism by Thomas S., Ph.D. Greenspon (Free Spirit Publishing) A lot of the research for this episode was drawn from an article by Amy Morin, the speaker who made 'The secret to becoming mentally strong. '  SOURCES: https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2017/06/25/9-signs-youre-a-perfectionist-and-thats-not-a-good-thing/ https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/young-adult/Pages/What-Fuels-Perfectionism.asp https://www.verywellfamily.com/what-to-do-when-your-child-is-a-perfectionist-4147432 ANXIETY PDF: //www.anxietycanada.com/sites/default/files/OvercomingPerfectionism.pdf Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://ww

S3 E84 · Wed, April 10, 2024

Money: Giving teens and tweens an allowance. Two years on. 84

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? What we give our kids to spend, and when, is a perennial problem for all parents. Money is a really tricky topic in any relationship; behind it lurks power, responsibility, and freedom.  When our kids hit their tween and teen years their needs and desires begin to rise rapidly, so how we enable them to get those things will have a lot to do with how we feel about handing them money, and what we say to them about it.  Early on, I decided that I would use money during the teens years to begin the handover of responsibility in an attempt to teach my teens the value of budgeting and managing their own finances.  This episode is an opportunity to hear how my system works and - two years on from when I first talked about it - to hear one of my teenagers discuss what the system has done for her and her sister.  It's not perfect, nothing ever is, but hopefully listening to someone else's experience can help us all think through the best way to set up our own system that works for us.  Let us know what you think teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E83 · Wed, April 03, 2024

Fun: Having fun with our teens, and the bonding power of laughter. 83

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Many teenagers say their relationship with their parents is very stressful and they yearn to be able to get along better. They often feel that their parents are on their case all of the time and that they never talk about anything interesting or light-hearted.   Conflict is an inescapable part of parenting, but it doesn't need to  be the only part. As parents, we can make such a difference by setting a more light-hearted tone. It's one of the best ways to build the bond in our relationship, which then makes it easier to deal with the more difficult parts of life.  Rachel asked listeners to share the ways in which they enjoy spending time with their teens and in today's episode we also share our own experiences of keeping it light and happy.  Hopefully, it will give us all faith that parenting teens can be enjoyable, and some ideas of ways in which we can keep our bond strong.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E82 · Wed, March 27, 2024

Resilience: Growing Resilience In Teens, or GRIT. An interview with Dr Louise Randall. 82

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Grit is the ability to keep going toward a goal, even in spite of significant obstacles and distractions. It's a very apt name for the charity created by Dr Louise Randall, who was seeing many kids coming into her doctor's surgery needing help with difficult problems - such as self harm, eating disorders, and other mental health issues - and very little help available. In this interview we talk about how she uses boxing to teach resilience to help teens connect with their place in life and their own bodies, in a meaningful and healing way . One thing I love about this interview is that Louise gave us parents some of her top tips. Although she was reluctant, I pointed out that this podcast is all about helping parents to realise that we don't need to be experts to be good parents. We can all offer tips and support to each other because we all gets things wrong but we also learn things that might help others. Removing the judgement is critical to allowing us all to grow and do better. A great acronym to remind us not to talk with our teens about something that's been bothering us if we are: HALT Hungry Angry Late Tired The beautiful letter recommended by Louise: https://gretchenschmelzer.com/parents-corner/2015/6/23/the-letter-your-teenager-cant-write-you?format=amp Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E81 · Wed, March 20, 2024

Concentration, and the troubling effect of too many choices. 81

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Does a goldfish have a longer attention span than us humans  - as a Microsoft study found - or do we believe the latest study on concentration which says adults have actually increased in their ability to pay attention since the 1990's? The latest study made us wonder about what's really going on, because we all know that gamers have phenomenal powers of concentration, but the rest of us feel we're struggling with attention. Perhaps our real problem is a lack of focus caused by too many choices for what we could be doing. In this episode, we talk about the two studies, other studies relating to the problems associated with too much choice, the impact of sleep-deprivation, and positive ways in which we can help ourselves to get things done in our daily lives.  TED talk: The gratification monkey - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=arj7oStGLkU BOOKS: The Collapse of Parenting by Leonard Sachs THE MAIN STUDY: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/377035152_Is_there_a_Flynn_effect_for_attention_Cross-temporal_meta-analytical_evidence_for_better_test_performance_1990-2021https://pure.hw.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/106082041/1-s2.0-S0191886923003409-main.pdf https://www.csoonline.com/article/551475/microsoft-goldfish-have-higher-attention-spans-than-we-do-thanks-to-digital-lifestyles.html https://www.theguardian.com/money/2010/jul/24/secret-to-improving-concentration#:~:text=Fuel%20your%20mind.,water%20as%20dehydration%20impoverishes%20concentration.   https://time.com/3858309/attention-spans-goldfish/ ( https://standard.asl.org/27705/uncategorized/social-media-causes-attention-spans-to-drop/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20survey%20conducted,use%2C%20was%20distracting%20to%20them .) Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com I

S3 E80 · Wed, March 13, 2024

Eldest daughter 'syndrome' and the trouble with parentification. 80

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The hashtag #eldestdaughtersyndrome is reported to have had a whopping 24.7 million views on TikTok, and counting, but what is it and why is it getting so much attention?   We look at the issues faced by the eldest sibling in the family, then talk more specifically about why daughters can feel resentful of the role that's foisted on them. It's easily done by us parents, particularly if we live in a patriarchal society.   The expectation that they will do more of the emotional and domestic heavy-lifting in the family than the other siblings can teach them great life-skills, even make them successful in the workplace, but it can also make them resentful at missing out on the benefits of childhood.  In this episode we talk about how we spot it and what can we do to rebalance what might be happening in our family.  THE EXCELLENT BOOK I MENTIONED: The Thorn Birds by Colleen McCullough USEFUL ARTICLES FROM HOME GIRLS UNITE ON INSTAGRAM: https://www.npr.org/2010/11/18/131424878/how-much-does-birth-order-shape-our-lives https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/eldest-daughter-syndrome-oldest-sibling-family-responsibilities BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS FROM SAGE THERAPY CHICAGO: The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are by Dr. Kevin Leman The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Our Family Order Influences Our Lives by  Lisette Schuitemaker  The Sibling Effect: What the Bonds Among Brothers and Sisters Reveal About Us by Jeffrey Kluger Sisters First: Stories from Our Wild and Wonderful Life by Jenna Bush Hager and Barbara Pierce Bush You Were Always Mom's Favorite!: Sisters in Conversation Throughout Their Lives by Deborah Tannen Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay C. Gibson REFERENCES USED:  https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2023/11/first-born-children-eldest-daughter-family-dynamics/675986/ https://www.charliehealth.com/post/what-is-oldest-daughter-syndrome#:~:text=Due%20to%20the%20responsibilities%20and,siblings%20from%20a%20younger%20age. https://www.modernintimacy.com/what-is-eldest-daughter-syndrome/#:~:text=Signs%20of%20Eldest%20Daughter%20Syndrome%20in%20Adulthood&text=Eldest

S3 E79 · Wed, March 06, 2024

Taking things personally, coping with adversity, teen love and changing our minds when we get new information. 79

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Sometimes it's good to talk about our own challenges. The occasional chat in which we discuss the sorts of things we've been facing can help to dispel any myths that other people have got things sorted, and can also give you ideas of how to reframe your own battles. In this episode we cover how important it is to keep reminding ourselves to not take things personally. We talk about a teen who has battled through numerous issues and come out looking like a swan. The key message is that we want our teens realise that it takes time to get there. She didn't pop out fully-formed, but the battles she's faced have made her far more powerful - and dare I say happier.  We talk about how uncomfortable it can feel for us parents when our teen starts falling in love. We've covered the gritty 'teens having sex in our home', but this is more about the feelings we can experience as our child becomes romantically entangled. The final reflection covers how difficult and challenging it can feel to be presented with new facts which require us to change our mind about something we believe to be true. Let us know what you think; we always love feedback and any suggestions for new episodes. CHAPTERS: 00:02:02 Not taking things personally 00:05:47 Building resilience through hardship one step at a time 00:14:53 The importance of practice 00:16:43 Coping with your teen's first relationship 00:20:21 Same-sex relationship 00:29:32 The importance of being able to change your mind when you have new facts Support the show </p

S3 E78 · Wed, February 28, 2024

Manners: Parenting to help teens succeed in life by teaching the importance of good manners. 78

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Many teens roll their eyes if they hear people talking about manners. The concept sounds old fashioned - like something that should be relegated to the Victorian past - but often what they're thinking about is etiquette rather than manners. I went into the differences, and nuances, of manners in part two of this previous episode: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-23-coping-with-an-empty-nest-and-manners-what-they-are-and-why-do-they-matter/ For this episode I've been joined by Brooke Romney, the author of 52 Modern Manners for Teens,  about the vital role manners have in setting up our teens for success. I mentioned a few previous episodes in the podcast. What do you think about manners? Do you have any particular ones that really matter to you. Supporting your teen with meeting people and making friends: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-26-friendships-how-to-support-your-teens-social-skills-in-making-and-keeping-friends/ Posting bikini shots: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/75-why-are-girls-posting-bikini-pics-and-what-should-we-say-about-them/ Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/76-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/ SECTIONS: Social norms, manners, and relationships in teenagers. (2:06) Parental intentions and manners education for teenagers. (7:18) Social manners and etiquette for teenagers. (10:03) Teenage social skills and online etiquette. (16:52) Teaching teens social skills and emotional intelligence. (21:31) Empowering teens through skills and teamwork. (26:11) Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E77 · Wed, February 21, 2024

Admitting our mistakes - talking to our kids about our own sex and drugs and rock and roll teen years. 77

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We've all got a past, but telling our kids about what happened in it is a tricky subject. Whether it's all about the fun - sex and drugs and rock and roll - or things that caused deep trauma, there's a good chance that our teens will start asking questions at any point.  Sometimes they're genuinely curious they want to connect, and get to know what makes the human that's one of the most important people in their life. Other questions are just an attempt at getting a free pass to do things that they might otherwise be held back from.  Opening up, and being honest with them, can help them in the process of growing up. It will help them to understand why you operate the way you do, and create a deeper connection with you. If we are too open with our kids we risk flipping the table and turning them into our own therapists or parents.  In this episode we delve into the issues involved, and talk about how we parents can tread that difficult line with our kids.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-20-how-to-talk-to-your-teenagers-about-drugs-and-how-to-deal-with-a-teenager-who-says-they-dont-want-to-see-the-other-parent/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/ SEGMENTS: Trauma, parenting, and sexual assault. (0:02) Bonding with adult children through shared experiences. (1:12) Parenting and teenage mental health. (4:09) How to answer children's awkward questions. (10:29) Parenting and honesty with teenagers. (14:18) Sharing personal stories with children for emotional growth. (21:28) Navigating difficult conversations with children after trauma. (23:41) Sharing traumatic experiences with children. (27:31) https://edition.cnn.com/2014/03/04/living/parents-telling-kids-about-past-drug-use/index.html https://www.parentcircle.com/things-parents-to-remember-before-talking-to-children-about-past-life/article https://theritesofpassage.biz/how-much-of-my-own-sexual-past-should-i-share-with-my-kids/ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jul/16/i-was-raped-how-much-should-i-tell-my-children https://community.babycenter.com/post/a30429415/do_you_think_its_ever_right_to_tell_your_teenage_child_you_were_rapedabused https://apn.com/resources/how-to-talk-to-your-kids-about-your-past/ https://drlizhale.com/talking-to-your-child-a

S3 E76 · Wed, February 14, 2024

Standards: Setting high expectations without the pressure. 76

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? One of the trickiest questions for parents is how to set expectations that help our kids thrive and grow without crushing them or making them feel low self-esteem or shame.   If we don't set expectations we run the risk of making our kids feel like nothing they do really matters, so they can feel overlooked and apathetic about life, but we've all heard about parents who damage their kids through unreasonable demands. Our expectations are born out of our own ideas of what matters, so how do we know that we're not pushing toxic ideas on to our kids? In this episode we talk about how today's society has come expect very little of our teens, whilst seemingly piling on pressure and expecting too much. We talk about how critical the growth mind set is, the stages we go through in learning a skill, and how we parents can support out teens to grow a wide range of important skills without damaging their self-esteem in the process.  PREVIOUS EPISODES THAT ARE RELEVANT:   Episodes 5, 10, 38 & 40 https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/40-exam-revision-parenting-through-the-pressure/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/38-talking-to-teachers-about-your-teen-how-best-to-do-it-and-why-it-still-matters/ THE SKILL MATRIX: Unconscious incompetence. Conscious incompetence. Conscious competence. Unconscious competence. QUESTIONS THAT WILL EMPOWER YOUR TEENAGER:  Are the expectations placed upon me realistic?  Do they align with my values?  Is meeting those expectations within my control?  What and how do I communicate if the expectations are unreasonable or make me resentful? https://www.sec-ed.co.uk/content/best-practice/nqt-special-what-do-high-expectations-actually-look-like/ https://sonyalooney.com/the-paradox-of-expectations-pressure-and-comparison-in-sport-and-life/ https://www.teachwithmrst.com/post/setting-clear-expectations Teach Like a Champion by Doug Lemov Marie Amaro, principal presenter at the You Tube channel the Highly Effective Teacher https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/life-smar

S3 E75 · Wed, February 07, 2024

Social media and girls posting bikini photos. Help! 75

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? They're everywhere. Tabloid news feeds and social media are awash with photos of girls and women in bikinis, and why not? Women's bodies are beautiful and through antiquity the female form has been admired.  Yet many parents are deeply uncomfortable with the type of photos being posted, the age of the girls when they do it, and what it all means about them.  When Sharon asked us to talk about what's going on, and how she can help her daughter think more about her own values, and what she is posting, we knew it was a great topic for us.  EMOTIONAL EATING HELP: https://www.helpguide.org/ARTICLES/diets/emotional-eating.htm RESEARCH: https://www.vogue.co.uk/article/bikini-selfie https://her.ie/life/instagram-rule-created-teenagers-beyond-frightening-327076 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-66877718  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E74 · Wed, January 31, 2024

Diet: Does my teen need to lose weight? How to navigate diet culture with Elyse Resch. 74

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Diets, and an obsession with weight, are so much a part of Western culture that it's hardly surprising our teens can struggle to understand how to eat well. When I researched the topic for episode 9, I discovered that many experts are using mindful - or intuitive - eating to treat patients who develop disordered eating patterns. Indeed, the Intuitive Eating Workbook, which is now in its fourth edition, is recommended on the website of the UK's premier eating disorder charity Beat.  I reached out to Elyse Resch who is co-author of that book, because she has a long list of academic and industry accreditations, and  decades of experience in dealing with eating issues. Even better, she's created The Intuitive Eating Workbook for Teens to help our kids at one of this vulnerable stage.    I’m delighted that she agreed to help us unpick how we are talking with our teens about this tricky subject. CONTACT ELYSE RESCH: elyseresch@gmail.com https://elyseresch.com/EResch/ DEALING WITG EMOTIONAL EATING: https://www.helpguide.org/articles/diets/emotional-eating.htm   THE TEN PRINCIPLES OF INTUITIVE EATING: https://www.intuitiveeating.org/10-principles-of-intuitive-eating/ • Reject the Diet Mentality. Throw out the diet books and magazine articles that offer you the false hope of losing weight quickly, easily, and permanently • Honour Your Hunger. Keep your body biologically fed with adequate energy and carbohydrates. Otherwise you can trigger a primal drive to overeat • Make Peace with Food . If you tell yourself that you can’t or shouldn’t have a particular food, it can lead to intense feelings of deprivation that build into uncontrollable cravings and, often, bingeing. • Challenge the Food Police. Scream a loud no to thoughts in your head that declare you’re “good” for eating minimal calories or “bad” because you ate a piece of chocolate cake. • Discover the Satisfaction Factor. When you eat what you really want, in an environment that is inviting, the pleasure you derive will be a powerful force in helping you feel satisfied and content. • Feel Your Fullness. Pause in the middle of eating and ask yourself how the food tastes, and what your current hunger level is. • Cope with Your Emotions. Food won’t fix any of these feelings. It may comfort for the short term, distract from the pain, or even numb you. But food won’t solve the problem. • Respect Your Body. Accept your genetic blueprint. Just as a person with a shoe size of eight would not expect to realistically squeeze into a size six, it is equally fu

S3 E73 · Wed, January 24, 2024

Regrets? Things we parents would do differently. 73

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? My teen daughter has told me that the fact I am open about my own failings, and quick to apologise, makes it much easier to trust me and to feel safe admitting when she's gone wrong.  It's so easy to look back and see our mistakes, or where we might have done things better, but it’s hard to admit to them and forgive ourselves. The truth is, it's incredibly difficult to get it right in the moment.  As we discuss in this episode, when it comes to the sliding doors versions of life we can never really know whether a different path would have turned out better. All we can do is to try our best with what we have right now.  We've made this episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully some good tips too.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E72 · Wed, January 17, 2024

Unreliable parents: The absent or inconsistent parent who’s alcoholic. Also, supporting your teen back to school. 72

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When the other parent is inconsistent, or never turns up for your kid, it can be incredibly challenging for both of you. It's hard enough as it is, but can be even more challenging when they are abusing a substance, such as alcohol or drugs. When a listener told us about the difficulty she has parenting a teen son whose absent dad is an alcoholic we thought it was an important subject, and one worthy of discussion. So how do we support a tween or teen in this position? What do we say to them? How do we help them with the feelings they might be having? The National Association for Children of Alcoholics suggests using this mantra: I didn’t cause it I can’t cure it I can’t control it I can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself. BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/ Support: The National Association for Children of Alcoholics https://nacoa.org.uk/ https://allthingssimplywindy.com/how-to-deal-with-an-absent-dad/ https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-child-parenting-issues/help-children-handle-unreliable-parent/ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/helping-a-child-cope-with-an-absent-parent/ https://fathers.com/blog/consistency/what-consistency-looks-like-in-a-dad-5-keys/ https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/types-of-damaging-fathers-how-they-influence-who-we-are https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-absentee-fathers-2997224 https://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Child-Cope-with-a-No%E2%80%90Show-Parent https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/When-Daddy-Dont-Love-Their-Daughters-What-Happens-to-Women-Whose-Fathers-Werent-There-for-Them https://www.joincake.com/blog/death-of-a-father-I-never-knew/ https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/my-sons-father-is-inconsistent.4623629/ https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/explaining-alcoholism-child/ https://www.parentingforbrain.com/parental-rejection/ https://www.riversidecounsellingservice.co.uk/2020/06/09/

S3 E71 · Wed, January 10, 2024

Back to school, third places, manners and our favourite podcasts, shows, books and apps. 71

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We're back with the first fresh episode of 2024. What a good time to talk about some of the things we've been reading, listening to, and watching, along with some news stories.  Let us know what you think. We're always interested in any feedback; positive or negative, and we'd love to hear from you if you have any great recommendations. teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Podcasts recommended:  Mel Robbins Unpublished  Good Bad Billionaire Everything Is Fine Search Engine: Why can't we just turn the empty offices into apartments? TV: Hunger Games Netflix - Watch World War II: From the Frontlines Book: Do Hard Things: A teenage rebellion against low expectations by Alex and Brett Harris. Calendar app: TimeTree School: PISA scores: https://www.oecd.org/publication/pisa-2022-results/country-notes Emotionally based school avoidance: https://www.leedsbeckett.ac.uk/student-anxiety-guide Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E70 · Mon, January 01, 2024

New year's resolutions. Love them or loathe them the question is how can we make them work for us? 70

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits.  The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun? In this podcast: We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution.  How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you. How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy. And how using positivity can keep us going. Some ideas: Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answer Find one on one time with each child Don't text and drive Create a tech contract Create a chores contract Yell less Listen more Sort out sleep routines End your work day Find space for you Don't judge out loud Let your teen cook once a week Don't judge people out loud Let your teen make their mistakes so they learn from them Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see Practice gratitude Build a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situation Make time for your partner Get outside more Sit down to family meals more often Find games or activities you can all enjoy together Resources: Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold. https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/ https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/ https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/ https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: <a href='https://m.facebook.com/t

S3 E69 · Wed, December 27, 2023

Presents: Why is my teen so ungrateful? 69

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like a time of pressure to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment?  One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss  how to better deal with a teenager's lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations, and our feeling that they don't appreciate what's been done for them. RESOURCES: https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/ https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amp https://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/ https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.html https://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/ https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309 https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-en Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: <

Wed, December 20, 2023

69: Christmas and the holiday season. A time of family festivities or fights?

Send us a text We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations.  Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure. We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house. https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/ https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/ https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/ https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E68 · Wed, December 13, 2023

Parenting teenagers two years on: Online, education, anxiety, consequences, and the pressures of parenting. 68

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It's our two year anniversary, and what a ride it's been! Since we're taking a break to spend time with our families, we thought it would be the perfect time to reflect on what we think are the best things we've learned over the years, and signpost which episodes you might want to listen to again. Key episodes discussed: The blog https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/two-years-on-and-some-of-the-episodes-that-have-impacted-me-most/ Talking techniques: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/ Consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-32-consequences-and-the-teen-who-doesnt-seem-to-care/ Blog on consequences: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ Online: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-4-protecting-your-tweenteen-from-doing-something-illegal-with-their-phone-camera-aka-sexting-also-how-and-why-you-might-give-your-teen-an-allowance/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-13-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-pornography-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great-ways-to-spend-time-with-your-teen/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-33-boys-online-we-urgently-need-to-talk-about-red-pills-role-models-and-the-manosphere/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/66-online-grooming-how-to-keep-our-teens-and-tweens-safe-how-to-spot-if-your-child-has-fallen-pre/ Secondary school and anxiety: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill

S3 E67 · Wed, December 06, 2023

Online grooming and sextortion: protecting our teens and tweens. 67

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The pandemic saw thousands of children moving online to learn, socialise, and play. Unfortunately, internet predators have followed them there, using highly sophisticated tactics to reach children and coerce them into sexual activities. We were recently contacted by our listener therapist, Frances, who says that she's been dealing with cases of grooming online and thinks it's vital that we discuss the topic. She's right to highlight it. I've been contacted by parents who have confided in me that their teen has fallen victim; both boys and girls.  The disturbing nature of their activity has been exposed by Internet Watch Foundation analysts whose job it is to track down and view some of the very worst child sexual abuse material on the internet so it can be removed and blocked. They've seen a massive increase in abuse since lockdown.   The one thing I've learned from all of the research I've been doing is that we are pretty much the only gatekeepers online; the apps constantly duck responsibility. The key watershed is 13, because the internet companies aren't allowed to collect data on people below that age. But that's still incredibly young for most kids to be accessing the sort of things that are online, and often they lie about their age to get apps they aren't legally allowed.  We cover how to keep our teens safe, how to spot grooming, and what to do if your kid's a victim. https://www.victimsupport.org.uk/you-co/types-crime/sex-crimes/grooming/#:~:text=It's%20important%20to%20think%20carefully,that%20you%20can%20get%20help. https://www.ceop.police.uk/safety-centre/should-i-make-a-report-to-ceop-yp/ The story of Breck, who was lured to his death by a groomer https://www.breckfoundation.org/ https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/03/14/us/north-carolina-missing-teen-dallas-found/ Documentary series: Undercover Underage https://www.nspcc.org.uk/about-us/news-opinion/2023/2023-08-14-82-rise-in-online-grooming-crimes-against-children-in-the-last-5-years/# <a href='https://legaljobs.io/blog/online-predators-statistics/#:~:text=66.7%25%20of%20online%20predators'%20victims%20

S3 E66 · Wed, November 29, 2023

Eating disorders: An interview with Beat representative Umairah Malik. 66

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? One in eight UK teenagers now suffers from an eating disorder, according to the latest figures from the UK's National Health Service. That's a shocking fifteen-fold increase since before Covid.  These disorders are  notoriously sneaky; parents I've spoken to say they creep up on us and it can take a long time to realise what's going on.  It's even worse if we focus in on seventeen to nineteen year olds where one in twenty boys  and one in five girls has an eating disorder.  In this episode Rachel talks Umairah Malek, the Clinical Coordinator at the UK charity, Beat. She explains what an eating disorder is, what to look out for, and gives some great tips for how to support your loved one through to recovery.   Resources: The EAT-26 is a self-help test that takes just minutes to complete. [1] Mental Health America has a different version with fewer questions. [2] Neither test can diagnose an eating disorder, but they can help you understand if your symptom severity is improving. So taking them, and tracking your scores, could be helpful. The UK's Eating Disorder Charity - Beat (beateatingdisorders.org.uk) www.hopevirgo.com Www.feast-ed.org Facebook: Eating Disorder Family Support Books: www. beateatingdisorders.org.uk /get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/downloads-resources/helpful-books/ Hadley Freeman, Good Girls: A story and study of anorexia. Netflix: Everything Now - After months in recovery for an eating disorder, 16-year-old Mia devises a bucket list of quintessential teen experiences to make up for lost time. Previous episodes and blog: Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/eating-disorders-the-sneaky-stealth-bomb/ Healthy attitudes to eating: 9: Screens and teens. Here’s how to help them, and yourself, manage your time. Also can we talk about healthy eating without giving our teens an eating disorder? (teenagersuntangled.com) Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefi

S3 E65 · Wed, November 22, 2023

Parenting styles that enable teens to grow into capable adults.65

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all want the best for our kids, but there's a tricky balancing act between giving them the freedom to make the mistakes that build resiliency, and stepping in to protect and guide them. There's been a modern shift towards close management of our kids, and a constant eye on academic grades. But it's worth considering how to ensure our desire to support them doesn't end up having unintended consequences; stripping them of their ambition, self advocacy, and desire to tackle things in life that are hard. It's also worth considering how we parents will feel when that all-encompassing role begins to fade and they need to live life independent of us.  This episode takes a look at some of the modern styles of parenting, including the benefits and the problems in terms of turning out rounded adults. We also look at steps we can take to increase agency in our older teens in a way that will ease them into adulthood. If you're committed enough to listen to the very end you'll also hear our blooper. RESOURCES USED: Operation Varsity Blues on Netflix https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/what-is-helicopter-parenting/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/helicopter-parents-do-they-help-or-hurt-kids-1095041 https://www.mongooseresearch.com/blog/bulldozer-parents#:~:text=What's%20a%20bulldozer%20parent%3F,their%20child%20may%20come%20across. https://parentology.com/what-is-bulldozer-parenting/ https://www.businessinsider.com/helicopter-how-bulldozer-parents-harm-their-children-2023-6?r=US&IR=T Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E64 · Wed, November 15, 2023

How to Talk to Your Teen About Porn Without Shame or Panic. 64

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Has your kid seen porn? Research says 1 in 3 kids have seen explicit, hardcore porn by the age of 12, many by accident. Whether or not your tween or teen has seen it the fact that hardcore porn is widely available, free, and easily accessed from any device with an internet connection will be having an impact on the whole culture they are growing up in. We want our teens to feel that it's normal and natural to be interested in sex, and want to explore what's out there, but talking about it the modern issues can be a minefield. Whilst we're openly trying to teach our kids about consent, and educate our boys to be respectful of women, what they might be accessing online is the opposite. Much of it is degrading, and objectifying, and normalises potentially dangerous and harmful sexual behaviour. A lot of parents I have spoken with don't know how to have those conversations, so I contacted Dr Mandy Sanchez, from Culture Reframed, an organisation that provides free education resources and worksheets for parents. In this episode she talks about how, and when, to talk about porn with your kid. www.culturereframed.org www.teenagersuntangled.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E63 · Wed, November 08, 2023

Charging rent: should you charge your teens and young adults rent? 63

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In an era where house prices have gone up, wages have stagnated, and young people are staying in the family home for longer, how do we manage the transition to adulthood whilst our young are still living at home? One of the big debates for parents is whether teens and young adults should pay rent. So when one of our listeners asked us to talk about it, we thought it would be a great topic for our club. It’s definitely one to think about well beforehand, because your attitude to it will become an important subliminal message to your teen. For some, seeing your child move out, or start to pay rent is a critical stage in growing up. For others, the idea of charging your teenager - or any member of your family - rent is an absolute no-go. In fact the age at which our kids leave home varies wildly in different cultures; even within the same continent. Across Europe the average age of leaving home is 26, but in Sweden and Denmark it's closer to 21  and in Croatia and Malta it's nearly 32. We discuss the concept of being a teenager, how different cultures think about the topic, and the pros and cons of charging rent. RESOURCES: https://www.100yearlife.com/ Living and working in the age of longevity. https://www.lboro.ac.uk/media/media/research/crsp/downloads/2019-family-sharing--a-mminimum-income-standard-for-people-in-their-20s.pdf https://www.verywellfamily.com/should-you-charge-your-teen-rent-4106963 https://cafemom.com/parenting/we-make-our-teenager-pay-rent https://www.professorshouse.com/charging-a-teenager-rent/ https://www.newsweek.com/teen-asking-stepdad-pay-rent-house-reddit-1735656 https://empeople.com/learn/empeople-insights/6-real-money-lessons-for-teens https://sc.lawforkids.org/speakup/view_question.cfm?id=134&page=3 https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/charge-children-rent-debate-tiktok-b2342234.html https://www.afr.com/life-and-luxury/health-and-wellness/why-you-should-make-your-adult-kids-pay-rent-to-live-in-your-house-2022

S3 E62 · Wed, November 01, 2023

Exercise: are teens doing enough, and what can we do to encourage them? 62

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Nobody would argue against the benefits of exercise, but there are lots of school kids who dread physical education lessons, and dodge exercise whenever it's raised.  When Nicola contacted us asking for advice on how to get her 12 year old daughter to do more exercise we thought it was a perfect topic for us to discuss.  It turns out that lack of exercise in teens is a worldwide problem, most pronounced in South Korea, and that teen girls significantly trail boys in doing the recommended amounts of exercise in almost every country around the world.  ‘Globally, during adolescence, ‘girls’ worlds shrink, while boys’ expand’. One study finds that the map of 14-yo girls’ day-to-day movements is 2/5 the size of that of their 11-yo selves, and only 1/3 the size of 14-yo male peers’ movements. In Texas, teenage girls do 65% less physical activity than boys. Girls drop out of sport clubs in adolescence at far higher rates than boys. This sets a trend for life.’ Dr Rachel Hewitt author of In Her Nature We talk about what it feels like to come from a family that doesn't exercise, some of the big barriers to it such as lack of facilities, space, shame, and public perception of who should be exercising.  Hopefully this will help us, as parents, to focus on ways in which we can support our teens to get more active. It will definitely benefit them and, if we lead by example, the benefit will be for the entire family.   BOOKS: Bounce: Matthew Syed  TIPS: https://www.parkrun.org.uk/ App my daughter loves: Couch to 5k runner (yellow) by Fitness22 www.boostfit.com Parenting teenagers and media literacy. (0:02) News consumption, physical activity levels in teens. (3:33) Children's fitness and the importance of basic strength. (11:18) UK school policies and gender equality in sports. (16:04) Motivating kids to exercise and the impact of parental influence. (20:36) Promoting physical activity and exercise for families. (24:31) Promoting physical activity for teenagers. (28:49) RESOURCES: https://www.who.int/news/item/22-11-2019-new-who-led-study-says-majority-of-adolescents-worldwide-are-not-sufficiently-physically-active-putting-their-current-and-future-health-at-risk#:~:text=The%20study%2C%20published%20in%20The,85%25%20of%20girls%20and%2078%25 https://www.mayoclinichealthsystem.org/hometown-health/speaking-of-health/teens-and-exercise#:~:text=They%20are%20more%20likely%20to,t%20need%20to%20be%20boring. <a rel="payment" href="https://www.buymeacoffee.com/teenagers

S3 E61 · Wed, October 25, 2023

‘Trans’ and gender confusion: what to say to teens when we’re often more confused than they are. An interview with expert psychotherapist Stella O'Malley. 61

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The words non-binary, queer, trans, are regularly used in social media and the news nowadays. Many teens are far more educated on their significance than us parents; in fact many of us would be completely unprepared over how to support a child that announces they're trans. In some countries, and communities, anything that veers from heterosexual is still punished. In many first world countries there has been a large shift towards acceptance and understanding of people who don't fit into societal norms. School environments are being adapted to provide accommodations. For some, this seems like an obvious progression, and rooted in kindness and care. For others this can feel very challenging, even offensive if it impinges on other rights. Even if our own children aren't affected, they are living in a world were things have changed dramatically from when we were teenagers, so I decided we'd all benefit from listening to someone with extensive experience, and refreshing perspectives on gender. Stella O'Malley's a psychotherapist, writer, public speaker and parent, with many years’ experience working as a mental health professional. She's also the founder of Genspect, an international alliance of professionals, trans people, de-transitioners, parent groups and others who seek high-quality care for gender-related distress. https://www.stellaomalley.com/ Her podcast is called Gender: A Wider Lens, and her co-authored book is called When Kids Say They're Trans. LINK TO THE PARENT TOOLKIT: https://genspect.org/resources/parent-toolkit/ You can find out more about her at our website www.teenagersuntangled.com Thanks for listening. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my we

S3 E60 · Wed, October 18, 2023

Triggers and emotional spirals, also mobile phone bans and do schools know what to teach kids anymore? 60

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In most episodes Rachel uses her journalistic background to trawl through studies and find out what a range of experts think about a topic. Susie brings her wealth of knowledge and experience of mindfulness and parenting to the microphone. Together, the two of us talk about the reality of parenting. We're going to continue with that, but thought it might be nice to broaden the format to talk about current affairs topics, and how they affect us and our listeners. In this episode we chat about the latest in teen slang; which can be hilarious. We also discuss the banning of mobile phones in schools, why it's happening, why it hasn't happened before, and what the benefits and issues are that surround it. Also, we talk about exams. With the shift towards AI, is our education system really offering our teens what they need to equip themselves for being an adult? Are the subjects we study, and the way in which they are studied, still fit for purpose? Given that we can't get rid of AI, should we be incorporating it into the school curriculum? We don't promise answers, but we're very keen to think about it, because these issues directly affect our teens. We really enjoyed making this episode. What do you think? Shall we do it more regularly, or do prefer the research episodes? Would you like to hear more interviews? We're here for you (and to learn for our own sakes.) CHAPTERS: 2:01 Teen lingo 7:10 Reviews 9:07 The things that trigger us are an opportunity to know ourselves better. 12:32 Getting stuck in an emotional spiral. 15:57 Mobile phone ban in schools Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom whe

S3 E59 · Wed, October 11, 2023

Divorce: Marriage problems; how to talk to a teenager about what’s happening. 59

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Deciding to split can be an incredibly challenging time for any married couple, but knowing the impact it can have on our kids can make it even harder to navigate the complex untangling of a life together.  We were asked by one listener to talk about it, because she has a family member who's planning to divorce once their teen has finished their main exams, but keeping it quiet in the meantime. It's a tricky question; do we stay together for the kids, when do we tell them, and how?  In this episode we talk about a news article that claims teenagers are the ultimate marriage wrecker, the impact on teens who live with parents in an unhappy marriage, and whether they are better or worse off than those in a single parent family.  We talk about the best way to tell your teen you are splitting, an innovative way of dealing with it called nesting, which allows the kids to stay at home whilst the parents move in and out, and the new apps that can ease the burden of communication. Whatever path you choose, one of the best bits of advice I always give divorcing couples, is to try and choose a legal service that's trained in reconciliation to reduce the fighting, and cost, of going through such a difficult process. THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP: A few apps; but there are many out there: https://supportpay.com/ https://www.cozi.com/ https://www.custodyxchange.com/ https://www.onwardapp.com/ www.separatespace.co.uk Legal and mental health professionals who specialize in divorce. www.restoredlives.org online courses for people going through break-ups https://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/family-diversity/parenting-after-separation-divorce/helping-teens-adjust-separation#:~:text=If%20you%20and%20your%20partner%20separate%2C%20the%20ups%20and%20downs,not%20coping%20with%20the%20transition. https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/divorce/worst-divorce-age.php#:~:text=The%20school%2Daged%20years%20are,feel%20like%20a%20personal%20attack. https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/divorce-impact-adolescents/#:~:text=Effects%20of%20Divorce%20on%20Chil

S3 E58 · Wed, October 04, 2023

Teen dating. Talking about relationships or 'help, my son's come home with a hickey!' 58

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Stacy messaged to tell us that her son had come home with a hickey for a second time, and she wasn't sure whether her reaction was the right one. My goodness, parenting can be hard. Remember when you had your very first date? The butterflies, the nervous laughter, and the constant fear of saying the wrong thing? Now imagine your teen going through the same rollercoaster of emotions. In our latest podcast, we take a look at the words being used for dating, what teens are getting out of it; which is a lot of personal growth, excitement, and status. Don't miss the top tips on how to be the best parent possible to a teen who's started dating.   RESOURCES: https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12930 https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781315102023/gender-linda-lindsey https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1532-7795.2011.00737.x https://www.onlinedivorce.com/blog/percentage-of-high-school-relationships-that-last/ https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/empowering-teens/teenage-love/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7557791/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-single/201710/teen-dating-and-sex-hit-record-lows-recent-decades https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/is-teen-love-real-can-it-last/ https://www.researchgate.net/publication/230230368_The_Salience_of_Adolescent_Romantic_Experiences_for_Romantic_Relationship_Qualities_in_Young_Adulthood https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/teenagers-love https://study.com/academy/lesson/teen-relationships-psychology.html https://quizlet.com/66713147/adolescence-emerging-adulthood-ch-9-love-and-sexuality-flash-cards/# https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20team%20of,lust%2C%20attraction%2C%20and%20attachment. https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/relationships/what-is-three-love-theory-and-how-could-it-chan

S3 E57 · Wed, September 27, 2023

Emotional intelligence and how we can help ourselves, and our teens to develop it. 57

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Everybody knows intelligence is important, but until the 90's we relied on the testing of IQ to measure it. The problem was that IQ didn't really predict success. When the term emotional intelligence began being used it became clear that it may well provide the missing link for understanding what makes some people more successful than others. A teenager with a higher EQ will be better at communicating with others, and that helps them to resolve conflicts, understand where other people are coming from and support them. All of this helps them to manage their own emotions and overcome life's challenges. The REALLY good news is that, unlike IQ, it isn't fixed; we can grow our EQ, and we can help our teens to develop theirs too.   So, when Betty asked us to take a look at how she can do that for her twins we decided it was a great topic to discuss. EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369Jw REFERENCES: http://drbarbaraklein.squarespace.com/twins-develop-differently-than/ https://www.talentsmarteq.com/articles/11-signs-that-you-lack-emotional-intelligence/ https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2017/nov/03/emotional-intelligence-why-it-matters-and-how-to-teach-it Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S3 E56 · Wed, September 20, 2023

Gap years: What is a gap year and should our teens take one? 56

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? I'd never heard of a Gap Year until I took one, but it was life-changing; in a good way. Whether your teen is starting out at senior school, or about to hit a transition year, it's worth talking with them about whether taking a gap in their education or work life is a good thing, because the earlier and more they think about what they might like to achieve the more they might get out of it.  In this episode we discuss: When is the best time to take a gap year?  The benefits and the drawbacks.  How to structure and plan a gap year. Transitioning back to home and school after you've been away.   RESOURCES: Www.gapyearassociation.com https://www.abroadinjapan.com https://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/work-experience-and-internships/internships#how-do-i-find-internships-in-the-uk https://www.ucas.com/undergraduate/student-life/gap-year/gap-years-ideas-and-things-think-about https://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/gap-year/7-steps-to-the-ultimate-gap-year https://www.forbes.com/advisor/education/what-to-do-in-gap-year/ https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/10236-productive-gap-year.html https://www.ef.com/wwen/blog/language/ultimate-gap-year-guide/ https://www.nonstopsnow.com/journal/employers-universities-think-about-gap-years https://www.christs.cam.ac.uk/how-apply-1/gap-year https://gapforce.org/gb/why-take-gap-year https://medium.com/illumination/thinking-of-taking-a-gap-year-think-again-85714e18e8b https://www.rasmussen.edu/student-experience/college-life/taking-a-gap-year/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if y

S3 E55 · Wed, September 13, 2023

Grief: Supporting our kids through the worst. 55

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped. Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation. In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'. The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. BOOKS: When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs You Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela Lamas Being Mortal by Atul Gawande Smoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin Doughty The Choice by Edith Eger   PODCAST: https://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dying https://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdf https://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/ https://thegoodgriefproject.co.uk/ https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-death https://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/ https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-death https://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-death https://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-abou

S2 E54 · Wed, August 30, 2023

Anxiety: How to help your teen with anxiety, an interview with Renee Mill, Senior Clinical Psychologist. 54

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? For most of our episodes I research a topic and discuss it with Susie. We covered anxiety some time ago in that format, and it's continued to be one of our most popular downloads. So, when I was given the opportunity to interview a specialist in the area, I jumped at the chance.  In this interview, Renee Mill talks about the model she uses to treat patients, called the Ebb Flow model. # We also covered: How important it is to avoid labelling ourselves and how just talking about anxiety, and understanding why you have it, won't necessarily fix it. How important it is to treat symptoms of anxiety as soon as possible, to unwire the track of thinking before it becomes entrenched.  How our belief about an event will be one of the key reasons why we react the way we do. How to prepare our kids for their transition to a new school, and why it's so important to calm our own nerves about it and tune into the individual child and what they might need. How 'collaborative parenting', being a calm container, can really help our teens. How important it is to be clear about our values and beliefs with our teens. How important it is to be authentic with our kids. How choose to do things that aren't really important to us, but are things others are doing, set us up for failure. How articulating feelings can be very challenging for teens, and having a 'feelings' vocabulary can really support them. I loved Renee's point about having a list of emotions, and found this worksheet that we parents can use to try and identify our feelings, and those of our teens. https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/list-of-emotions You can find our previous discussion about anxiety here: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/ Here’s a link to a very helpful, NHS, website. https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts/ If you would like to read more about Renee Mill, and the services she offers, here's the link: https://anxietysolutionscbt.com/about/renee-mill/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please se

S2 E53 · Wed, August 23, 2023

Christmas and holiday stress with teenagers and tweens. 53

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? A holiday is when someone is free to do what they want, such as travel or relax. That's according to the Cambridge Dictionary. The problem with teenagers, is that what they want to do for several weeks over summer - such as sleep or use their electronic devices all day - may not fit with what we think they should be doing. Also, having them around, doing what they want, may not be very relaxing for others who're also on holiday, or trying to work. So how do we survive the school holidays in a way that leaves us, and our relationships, unscathed? Top tip: lower your expectations of yourself and them for at least the first two weeks, and avoid comparisons with other families. 1:26 Review: a safe haven 2:25 Review of Bigorexia episode 2:51 Hope for parents of kids who fight 4:31 Coaching resilience 6:43 Holidays with teens RESOURCES USED:   https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/surviving-the-school-holidays.htm https://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/opinion-how-to-cope-with-teenagers-during-school-holidays/VMGATMEQ6BK7LSYEPULSDHF464/ https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids-news/holidays-teenagers-survival-school-summer-24233790 https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/helping-teens-cope-with-holiday-stress https://anteloperecovery.com/how-to-support-your-teen-over-the-holidays/ https://www.youngminds.org.uk/professional/resources/self-care-support-over-the-summer-holidays/ https://parentandteen.com/connect-holidays/ https://www.liahonaacademy.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-teen-behavior-during-the-holidays.html https://anitacleare.co.uk/tempting-teens-off-tech-school-holidays/ https://smudgedpostcard.com/holiday-inspiration-holidays-teenagers/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the

S2 E52 · Wed, August 16, 2023

Transitioning to secondary school: What we wish we'd known about preparing our tweens & teens, and ourselves. 52

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The transition from junior to senior school can be thrilling; the chance to meet a much bigger group of kids, and gain more of the independence that's part of growing up. But change is always stressful, and when you combine a big shake up of friend groups with puberty, having to navigate your way around a larger school campus, and the immense pressure of having to study for endless exams, it's not surprising that the first year can feel very tricky. As one parent said, 'If your kid can get through that first year of senior school without wanting to stay home, or leave the school, then you're winning.' So what can we parents do to really help with the transition? OTHER EPISODES: TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/ SCREEN TIME MANAGEMENT: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/ FRIENDSHIP GROUPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/ ANXIETY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/ STAYING CALM: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/ VAPING TEENS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-35-vaping-teens-the-new-epidemic-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/ TALKING ABOUT ALCOHOL: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/ RESOURCES USED: https://www.parentkind.org.uk/assets/resources/Be-School-Ready-Secondary-English-July-2023.pdf https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/secondary/learning-school/starting-secondary-school https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/school-education/school-choosing-starting-moving/starting-secondary-school https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/blog/helping-your-child-manage-the-move-from-primary-to-secondary-school/ https://www.madeformums.com/school-and-family/preparing-your-child-and-yourself-for-secondary-school/ https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/6-months-send-how-emotionally-financially-prepare-your-child-college-ncna850771 https://www.thepersonal.com/blog/-/preparing-your-child-for-college-or-university-8-tips-for-success https:

S2 E51 · Thu, August 10, 2023

Memory: The critical tool that helps us do far more than pass exams. 51

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In this interview with Danielle Winton of Memory Strategy we talked about:  * Why we should care about memory stategies. * Key things parents can do to support their teens. * How to link a number to music. * Everyone can polish up their memory. * Using your body as a memory palace. * How to help yourself with memorizing names. * Using blurting to check what you remember. * Mind-mapping and memory. * Why to get students to be more creative about learning. For more about parenting teenagers listen to our podcast Teenagers Untangled, or go to the website www.teenagersuntangled.com For more on improving your memory, and the work of Danielle Winton, go to www.memorystrategy.com Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E50 · Mon, July 24, 2023

Snapchat addiction; the app that's a fantastic way to connect, or a cynical exploitation of your teenager's time? 50

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Snapchat has become a must-have for most teens, because it's now the way they stay in touch with their friends. The filters make it fun, they can see where their friends are on Snapmaps, and the instant photos give them a quick and easy contact point. But one of our listeners has contacted us asking for help with it. She says her teen son was already struggling to control himself when it comes to screens so she's delayed allowing him to have Snapchat, but caved because all of his friends are using it. Now, she says, he is always on a device and easily finds ways around the controls they have been trying to put in place; primarily to access Snapchat. Our previous episode on Screens and Teens covers the ways in which you can tackle it. It's not the amount of screen time we should worry most about, it's what they are doing with their screens.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/ Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen an device: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ Avoiding Tech Addiction - Tips and Tricks taken from Clicks by Natasha Devon. Remember you don't have to be on every app; pick the ones you find most fun and useful, and least toxic. Disable screen notifications. Decide in advance how much time you want to spend playing a game or browsing an app. Find ways to create 'space' between the urge and action of scrolling/gaming. Set a 'digital sunset' (a time when your phone goes in a drawer/on airplane mode) about an hour before you want to go to sleep. BLOG POSTS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/talking-about-snapchat-without-snapping/ https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ BOOKS: Stolen Focus by Johann Hari Clicks: How to be your best self online by Natasha Devon RESCOURCES USED: Legal filing  IN THE UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT FOR THE NORTHERN DISTRICT OF CALIFORNIA https://digitalcommons.law.scu.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=3760&context=historical https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-04-18/snap-says-it-s-wrongly-d

Thu, July 13, 2023

49: Teen/tween girl drama could be avoided if they’re taught how to become allies: an interview with Kim McCabe.

Send us a text We've all heard about mean girls, and girl drama, but is it inevitable, or are there things we can be doing to prevent it? Kim McCabe is an expert on teen and tween girl development who runs a  programme called Rites for Girls which coaches groups of tweens and teens to help them learn how to support each other, and act as allies, rather than resorting to less pleasant ways to feel safe.  We talked about the importance of good friendship, who decides what's beautiful, dealing with power bases, the value of the mother-daughter date, preparing your daughter for the summer and how to become a mentor to girls. Here's a link to my earlier discussion on this topic with Susie: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/ Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E48 · Mon, July 10, 2023

Bigorexia: Teens eating everything in the house, muscle building, and Bigorexia. 48

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Boys and men who display a muscular physique that's 'ripped', or 'cut'  get more likes and shares than other accounts on social media, so the algorithms behind the platforms are feeding a strong trend in muscle building amongst teen boys. But who ends up feeding the ravenously hungry, and is it all healthy?    Louise has asked us for help with how to manage feeding her growing lad.  Her son – who’s 17 - goes to the gym to muscle-build five days a week and then expects her to provide him with the foods that go with his lifestyle. With the current financial climate, she says can’t afford to provide him with all the food to match his gym needs.  She expects him to ask if he wants to take food because some of it is earmarked for an evening meal or baking. Sometimes he asks, sometimes he just helps himself. She says they’re continually falling out over this and she'd like some tips on how to deal with it.     The term Bigorexia was raised during my interview with Mike Nicholson from Progressive Masculinity. It's used to describe a particular form of body dysmorphia and controlled eating that's hard to spot, because the people suffering look outwardly super-healthy. It's a growing issue, and little understood, so we decided to use this episode to talk about both problems and give you some ideas for how to tackle them.  RESOURCES:   Do you have body dysmorphic disorder? Check here: https://bddfoundation.org/information/do-i-have-bdd-test/    HELP LINES ·        https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/ ·        https://bdd.iocdf.org/ ·        https://www.itv.com/thismorning/articles/eating-disorder-helplines ·         www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org RESEARCH USED: ·        https://www.menshealth.com/fitness/a41133394/bigorexia-muscle-dysmorphia-special-report/ ·          https://medicalxpress.com/news/2023-02-social-media-linked-symptoms-muscle.html ‘The day you start lifting is the day you become forever small’: Bodybuilders explain muscle dysmorphia  https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13634593221093494 More Muscles, More “Likes”: The Rise of Bigorexia and How Social Media is Fueling Unhealthy Body Image Among Young Men  in Behavioral Health , Clinical , Mental Health EHR , Outpatient Ca

S2 E47 · Mon, July 03, 2023

Anger issues: tips for dealing with an explosive and angry teen. 47

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help  with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions.   www.teenagersuntangled.com  EXCELLENT WORKSHEET: https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-anger RESOURCES USED: Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids . [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often. Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger . [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/. ‌Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide . [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023] ‌ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E46 · Mon, June 26, 2023

Masculinity, and positive ways of supporting our teenage boys: An interview with Mike Nicholson from Progressive Masculinity. 46

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The term toxic masculinity has been gaining traction, and is often used to talk about the type of masculinity where men use dominance, violence and control to gain power and superiority over others.  There's also been an increase in efforts to educate boys in how to talk more about their feelings. But with the rise of Incels, Andrew Tate, free porn, and pick up artists, you could be forgiven for wondering whether we're really making progress at all. So I contacted Mike Nicholson, Director of a programme called Progressive Masculinity. He goes into schools to talk to boys about masculinity. My key aim was to ask him more about how we as parents can better support our boys to develop a healthy style of masculinity. Mike Nicholson: www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk Other useful episodes on this topic: Andrew Tate and the mansophere: 33 Pornography: 13 Teen male friendships and the 'man box': 16 Great role model: LeBron James - American basketball player, father and philanthropist. Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/ Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDo Role models suggested by Mike: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/progressive-masculinity-and-great-models-for-our-boys/ Boys in education: https://www.ted.com/talks/richard_reeves_how_to_solve_the_education_crisis_for_boys_and_men/c?user_email_address=261da4b3403e372197fe941147a78e48 Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E45 · Mon, June 19, 2023

New relationships: Introducing your new partner to your teen.45

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? What's better than falling in love again, particularly after a divorce or breakdown of a previous relationship? If you've managed to find someone special in the messy tangle of life as a parent it can feel like a miracle, but your teen may not be anywhere near as enthusiastic about you moving on.  When Jamie asked us for help with how she can introduce her new partner to her teen we knew it was a great one for us to discuss. In this episode we talk about when to do it, how, and suggest ways to ensure your teenager sees it as a positive, rather than something that might ruin their life.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E44 · Mon, June 12, 2023

Risk-taking teens; the good news about bad behaviour.. 44

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all know that teenagers need their friends, and spending time with others protects against anxiety and all sorts of other mental health problems. At the same time, groups of teens are far more likely to take risks and behave in a delinquent manner, which is what one of our listeners has discovered. Aged 13, her son has already started doing things with his friends that have got him into trouble with the police, so she's come to us for help. In this episode we talk about long-term trends in teenage delinquency, what we know about the teenage brain, and the one key thing she can do to keep him from messing up badly whilst he's at this vulnerable age. BEHAVIOUR CONTRACT: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/teenage-behaviour-contracts/ RESEARCH STUDIES: The great decline in adolescent risk behaviours: Unitary trend, separate trends, or cascade https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953622009224#bib80  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2396566/#:~:text=Changes%20in%20Neural%20Oxytocin%20at,takes%20place%20early%20in%20adolescence . https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/troubled-teen-boy/ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.744794/full https://www.understandingboys.com.au/how-to-handle-your-sons-unhealthy-risk-taking/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-apes/202003/why-do-young-men-engage-in-risky-behaviors#:~:text=Risk%2Dtaking%20in%20males%20is,genes%20into%20the%20next%20generation. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-engaging-in-delinquent-behavior-4-ways-to-ma [Accessed 30 May 2023].   Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersun

Trailer · Wed, June 07, 2023

Teenagers Untangled: Who we are and how you can use the podcast.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E43 · Mon, June 05, 2023

Social media, and how to help your teens be their best selves online, with Natasha Devon MBE. 43

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? An interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover. It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to follow, online safety, and how to put your best self forward online. What I thought might be particularly useful for us parents was the Tips and Tricks section at the back. I'm going to use each heading to bring up discussions at the dinner table so that we can have  informed conversations about the issues involved. Book: Clicks: How to be Your Best Self Online by Natasha Devon MBE www.natashadevon.com Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E42 · Thu, June 01, 2023

Sleep; the free performance enhancer for our teens with no side effects. 42

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Everything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively.  For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep?   Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsiveness or poor grades are really a result of teenage hormones? Could they be caused by a chronic sleep deficit? In this episode we look at how much sleep our teens should be getting, how we can support them in reaching that goal, and the one tip for helping them to shift their sleep window.     ONLINE RESOURCES FOR PARENTS: https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/adults/adult-sleep-ebook/ https://teensleephub.org.uk/teens-young-people/ RESEARCH REFERENCES: Sleep in adolescents and young adults Ellen S Bruce , consultant rheumatologist,A Laura Lunt , adolescent and young adult rheumatology research assistant,B and Janet E McDonagh , consultant in paediatric and adolescent rheumatologyC https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6143346/ https://neurosciencenews.com/chronotype-shifts-23279/ https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/understanding-your-sleep-new-free-ebook-as-part-of-our-letstalksleep-campaign/ https://www.sleepfoundation.org/teens-and-sleep https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/news/20220914/lack-of-sleep-teens-may-lead-to-obesity https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ Mindell JA & Owens JA (2003). A Clinical Guide to Pediatric Sleep: Diagnosis and Management of Sleep Problems. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins.    Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit.

S2 E41 · Wed, May 10, 2023

Conflict resolution skills can deepen your relationship with your teen; here's how. 41

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding. Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/ RESOURCES: An excellent book:   Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson  Websites used: https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teens https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015   https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249 Other sources of help: https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/ https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/ http://www.familylives.org.uk/ https://www.relate.org.uk/get-help https://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E40 · Fri, April 28, 2023

40: Exam revision - Parenting through the pressure.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens. Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it? Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we support them. We talk about the top tips from Jade Bowler, who went from a U in Chemistry to an A*, and how important it is for us to help our teens keep their perspective. Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/revision-getting-to-why-1/ JUDGEMENT-FREE EXERCISECLASS: www.boostfit.com RESOURCES MY TEENS LOVE: The Only Revision Guide You’ll Ever Need by Jade Bowler DrFrost Amoebasisters Khan Academy www.khanAcademy.org https://flora.appfinca.com/en/ FLASHCARDS @quizlet  @quizizz  @getknowt  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E39 · Tue, April 18, 2023

Relationships and sex: how young is too young? 39

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Most first world countries agree that the age of consent is around sixteen, but teenagers don't suddenly awake to their sexuality on their sixteenth birthday. Sexual feelings and interest can start much younger, well before they’re able to understand the implications. One mother has asked us to talk about the issue, because she's struggling to find useful content.   Knowing the law helps guide us as parents, but it doesn't exactly stop teens from vaping and drinking if they want to, so we have to be prepared to consider how to deal with underage interest in sex too. Gone are the days when most people held back until marriage, and with the advent of free internet porn and social media there's a chance that our teens may know more about sex than we do.  So what should we be saying to them, how do we keep them safe, and how can we help them to know when they're ready for that next adventure in life?  THE BLOG POST WITH KEY POINTS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/it-might-be-illegal-but-when-did-that-ever-stop-a-teenager/ HELPFUL WEBSITES: https://www.culturereframed.org/ RESEARCH SOURCES: https://www.mindbodygreen.com/articles/when-is-person-ready-start-having-sex https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/720822 https://oxfordshirescb.proceduresonline.com/p_underage_sexual_act.html www.unchainedatlast.org https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5546176/ https://www.npr.org/2023/01/08/1147737247/teen-pregnancy-rates-have-declined-significantly https://courses.lumenlearning.com/adolescent/chapter/sexual-development/ https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/amp/entry/no-sex-please-we-re-your-parents-would-you-let-your-teen-have-sex-under-your-roof_n_7389178/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5546176/ https://courses.lumenlearning.com/adolescent/chapter/sexual-development/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not cop

S2 E38 · Mon, March 27, 2023

Teachers: how, and why, we should talk to our teenager's teachers. 38

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock. So how much should we be talking with our teen's teachers, does it make much of a difference, and what's the best way of going about it? Resources used: https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/9-tips-on-how-to-talk-to-a-teacher   https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1156936.pdf https://www.futurity.org/parents-teens-school-806392/ https://www.parents.com/kids/education/back-to-school/the-smart-way-to-talk-to-teachers/ https://www.scholastic.com/site/pam-allyn/5-easy-to-steps-to-great-communication-with-your-child-s-teacher.html Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E37 · Fri, March 17, 2023

Emotional issues. How to not overreact. 37

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point.  Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?   Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat,   So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference.  This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens.  BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS: When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay Longworth The Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve Peters RESOURCES: How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allan https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recap https://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/   https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescence Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E36 · Fri, March 03, 2023

Stress: Techniques for dealing with the pressures of parenting. 36

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The stress of parenting doesn’t go away when they’re teenagers, it just changes. We may have more physical space, but finding mental space can often feel impossible. In this episode we talk about the tools we can use to manage parenting stress, and why paying attention to our own health should be at the top of our list, not the bottom. Links to resources used: Window of tolerance: https://neurodivergentinsights.com/blog/hypoarousal-hyperarousal https://www.ted.com/talks/helen_pearson_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_human_development?language=en A free app to help with breathing to relax: breathe2relax https://www.healthychildren.org/English/family-life/family-dynamics/Pages/Feeling-Overwhelmed-with-Parenting-Demands.aspx https://www.inc.com/jessica-stillman/scientists-followed-thousands-of-kids-for-70-years-this-is-biggest-takeaway-for-parents.html https://visionsteen.com/nature-vs-nurture-affect-teenage-brain-development/ https://parentingscience.com/parenting-stress-evidence-based-tips/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E35 · Thu, February 23, 2023

Vaping teens. How to educate and discourage them. 35

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Nicotine is considered highly addictive, and sales of vapes to teens are illegal, but the numbers of teens vaping nicotine in countries around the world are causing great concern. In America, the FDA called it an epidemic and is cracking down on the marketing and illegal sales of e-cigarettes to minors.   France’s anti-tobacco lobby called for the immediate ban of a brand of flavoured, disposable e-cigarettes - that are cheap and look like highlighters - which have become a hit with teenagers who’re drawn to neon colours and fun flavours. A recent study in affluent SA schools showed one in four students are vaping.  In England, even the big supermarkets have been caught selling vapes that are above regulated nicotine strength.  So what's actually going on and - as parents - what can we do? Blog post: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/vaping-and-what-i-would-do-if-i-discovered-my-teen-was-using/ WATCH WITH YOUR TEEN: Big Vape - Broken Series on Netflix https://www.imdb.com/title/tt14081634/ McCall Mirabella - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IluaaGVtJFU RESEARCH SOURCES: https://utswmed.org/cancer/community-outreach/join-a-conversation/beating-nicotine-together/how-to-quit-vaping-teen/ https://teen.smokefree.gov/quit-vaping https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/ask-sam/school-college-and-work-asksam/is-it-ok-to-vape-under-age-/ https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/nicotine-vaping-in-england-2022-evidence-update/nicotine-vaping-in-england-2022-evidence-update-summary https://digital.nhs.uk/news/2022/decrease-in-smoking-and-drug-use-among-school-children-but-increase-in-vaping-new-report-shows https://ash.org.uk/uploads/Ongoing-research-on-youth-vaping-and-gap-analysis-_15-August-22_FINAL.pdf?v=1663860791 https://parade.com/1093720/julia-savacool/vaping-vs-smoking/ <a href='https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/nicotine-vapin

S2 E34 · Wed, February 08, 2023

School avoidance: what to do if your teen is missing school. 34

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The 'social contract' between families and schools has been broken during the pandemic, and ongoing absence of kids is a 'deep and concerning problem' according to Amanda Spielman, chief of the UK schools watchdog. Rates of school refusal and truanting are a huge problem in other countries too.  Finding the right approach for dealing with it is crucial, because whatever the reason for missing school it takes a lot of fixing and is a symptom of something else that needs to be unpicked.  RESOURCES: The printable anxiety iceberg sheet: https://phecanada.ca/sites/default/files/content/docs/teach-resiliency/Iceberg.jpg How to make a self-soothe box: https://www.youngminds.org.uk/young-person/blog/how-to-make-a-self-soothe-box/ A really good blog that works through steps you can take: https://medium.com/@ArthurCWoods/help-my-teenager-wont-return-to-school-d770203fcbac Book: The Ultimate Guide to Working with your School: The School Avoidance Masterclass for Parents,” Jane Demsky Can’t Not Won’t - Eliza Fricker, helping and understanding children who are unable to go to school. https://naomi-fisher.mykajabi.com/notfineatschool RESEARCH AND LINKS TO HELP: www.schoolrefusal.co.uk Parenting Tips 26: How to help your teen with friendship skills. Parenting Tips 19: What if you don't like your teen's friends? Parenting Tips 17: The lying teenager. Parenting Tips 16: Boy friendships. Parenting Tips 14: Anxiety. Parenting Tips 12: Bullying. Parenting Tips 10: Girls navigating friendship groups. Parenting Tips 5: The academic struggler. https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/school-education/truancy-other-school-problems/truancy-9-15-years https://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/parents-a-z-mental-health-guide/school-anxiety-and-refusal/#:~:text=About%20the%20term%20'school%20refusal,other%20professionals%20using%20this%20term. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK534195/ https://publications.aap.org/pediatrics/article/143/2/e20183648/37326/The-Link-Between-School-Attendance-and-Good-Health?searchresult=1?autologincheck=redirected https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/when-your-adult-child-breaks-your-heart/201709/understanding-school-refusal#:~:text=School%20refusal%20is%20different%20from%20truancy&text=Children%20who%20are%20truant%20from,can%20happen%20at%20any%20age. https://impactparents.com/blog/adhd/child-really-doesnt-care-school/ <a rel="payment" href="https://www.b

S2 E33 · Fri, February 03, 2023

Masculine role models: Andrew Tate, misogyny, red pills, and the manosphere. 33

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We've been asked by a listener to discuss how we talk to our boys about influential online figures like Andrew Tate, who act both as an inspiration to achieve great things, and a lightning rod for disgruntled men who blame feminism for their ills and cheer on his particular form of aggressive misogyny.  If you have a son who spends time online  he's highly likely to have come across the concepts being bandied around - simply as a result of the algorithms used in social media. Whether the words red pill, matrix, and manosphere have any particular meaning for you, they are having an increasing impact on the environment our boys are growing up in. It's up to us as parents to help our boys unpack what they're hearing and sift the diamonds from the dirt.  My research into the topic has highlighted an urgent need to be talking with our sons about their dreams, and how we can support them in discovering role models who show what it is to be a successful man, without needing to humiliate and destroy other people.    Top tips: Avoid silencing your teen, even if you disagree with what they say. It's vital that they are given the chance to talk about what they're thinking so that you can have proper discussions about it. Telling them they are wrong won't help them think about the issues. Focus the discussion on what is really attractive to them about the messages they are hearing, and help them to differentiate between the positive and the dangerously negative. Unpick the words the boys use and be clear about anything that is sexist, racist, etc and why that's an issue. Remember, they are building their identity and they're allowed to make mistakes along the way.  Don't shame them. Arm yourself with real facts. If they tell you something that they've heard online help them to go to real sources, rather than simply listening to someone who has an agenda and wants to get lots of clicks. Don't just focus on Tate, he's only one of the people espousing this thinking. Great role models: Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/ Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDo Stephen Bartlett - Diary of a CEO (Business) His podcast has lots of successful men being interviewed. KSI, Beta Squad, Sidemen, Mr Beast, Chris MD.  Bear Grylls - Chief Scout and outdoor adventurer. Lebron James - Basketball Dwayne Johnson - former wrestler now actor - a top earning Insta celeb. Christiano Ronaldo - footballer, family man, top earning Insta celeb. Justin Baldoni - Actor  Chris Evans - Captain America actor Terry Crews - Former NFL and actor Jay Shetty - A

S2 E32 · Thu, January 26, 2023

Rules: Consequences, and the teen who doesn't seem to care. 32

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Having kids can seem like a non-stop obstacle/crash course in how you get another living being to do things, whether for their own good or our own sanity. Some of us are lucky enough to have grown up in a family structure which helps us figure out incentives and boundaries that work. Some equate love with giving them what they want, others are so exhausted it's more a matter of giving in. It can feel like we have it figured out, then the teenage years hit and everything changes again. The trick seems to be getting the right balance between love and discipline, but how do we know what that is? It’s very easy to overreact, and when that happens our relationship with our teen can suffer. The foundation we want to build on is a strong relationship in which they feel heard and understood. So what do the experts say about it? What works, and what about the teenager who doesn't seem to care? If you want more detail about how to mend your relationship so consequences will work, then you'll find my blog really helpful.  https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/whats-going-on-when-our-boundaries-and-consequences-dont-seem-to-work/ RESOURCES USED: https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/family/effective-vs-counterproductive-methods-of-teen-punishment/?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=PerformanceMax&utm_content=&network=x&placement=&target=&matchtype=&utm_campaign=16929735023&ad_type=responsive_pmax&adposition=&kwd_id=&gclid=Cj0KCQiAnsqdBhCGARIsAAyjYjQ7VuP6YXy_xN5VEyj-jTeNIwj1LDUhiSEaegaxw4NeK4zBWoI1GVMaArsTEALw_wcB Parenting style as a moderator of the effect of temperament on adolescent externalising and internalising behaviour problems: https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/educational-and-developmental-psychologist/article/abs/parenting-style-as-a-moderator-of-the-effect-of-temperament-on-adolescent-externalising-and-internalising-behaviour-problems/78AC30E10887EC321057BF1E1C8CA349 https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/why-dont-consequences-work-for-my-teen-heres-whyand-how-to-fix-it/ <

S2 E31 · Thu, January 19, 2023

Make habit changes that actually work. 31

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We've all done it; new year, new me. By January the 11th the lustre has rubbed off our shiny resolutions and we're back to our old habits.  The reality is that making resolutions and getting them to stick is harder than we'd like it to be. So how do we make changes in our parenting and our family in a way that will continue to work after the fireworks and fun? In this podcast: We talk about uncovering the intention behind the resolution.  How to unpack those big problems to find a smaller goal to guide you. How to use small habits in your day to make those big changes more easy. And how using positivity can keep us going. Some ideas: Ask your teen what key change they would like to see and don't react badly to the answer Find one on one time with each child Don't text and drive Create a tech contract Create a chores contract Yell less Listen more Sort out sleep routines End your work day Find space for you Don't judge out loud Let your teen cook once a week Don't judge people out loud Let your teen make their mistakes so they learn from them Demonstrate the behaviour you want to see Practice gratitude Build a parent tribe of others who're in a similar situation Make time for your partner Get outside more Sit down to family meals more often Find games or activities you can all enjoy together Resources: Small Move Big Change by Caroline Arnold. https://beenke.com/parenting/parenting-resolutions-you-can-actually-keep/ https://www.sheknows.com/parenting/articles/980167/new-years-resolutions-for-parents-of-teens/ https://www.rootsofaction.com/resolutions-that-can-change-your-teens-life/ https://hms.harvard.edu/news/uncontrollable-anger-prevalent-among-youth Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: <a href='https://m.face

S2 E30 · Thu, December 15, 2022

30: Christmas and other family gatherings with teens. Magic or misery?

Send us a text We all have traditional times when our extended families come together to celebrate, give thanks, and share the warmth of mutual love. In the UK, December is a non-stop reel of songs about 'Simply having a wonderful Christmas time', and Instagram is awash with pictures of happy celebrations.  Being with our family can give us a welcome chance to relax and be accepted for who we are but - let's be honest -  it can also bring out the worst in us. The break in routine - where everyone is forced together - can be a difficult adjustment. The expense can be crippling. Travelling to see family can be stressful, and then the raised expectations can set up the entire event for failure. We've all been there, so here are our tips on how to make the most of those gatherings when you have teenagers in the house. https://www.family-action.org.uk/our-voices/2021/11/12/connecting-with-teenagers-at-christmas/ https://www.bacp.co.uk/news/news-from-bacp/2021/16-december-coping-with-family-pressures-and-expectations-in-the-run-up-to-christmas/ https://www.bristol.ac.uk/news/2021/december/avoiding-stressful-christmas.html https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-living/wellbeing/a29321/how-to-deal-with-family-fallout-at-christmas/ https://www.stylist.co.uk/life/best-advice-family-christmas/605760 Support the show Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Rachel’s email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us: www.teenagersuntangled.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog: www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E29 · Mon, December 12, 2022

Step-children. Coping, and thriving, with a blended family. 29

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Having your own child can feel like an overwhelming responsibility at times, but when you become a step-parent it's even more complicated.  The child may feel resentful because they didn't ask for a new parent, their biological parents are likely to have issues with each other, and then there's our own needs in a new relationship.  Ultimately, step-parents can offer a really wonderful addition to the lives of our bonus children. How we go about it can make all the difference. Given that both of us are step-parents, it seemed like a great topic to discuss after Kathryn reached out to us to ask if we'd help with the situation in her home. In this episode we cover the critical importance of:  Bonding with the step-child.  Forming a stable and united front with your new partner.  Taking care not to take on the role of disciplining your bonus child but providing solid back-up for their biological parent.  Making sure that your own needs are understood and met.   RESOURCES: https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/   https://psychcentral.com/blog/6-ways-to-bond-with-your-stepchildren#1 https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/my-blended-family-wont-blend-part-ii-what-to-do-when-your-stepkids-disrespect-you/ https://www.care.com/c/bonding-with-stepchildren-7-tips-for-buildin/ https://www.moms.com/stepparents-advise-20-ways-to-bond-with-stepchildren/ https://www.parents.com/parenting/dynamics/how-to-discipline-child-step-parent/ BOOKS: Jenna Korf, Skirts At War: Beyond Divorced Mom/Stepmom Conflict .  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ F

S2 E28 · Wed, December 07, 2022

Parties for teens and tweens. Invitations, gatecrashers and alcohol. 28

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Parties can be life-enhancing, joyous, and a wonderful chance to meet new people, but when it's for a teenager it can have a touch of the wild west about it.  For parents who understand the risks it can feel easier to say no, but if we think through all of the issues - and discuss them with our teens - there's far less chance things will go horribly wrong. Our website has a free checklist of things to cover when planning your party.  RESOURCES USED: https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/teen-parties https://www.whosthemummy.co.uk/teenage-house-parties-survival-tips-for-parents/ Wellington College UK document 'Alcohol and Parties.' Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E27 · Mon, November 28, 2022

Christmas presents: is your teen ungrateful? 27

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Christmas is marketed as a time of magic and joy, but when it comes to your teenagers does it feel more like pressure - to deliver expensive gifts - and disappointment?  One of our regular listeners has asked us to research and discuss  how to deal better with their lack of gratitude when things don't live up to their expectations.  RESOURCES: https://ggsc.berkeley.edu/images/uploads/GGSC-JTF_White_Paper-Gratitude-FINAL.pdf https://www.parentingforbrain.com/how-to-deal-with-an-ungrateful-teenager/ https://yourteenmag.com/family-life/communication/holiday-disappointment/amp https://admin.bridesblush.com/trends/ungrateful-christmas-tb/ https://www.netmums.com/coffeehouse/being-mum-794/tweens-teens-61/1596349-ungrateful-teen-tween.html https://slate.com/human-interest/2012/12/ungrateful-teens-on-christmas-it-s-time-to-stop-the-generational-internet-shaming.html https://mamamanages.com/ungrateful-child-problem-solving/ https://www.blinkist.com/en/shortcasts/the-happiness-lab/309 https://www.blinkist.com/en/app/books/leading-with-gratitude-en Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagers

S2 E26 · Fri, November 11, 2022

Friendships: How to support your ‘generation isolation’ teens to build their social skills. 26

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Our teens have been dubbed Generation Isolation by the UK charity OnSide. It follows a poll which showed that 77% of young people spend most of their free time at home and 73%  spend most of their free time on screens. The charity says that while online communication is important and has some benefits, its dominance means young people are missing out on the face-to-face interactions that build social skills, confidence, self-esteem, resilience and empathy.    Whilst it's normal for teens to spend a lot of time alone in their rooms there seems to have been a general change in the amount of physical time that teens are spending socialising. We'll talk another time about parties, and managing them, but this time we discuss those all-important social skills and what we, as parents, can do to hep our teens develop them. RESOURCES: https://parents.au.reachout.com/skills-to-build/wellbeing/things-to-try-friendships https://news.virginia.edu/content/peers-or-parents-study-shows-strong-friendships-set-teens-success-later-life BOOKS: How to Win Friends and Influence People for Girls, by Donna Dale Carnegie. How to Win Friends and Influence People in the Digital Age, Dale Carnegie Training. The Social Survival Guide for Teens on the Autism Spectrum: How to Make Friends and Navigate Your Emotions by Lindsey Sterling Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E25 · Wed, November 09, 2022

Entitled teens: How do I stop my teenager from being entitled? 25

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? 'Today's teenagers are far more hopeless than anything humanity has ever produced before,' according to Jeremy Clarkson, former presenter of Top Gear. He's talking about generation Z, which is the label for those born between 1997 and 2012 and the first to grow up entirely connected to the internet. His claim is that 'the offensive word today's entitled teens have never heard is 'no'. ' There are many articles about entitled teens, yet there are statistics that show they drink less, have fewer teenage pregnancies, and are more concerned about job prospects than previous generations. So what is an entitled teen, is it all bad, and how do we make sure that we're not raising one? RESOURCES:  https://www.forbes.com/sites/charlestowersclark/2022/06/27/generation-y-and-zempowered-or-entitled/?sh=6d552cf67715 https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/jeremy-clarkson-the-offensive-word-todays-entitled-teens-have-never-heard-no-j95kzjxhw https://spsp.org/news-center/character-context-blog/entitled-people-what-expect-and-how-deal-them#:~:text=The%20sources%20of%20entitlement%20are,feel%20that%20they%20are%20special. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0140197110000783 https://www.betterhelp.com/advice/personality-disorders/the-psychology-behind-sense-of-entitlement/ https://www.today.com/parents/avoid-raising-entitled-child-5-strategies-really-work-t44576 Amy McCready positiveparentingsolutions Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E24 · Fri, October 14, 2022

Why identity is such an issue for teenagers. Also, stinky teens and what we can do about it. 24

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We've all heard about the phenomenon of a midlife crisis, but it's the teenage years when we first really become aware of our identity. For some, the sense of who we are beneath the roles we play is never a big issue. For others, the shift in perception can result in all sorts of problems. Battles at home if they're boxed into an identity they feel they don't fit, or difficulties at school where trying to fit into a social group can mean losing track of who they really are. Helping our teens to navigate the issue can be made harder by our own struggles with the concept of identity and fears of losing the child we love. We try to unpack some of the issues. For supporting material see Rachel's blog on our website: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/flirting-with-your-self/ Also, any teacher of junior school kids will tell you that one of the key ways they distinguish each other's clothing is by the smell. Yes, it really is a thing. When they hit the teen years, sniffing a garment can result in an unpleasant shock. Some teens respond to their new, distinct odours, by washing diligently. Others seem oblivious, joyously marinading in their own unique perfume. We talk about the issue of smelly teens, and how to deal with a girl who rarely showers.  RESOURCES: Identity https://www.choosingtherapy.com/identity-crisis/ https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/who-am-i-identity-crisis.htm https://aspiroadventure.com/blog/why-is-teen-identity-development-important/#:~:text=Identity%20formation%20in%20teens%20is,most%20of%20their%20adult%20life. The 8 stages of development Eric Ericson: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYCBdZLCDBQ&t=28s Smelly teens https://www.verywellhealth.com/why-teens-wont-take-a-shower-4089615#:~:text=Poor%20hygiene%20can%20lead%20to,or%20bullied%20for%20looking%20unkempt. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/poor-hygiene-in-children-my-kid-stinks-help/#:~:text=Focus%20on%20What%20You%20Can,want%20to%20be%20around%20them. Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: <a href='ht

S2 E23 · Sun, October 02, 2022

How to cope with an empty nest. Also do manners matter? 23

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Just under half a million teenagers will start university this autumn in the UK alone. Whilst it might be an exciting time for the teenager, the family left behind can be left reeling with a sense of grief and loss.  We talk about what you might be feeling and how best to deal with it.   Also, Alex has asked us to take a look at what we should be saying to our teens about manners. We talk about what they are and what they say about you as a person.     RESEARCH SOURCES:   EMPTY NEST: https://www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting/a11692/empty-nest-syndrome/#:~:text=Don't%20make%20them%20feel,OK%20and%20coping%20without%20them. https://www.theguardian.com/education/2013/sep/18/parents-coping-when-children-leave-home https://psychcentral.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2020/09/04/a-majority-of-young-adults-in-the-u-s-live-with-their-parents-for-the-first-time-since-the-great-depression/   MANNERS: https://gt20.org/life-resources/etiquette-manners/rules-of-etiquette/ https://www.wisebread.com/12-lessons-in-manners-from-around-the-world https://mannersadvisor.com/whats-the-difference-between-etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.verywellfamily.com/manners-your-teen-should-use-and-how-to-teach-them-2608864 https://harappa.education/harappa-diaries/etiquette-and-manners/ https://www.familyeducation.com/life/manners/how-rude-age-age-guide-teaching-kids-manners Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S2 E22 · Thu, September 22, 2022

Girls clothing choices, also talking with your teen about a change in your finances. 22

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Can you imagine a TV presenter wearing the same blue suit on-screen for 12 months and nobody noticing, or commenting?  Well in Australia, Karl Stefanovic did exactly this to make a point about the different standards men and women are held to.  He says whilst his female colleagues were often messaged about what they were wearing, in his case nobody even mentioned his clothing. All the messages were about how he did his job. This is the difficult world our teenage girls have to navigate. So they soon realise that what they wear has immense power, but also marks them out and exposes them to criticism. It's a tricky path to tread even for an adult woman. Given that our teen girls are growing up in a world in which many of their icons dress in a very provocative manner, the question of how we talk to our own daughters about the clothes they chose has never been more important. So how do we tread the line between making sure that they feel confident about themselves, without triggering our own fears and prejudices? Also, a housing crisis in Sarah's area has meant their family have had to downsize their home. She's concerned about how she should talk with her teenagers about the situation. We look at how she can handle it in a way that stops the situation from having more of an impact than it needs to. RESOURCES USED: Girls clothing https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/teen-talk/why-you-should-let-your-teen-wear-what-they-want/ https://bellamag.co/dress-code-conversation-teen/ https://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/what-youre-wearing-too-revealing.html https://www.choosingtherapy.com/how-to-talk-to-your-daughter-about-clothes/ Change of circumstance https://hbr.org/2016/09/how-to-get-better-at-dealing-with-change https://thebounceblog.com/articles/bouncing-back-from-financial-grief-and-loss/ https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/aug/03/sacrifice-your-civility-and-make-a-start-how-to-talk-to-teenagers-about-money https://adc.bmj.com/content/101/10/917 Family income and young adolescents’ perceived social position: associations with self-esteem and life satisfaction in the UK Millennium Cohort Study  https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/coping-with-the-drought/talking-to-a-teenager-about-money-issues Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your messa

S2 E21 · Fri, September 09, 2022

Disagreements over parenting styles, and future careers. 21

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? In all honesty, very few of us thought about our partner's possible parenting style when we began dating them. I know that I didn't. It's mostly romance and blind hope at that stage. By the time the subject really comes into focus we're already in the thick of parenting. Louise has asked us to talk about this, and we loved the topic because so many of us lack the skills to successfully navigate a happy path with a partner who sees things differently. We talk about why consensus is so important in parenting, but also when disagreement can actually benefit your teenager. Finally, we give some top tips on how to go about finding a path to agreement that works for everyone. Also, as the world shifts in the direction of a knowledge economy - and increasing automation of jobs - our need for new skills has made a college education seem vital. But is that the right path for our teens? Gaelle asked to discuss how we talk to our teens about their future careers in a way that supports them. BOOKS MENTIONED: Thinking Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman WEBSITE LINKS: *https://www.positiveparentingsolutions.com/discipline/parents-disagree-on-discipline http://teentherapycentersv.org/2015/03/24/consistency-the-toughest-and-most-important-part-of-parenting-2/ https://childmind.org/article/conflicts-over-parenting-styles/ BOOKS MENTIONED: Thank You for Being Late: An Optimist's Guide to Thriving in the Age of Accelerations by Thomas Friedman WEBSITE LINKS: https://parents.au.reachout.com/common-concerns/everyday-issues/things-to-try-exam-stress/what-to-do-if-your-teen-is-stressed-about-the-future https://www.allthingscareers.co.uk/blog/how-to-talk-to-your-teen-about-careers-without-causing-tension https://www.talkspace.com/blog/teen-pressure-school-career/ https://magazine.lifology.com/career/career-anxieties-among-teenagers/ https://www.joyfulmindmentor.com/blog/stressed-teens-and-career-development <a href='https://www.inquirer.com/opinion/commentary/teenage-anxiety-stress-c

S1 E20 · Sat, August 27, 2022

Drugs: How to talk to my teenager, and divorce and kids staying over. 20

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Drugs are everywhere; whether they are being peddled by pharmaceutical companies to fix medical problems, used as performance enhancers, or just for kicks, there's a really high chance that our teens will be offered them by someone. The big question is how can we talk to our teens about them in a way that discourages dangerous habits or situations whilst letting them know that they can come to us for help and advice about what they're seeing and doing? We discuss what drugs are, how to think through the subject as a parent, and how to talk with your teens to keep them safe. Top tips from Sharon Levy MD: 1: Make your values and rules very clear, don’t be vague. 2: Ask and listen, but  resist the urge to lecture. 3: If your teen has used substances explore the reasons. 4: Intervene earlier rather than later. It’s hard to spot when it’s becoming a real problem. 5: Be mindful of any history of substance abuse in the family. It increases the risk. To show your teen: https://www.kctv5.com/video/2022/09/21/mom-talks-about-son-fentanyl-overdose/ Also, divorce can be incredibly painful but one of the big problems parents can hit in the teen years is the teenager who decides they don't want to see the other parent. We talk about why this happens and how you can support your teen through it. Resources: Starting with our favourites Website for finding out about drugs being used by teens, and their possible side-effects: https://www.talktofrank.com/ https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/teens-and-drugs-5-tips-for-talking-with-your-kids-201808161456 https://childmind.org/article/mental-health-disorders-and-substance-use/?utm_medium=email&utm_source=newsletter&utm_campaign=pub_ed_nl_2022-07-26&utm_content=mental-health-disorders-and-substance-use https://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol/drugs-what-are-the-signs?referer=/advice/teenagers/drugs-alcohol https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/addiction/news/20220726/potent-weed-marijuana-addiction-study https://www.cdc.gov/healthyyouth/substance-use/index.htm https://www.hazeldenbettyford.org/articles/warning-signs-teen-substance-use https://www.unodc.org/unodc/press/releases/2021/June/unodc-world-drug-report-2021_-pandemic-effects-ramp-up-drug-risks--as-youth-underestimate-cannabis-dangers.html https://eu.indystar.com/story/news/health/2019/07/23/telltale-signs-drug-use-can-found-teens-bedroom/1779092001/ https://www.nature.com/articles/npp201467 <a rel="payment" hre

S1 E19 · Mon, July 25, 2022

Mom guilt and when you don’t like your teenager's friends. 19

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? As a parent, have you ever felt overwhelmed by the sheer size of your job and the range of the responsibilities it involves? Do you ever feel like you've done enough, or are you always suffering with the nagging feeling that you are falling short and it's your fault that things aren't perfect? Well Clare certainly has, so she asked us to talk about Mom guilt. What we discovered has blown our minds.  Also, have you ever had that horrible feeling that your teenager is getting too friendly with the wrong kind of people? What do you do if you don't like their new friends? We researched what the experts say about it and talk about things that you can consider before wading in.  References:  Helena Morrissey, Good Time to be a Girl https://www.todaysparent.com/family/parenting/why-mom-guilt-is-the-biggest-lie-of-all/ https://www.choosingtherapy.com/mom-guilt/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-teen-doctor/201605/10-tips-when-you-dont-your-teens-friends https://grownandflown.com/what-not-say-dont-like-teens-friends/ https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/does-your-child-have-toxic-friends-6-ways-to-deal-with-the-wrong-crowd/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S1 E18 · Wed, July 06, 2022

Lying teenagers, and sibling comparisons. 18

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Have you ever caught your teenager lying to you?  Let's face it, lying is part of everyday life. In fact an entire film was made on the premise of a lawyer incapable of telling a lie for 24 hours. The result is comedy, but we all know that it can be serious.  Our challenge is teaching kids to be truthful to us when it matters, and to be able to tell the difference between the sorts of lies that oil relationships in a healthy way and the ones that will ultimately end up destroying trust. We discuss the types of lying, the reasons why our teenagers are doing it, and how to tackle the situation when they're caught out.  Also, have you been keeping track of the age at which you give each of your teens specific freedoms? When could they get their ears pierced, when did they get their devices, and when were they allowed out to parties? Have you kept careful notes, or did you just wing it? It can cause real friction between siblings so we share our own stories. RESOURCES: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/thinking-about-kids/201703/why-do-teens-lie-part-1 https://www.researchgate.net/publication/280064789_From_junior_to_senior_Pinocchio_A_cross-sectional_lifespan_investigation_of_deception https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/restoring-families/why-do-teenagers-lie/ https://www.jstor.org/stable/353854?seq=1#page_scan_tab_contents"Other Teens Drink, but Not My Kid": Does Parental Awareness of Adolescent Alcohol Use Protect Adolescents from Risky Consequences? https://www.parenting-hub.com/parenting/teen/consequences-for-teenagers-lying/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S1 E17 · Thu, June 23, 2022

Favourite parent; and teenagers trying to ‘express’ themselves? Blue hair? Tattoos anyone? 17

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Do you have a teen at home who's all sweet and loving with one parent, but treats the other like they're a bad smell? Karen says she feels like running away because she's walking on eggshells in her own house, with a daughter who is rude to her but sweet and kind to her husband. Why do they do it and how can we, as both a parent and partner, make things better for everyone?   Also, it's been around since the Ancients: Personal expression using hair dyes, make-up, nail varnish, piercing and tattoos is something teenagers gravitate towards, and some parents struggle with.  How should we respond to any requests or demands, and what restrictions should we be putting in place? RESOURCES: Favoured parent: https://www.parents.com/parenting/better-parenting/teenagers/you-might-not-be-your-teens-preferred-parent-right-now-but-that-doesnt-mean-they-love-you-less/ https://imperfectfamilies.com/child-prefers-one-parent/ https://www.metroparent.com/parenting/advice/kid-prefers-parent/ https://theweek.com/articles/915007/why-kids-have-favorite-parent Teenage Expression: https://gracieopulanza.com/psychology-of-teenagers-the-tattoo-and-piercing-generation/ https://yourteenmag.com/health/physical-health/tattoos-for-teens https://www2.ljworld.com/news/2015/mar/24/double-take-teen-tattoos-are-lasting-expression-wo/ https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/behaviour/peers-friends-trends/tattoos-piercings#talking-with-your-child-about-tattoos-and-body-piercings-nav-title https://teamstage.io/tattoos-in-the-workplace-statistics/ https://www.elle.fr/Societe/News/L-epilation-nouvelle-source-de-conflit-mere-fille-Temoignages-4028381 https://lorenaoberg.co.uk/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. <b

S1 E16 · Thu, June 16, 2022

Boy friendships. Also what the %#*!😳 we should do about swearing? 16

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? When we covered the issues of friendship groups, with girls in mind, we had a massive reaction from parents who have been struggling to understand what's going on. Now it's the turn of boys. When friendships work, they are extremely beneficial, but what causes boys to struggle with their mates, and how can we help them? Also, how do you deal with swearing in your family? Is it absolutely forbidden, does it matter who's doing it and when, or are you all a bit potty-mouthed? We look at the science and the social side of swearing. References: Teenage Boys https://www.healthyplace.com/parenting/the-parent-coach/how-to-help-your-son-deal-with-mean-boys https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/2018/11/08/mean-behavior-isnt-just-girls-heres-how-help-your-son-manage-toxic-relationships/ https://www.parentsleague.org/blog/listening-project-fostering-connection-boys%E2%80%99-schools https://www.menshealth.com/uk/mental-strength/a32002443/the-importance-of-staying-connected/ https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/jora.12047 https://www.amazon.co.uk/Deep-Secrets-Friendships-Crisis-Connection/dp/0674072421 Watch/listen with your teen: https://therepproject.org/films/the-mask-you-live-in/ https://www.ted.com/talks/chimamanda_ngozi_adichie_the_danger_of_a_single_story?language=en The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett Podcast The 2022 film Close: https://www.festival-cannes.com/en/festival/films/close References: Swearing https://www.verywellfamily.com/managing-disrespectful-teens-3974887 https://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-39082467.amp https://www.discovermagazine.com/health/worried-about-your-foul-mouth-swearing-could-actually-be-good-for-you https://www.degruyter.com/document/doi/10.1515/text-2020-0051/html Text & Talk: An Interdisciplinary Journal of Language , Discourse & Communication Studies . Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has

S1 E15 · Mon, June 06, 2022

Self-harm: What can I do if my teen is self-harming? Also, what's your talking style? 15

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The rate of self-harm among young children in the UK has doubled over the last six years according to recent research compiled by the British Broadcasting Corporation. Keith Hawton, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Oxford, told File on 4 the data on self-harm was “in keeping with what we’re finding from our research databases. It’s almost as though the problem is spreading down the age range.  One analysis of self-injury behaviour across more than 40 countries found that the average age of the first incident of self-harm is 13 and adolescents have the highest rate of self-injury behaviour.  Given the increasing risk that your teen, or one of their friends, will be impacted by self-harm we decided to delve into what it is and how we can better help our adolescents.  One mum says that her 12 year old teen began self-harming due to bullying. She takes her to the swings whenever she needs to soothe herself, and says it makes all the difference. Such a great idea!  Resources: https://www.priorygroup.com/media-centre/ten-ways-a-parent-can-help-a-child-avoid-self-harming https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201803/6-tips-reduce-self-harm-in-children https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/for-friends-and-family/ https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/10-ways-people-self-harm-self-injure https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html   https://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/self-injury/why-pro-self-injury-pro-self-harm-websites-are-dangerous https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/self-harm/self-harm-statistics/ HELPLINES: In the UK Samaritans, 116 123 In the US National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255 In Australia the crisis support service Lifeline is 13 11 14 www.befrienders.org Selfharm.co.uk Called Alumina is a free online 7 week course for young people struggling with self-harm Each course has up to 8 people, all at home. You don’t need an adult to sign you up. UK. free online self-harm support for 14-19 year olds. LifeSIGNS.org.uk information to support people who are ready to find new ways to cope.  Selfinjurysupport.co.uk offers information and support to women and girls affected.  Youngminds.org.uk  Zest,

S1 E14 · Fri, May 20, 2022

What No One Tells You About Teens and Anxiety. 14

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? The anxiety epidemic: In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.   Suggested books: ·        The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry ·       Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz. The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/ Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer   Mindfulness is a key tool: 'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.' 'If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.' ·       The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings?  ·       Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you? ·       What is the result of those behaviours?' When you get into an anxiety loop use: RAIN: Recognise difficult feelings. Accept them and allow them to be there. Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up. Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity. Resources: https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139f https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbx https://childmind.org/article/signs-of-anxiety-in-teenagers/ RULES FROM: https://www.verywellfamily.com/establishing-house-rules-for-teenagers-1094873 R

S1 E13 · Mon, May 09, 2022

Pornography:What you need to know before having THAT talk. 13

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT. Pornography is probably as old as art itself.  Whether you indulge, or wouldn't go near it, there has never been a time when it is more graphic, or readily available to children and teens, with the knock-on impact on their own attitudes towards sex and relationships. Just for context, an unbelievable 42 billion individual visitors accessed Pornhub in 2019, averaging more than 115 million visits per day, and that was before Covid-19. That's why it's critical that we all find a way to have conversations with our teens about what they might access, whether deliberately or by accident, and how to put it into context in a way that will protect them from the harm it can cause. In this episode we looked into the statistics, the science, and the reality of how we talk to our teens and what we need cover. How to talk about it: Www.culturereframed.org https://fightthenewdrug.org/lets-talk-about-porn/ https://protectyoungeyes.com/10-before-10-time-to-make-porn-a-normal-talk/ Resources used: Boys and Sex - Peggy Orenstein https://parents.culturereframed.org/ https://www.iflscience.com/health-and-medicine/watching-pornography-rewires-the-brain-to-a-more-juvenile-state/?fbclid=IwAR1_G3WTO_CkM5FYwONmKd5VN6Pja7UYwFzBPiB6oxEEjhWz6V9kNYBOZCM https://www.covenanteyes.com/2014/02/03/brain-chemicals-and-porn-addiction/ https://childmind.org/article/how-to-talk-to-teenagers-about-porn/ Instagram account talking about consent and other issues around sex. @lalalaletmeexplain  Some of the resources mentioned in our 'Spending time with your teens' section: Outdoors: AllTrails app https://www.geocaching.com/play - which is like treasure hunt Popular games with our teens: Catan Know The Great Game of Britain Monopoly Risk Poker Quick, but compulsive games:  Monopoly Deal Perudo Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click

S1 E12 · Tue, April 26, 2022

Bullying, and the best way to tackle it. Also, dealing with teenage backchat. 12

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? A definition of bullying:  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3918673/ Negative physical, verbal, or relational actions that (a) have hostile intent, (b) cause distress to the victim, (c) are repeated and (d) involve a power imbalance between perpetrators and victims. What researchers have learned about it: There is no single profile of a young person involved in bullying. Youth who bully can be either well connected socially or marginalized, and may be bullied by others as well. Similarly, those who are bullied sometimes bully others. Solutions to bullying are not simple . Bullying prevention approaches that show the most promise confront the problem from many angles. They involve the entire school community—students, families, administrators, teachers, and staff in creating a culture of respect. Zero tolerance and expulsion are not effective approaches. Bystanders, or those who see bullying, can make a huge difference when they intervene on behalf of someone being bullied. Studies have shown that adults can help prevent bullying by talking to children about bullying, encouraging them to do what they love, modelling kindness and respect, and seeking help. WHAT PARENTS CAN DO:     Ask questions of everyone, write everything down and become the most pleasant nuisance you can be until it is resolved. Beforehand: Parents create trust with children by initiating open, honest discussions. Communicate values and learn about your child’s experience. Make it easier for your children to turn to you if they witness or experience bullying. A bully's preferred method of intimidation is to keep his victim isolated. A parent's best strategy for countering bullying is to reach out to as many people as necessary to make sure that the bullying comes to an end. IF YOU THINK YOUR TEEN MIGHT HAVE BEEN BULLIED: Start the conversation in a general way because it’s humiliating to admit. IF THEY AREN’T SURE IT WAS BULLYING: Ask open-ended questions to get more information about what happened, so you can help them identify bullying. IF YOUR CHILD WAS THE BULLY:   Stay calm. Be open and listen. Ask questions. The goal is to help them learn from this and work through the reasons they did it so you can help them find other, healthy ways to deal with their feelings or situations that come up. You will also need to work with the school or parents to deal with it.  BULLYING https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/teens </

Trailer · Mon, March 28, 2022

Why Teenagers Untangled was created, and how you can use it.

S1 E11 · Mon, March 28, 2022

Lone parenting and Understanding Teen Mood Swings. 11

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Lone parenting: One of Susie’s superpowers has been raising three kids alone, so this time we look at some of the issues of lone parents, and some top tips for managing well. We talk about positive modelling of the opposite sex, the stresses on teenagers and how to support them, and how to use mindfulness to find your way through the stresses of doing it alone.  Links to resources I dipped into are below. We’d love to hear if there are any specific issues you’d like tackled. Moody teenagers: Simon’s son’s moods are bringing down the whole family. He asked us what he can do about it and how to know when it’s something more serious than just being a typical teenager. We talk about the science behind what’s happening, the way in which it can trigger our fears as a parent, and what to do to coach a teen through moody phases so that it doesn’t impact the entire family. We also give the top things to consider when wondering whether it’s something more serious that needs professional help.     Resources used for single parenting: http://www.ymresourcer.com/model/brhome.htm https://www.outbacktreatment.com/effects-divorce-teen/   Resources used for dealing with moody teenagers: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/why-are-teenagers-so-moody-a6874856.html https://www.quickanddirtytips.com/parenting/tweens-teens/moody-teenager Dan Siegel The Adolescent Brain https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/gut-feelings-how-food-affects-your-mood-2018120715548 https://healthcare.utah.edu/the-scope/shows.php?shows=1_1jyrruao Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.faceboo

S1 E10 · Wed, March 16, 2022

Friendship: Girls and toxic groups, also resilience: how to get your teen to keep going instead of giving up at the first hurdle. 10

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? If you know the film Mean Girls you're no stranger to the concept that teen friendship groups can be fraught with problems. Whilst the film illustrates an extreme version of the issue any parent of girls will be familiar with the angst they can cause. With the help of the book Queen Bees and Wannabes by Rosalind Wiseman , Susie and I look at how you can coach your daughter positively through this tumultuous time. Below are top tips I gleaned from the book: Wiseman breaks down the structure of these groups into roles. The Queen Bee - the one who sets the tone for the group, and holds control. The Sidekick - the one who backs up the Queen Bee. The Banker - The one who collects information on members and uses it like a currency. The Messenger - The one who passes on information to try and make peace between girls. The Pleaser/Wannabe - The one who tries to please the others regardless of what she loses in the process. The Torn Bystander - The one who sees what's happening but feels powerless to say anything. The Target - The one who is undermined to consolidate power. The Champion - The one who manages to have friends in different groups. Power is wielded through teasing and gossip. An excellent video to watch with your teen: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zx11-9RU2U The job of the parent is to help your daughter recognise what's happening and help her to strategise. How to do this: S: Stop and strategise. E: Explain to 'mean girl' what it was that she doesn't like about the way she has been treated. A: Affirm her right to exist without being humiliated. L: Lock in/Lock out of the relationship. Bill of Rights: ·       What does she want and need in a friendship? Trust, reliability.. ·       What are her rights in a friendship? To be treated respectfully, with kindness and honesty. ·       What are her responsibilities? To treat her friends ethically. ·       What would a friend have to do or be like for her to end the friendship? ·       What are her friend’s rights and responsibilities? To listen, even when it’s not easy to hear. See www.culturesofdignity.com for more information. HOW TO GET YOUR TEEN TO KEEP GOING PAST THE FIRST HURDLE: Research by Seligman, Peterson and Duckworth. shows that the most successful people have seven key character traits. ·       Zest ·       Grit ·       Self-control ·       Hope-optimism ·       Curiosity ·       Gratitude ·       Social intelligence GRIT: something we develop,  mostly through encounterin

S1 E9 · Sat, March 05, 2022

Screens and teens and healthy eating. 9

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? More than half of UK parents in one study were concerned that excessive screen time while schools were closed could cause addiction later down the line, so if you feel the boundaries have shifted you're not alone.   Don't panic: Common Sense Media and the WHO (when adding gaming disorder to their list of diseases ) say it's not how many hours are spent on screens, it's what your teen is using screens for and the impact it has on how they feel and the other areas of their life. Rachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/ Key Resources: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/being-your-selfie/202105/teens-and-technology-guide-digital-detoxing https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ https://www.commonsensemedia.org/articles/screen-time-in-the-age-of-the-coronavirus   https://socialmediavictims.org/effects-of-social-media/ Lawsuits against Meta (Facebook and Instagram) for the harm they cause users - https://socialmediavictims.org/meta-lawsuits   HEALTHY EATING: Our knowledge and understanding around eating disorders is far more developed than it ever was in the past. Most of us know that developing a disorder can be harrowing and life-threatening, and needs professional intervention. As a result, many of us are fearful of saying anything for fear of triggering a disorder. Prevention begins with open communication - start early: ·        Regularly discuss media messages that convey the idea only a certain body type is acceptable, and encourage your teen to question what they're seeing.. ·        Be kind  to yourself about your own body. ·        Teach your teen to tune into how their diet affects how they feel, and their energy levels. ·        Encourage your teen to eat mindfully , and only when they're hungry. ·        Eat together as a family ·        Listen to our podcast on promoting a  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the botto

S1 E8 · Thu, February 24, 2022

Sibling rivalry and how to deal with it as a parent. Also, the vaping teenager. 8

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Is conflict never-ending in your home, or are your teenagers benefitting from having a sibling? We talk about our own experiences - memories of driving our own siblings up the wall - and the research we've read that will help you to make the situation positive. One thing to note is that if you have an only child don't panic. There are some enormous benefits of not having a sibling; it's just different.  Top tips from Positive Parenting Solutions for reducing the conflict between the siblings in your home: Don't label your children, or compare them . Don't make them the pretty one or the clever one or the sporty one. It's very limiting and is bound to create conflict.  Arrange for attention . Make sure they each feel they are being noticed, and that their needs are being met. Those needs will differ between children. Prepare for peace and set grounds for acceptable behaviour . Teach them the language they should be using to communicate properly, be clear about what is expected from them in your home, and arrange ways in which conflicts can be resolved without fighting. Stay out of the conflict . Don't always step in to resolve it. They may be fighting just to get your attention. Each time you feed that behaviour by getting involved you run the risk of making things worse. Teenagers need to be developing the skills to fix problems themselves, so give them time to work it out.  Calm the conflict if you do get involved listen to both sides, getting them to talk in terms of 'I feel'. Don't apportion blame, get them to discuss ways in which they can stop the situation escalating again.  Put them all in the same boat. Make the consequences of their behaviour the same for everyone involved. If they end up fighting they both end up suffering. If they behave themselves, they both benefit.  Listener's question: We discuss the case of a thirteen year old girl who is doing very well at school, but misbehaving at home, vaping and swearing. What's going on? Could her parents approach the situation differently? How should we handle vaping? For vaping, watch Big Vape with them. It’s on Netflix in the Broken Series. Resources referenced in the podcast: Sibling rivalry: Siblings Without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish The Sibling Connection by Jane Mersky Leder Calypso by David Sedaris https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/articles/199301/adult-sibling-rivalryJudy Dunn, professor of human development at Penn State University. Deborah Gold, Ph.D., senior fellow at the Center for Aging and Human Development at Duke University  www.positiveparentingsolutions.

S1 E7 · Sun, February 13, 2022

Did Covid really have that much of an impact on our teens? and the teenage sleep conundrum. 7

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Covid has given everyone a real bashing. For teenagers, one upside is that we now talk more about mental health, but at the same time our teens have been stuck in their rooms on digital devices. The number using social media for four hours or more has increased dramatically. Seeing people who aren't in lockdown having fun or looking glamorous just at the time when they want to be branching out is very difficult for teens.     A recent analysis for the BBC says there’s been a 77% rise in severe mental health cases in under 18’s and that head teachers are also reporting a huge rise in less severe mental health issues. In a recent survey of over 200 of Place2Be’s frontline mental health professionals the common themes that young people have been raising are ·        Loneliness & isolation (55%)  ·        Academic worries (48%)  ·        Juggling schoolwork (45%)  ·        Loss of rituals like end of year activities or exams (43%)  ·        Family relationship difficulties (42%) A very touching, emotional BBC documentary that helps to see the world through the eyes of school kids and teachers: https://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p0g8c10s/helping-our-teens-series-1-episode-1 WHAT CAN YOU DO?   Tips – www.place2be ·        Remind your child about everything they want to achieve and encourage them to look ahead. ·        Remind them of how valued they are. ·        Acknowledge how hard it has been not seeing their loved ones and friends. Help them find ways to do that. ·        Respond calmly and in a resilient way and your child will take their cue from you. ·        Encourage them to try new things in something they enjoy. ·        Check in with your teen. It's really important to find time to connect with them AND to encourage them to talk about their feelings.   SLEEP AND TEENAGERS: Tips – The Sleep Foundation: get them to review their sleep patterns: ·       Budgeting eight hours of sleep into your daily schedule and keeping that same schedule on both weekdays and weekends. ·       Creating a consistent pre-bed routine to help with relaxation and falling asleep fast. ·       Avoiding caffeine and energy drinks, especially in the afternoon and evening. ·       Putting away electronic devices for at least a half-hour before bed and keeping them on silent mode to avoid checking them during the night. ·       Check the mattress and pillow are good for the teenager.  ·       Keeping your bedroom cool, dark, and quiet.   SOURCES : Julie Hubbard , professor of psychological and brain sciences at the University of Delaware World Economic Forum Students now

S1 E6 · Sat, February 05, 2022

Body image and getting teens to do chores. 6

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? A healthy body image: Feeling happy and satisfied with your body and what it can do.  An unhealthy body image: Highly self-critical, comparing their body to others and obsessing about some aspect of it.  Beauty and body image are universal triggers for shame. Shame is a deeply painful sensation from the belief that we’re not good enough and will not be accepted by a group. Influences: Family environment, Ability/disability Attitudes of peers Social media Cultural background   Only 5% of American women have the body type that advertising depicts as ideal. People magazine poll found that 80% of women respondents felt insecure when they viewed images of women in TV and films. There’s an entire industry fueling our negative feelings regarding body image. How to prevent body image issues as a parent: Psychologists Jean Baker Miller and Irene Stiver 1997 study said that what gives us self-esteem (the opposite of shame) isn’t a terrific outfit or success, it’s forming and maintaining relationships which makes people feel sure of their value.  Talk to your teenager about images in social media. Help them to see how fake they are and how digital manipulation is rife, also how everyone doesn’t look like that.  Praise your teenager for what they can do, not what they look like.  Sharing the knowledge that shame is a normal experience helps the teenager feel that they aren’t alone.  Be kind to yourself. Expecting perfection from ourselves makes us expect it from others.  Be proud of things about yourself that aren’t about your appearance. Avoid negative talk about your diet/crash diets. As a parent, be proud of what your body can do. What to look out for: The teenager belongs to a group that insists on a certain body type. Perfectionism. Continually comparing their body to someone else. Not wanting to leave the house, or try new things, because of the way they look. Obsessing about weight, or a part of their body. Spending a lot of time looking in the mirror for imperfections. Linking food with feelings of guilt or shame. Strange eating habits. What to do Talk with your child about what you’ve noticed. Don’t dismiss it. There are some excellent self-help books.  Seek professional help early.  Resources: https://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/healthy-lifestyle/body-image/body-image-teens The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor  I Thought it was just me by Brené Brown Chores:  Household duties develop a sense of purpo

S1 E5 · Sat, January 29, 2022

Motivation: How to motivate your teenager when they’re not enjoying school, and what to do when your teenager wants to quit their instrument. 5

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? We'd all love our children to breeze through school, enjoying a satisfying academic life, having lots of friends, and coming out at the end feeling a success. But what if you have a child that doesn't thrive in an academic environment? What if they can't or won't do the work? How do you deal with it and what techniques can you use to motivate them? And our listener’s question comes from Emma: '‘My fourteen year old is very musical, but wants to stop playing the piano now she’s grade four. I’m so upset about it, because whenever she seems to be good at something she goes so far then just gives up and wants to hang out with her friends. What should I do?" TED Talks : Sir Ken Robinson Do schools kill creativity? https://www.ted.com/talks/sir_ken_robinson_do_schools_kill_creativity?language=en Books referenced: The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson The Gift of Failure by Jessica Lahey Thrivers by Michele Borba Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S1 E4 · Fri, January 21, 2022

Mobile phone photos/sexting, and money management using an allowance. 4

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Our teens are growing up in a world of TikTok, You Tube and Instagram, places full of barely dressed people talking freely about body positivity and sex. It’s hardly surprising that they might have a different view of what’s acceptable from that of their parents. In the UK, sex is legal at age 16, but any sexual images of a person under 18 are deemed child pornography, even when the person sending them is the creator.  Research compiled in the UK for Cultureframed.org:  1 in 7 under 18’s sends sext messages; 1 in 4 receives them. 1 in 8 who received a message has sent it to others without the sender’s consent.  Internet Watch Foundation , confirmed 68k cases of self-generated imagery that needed to be removed in 2020 – up 77% on the previous year. In 80% of these cases, the victims were 11 to 13-year-old girls. Fewer than 8% of young women send nude pics because they genuinely want to. Book: When You Lose It, Roxy and Gay Longworth.  Why do they sext? Seeking someone’s approval Long distance/online relationships, where there is a desire to have a sexual relationship Feeling confident in their looks and they want to share with other people Peer pressure Fun As a result of harassment, threats or blackmail What to do? Having regular talks about relationships, sex and consent. Use open questions, actively listen, and never be shocked.  What do they post about themselves? What sites do they use and what draws them there?  What types of attention are they looking for online and from whom?  How do they decide what information to share?  Set clear guidelines and firewalls. Boys? Adolescent boys are under enormous pressure to impress their peers. Ask boys why they would feel entitled to ask for these photos, knowing the pitfalls.  Ask them what pressures they feel from their friends and porn culture.  Do they know that it’s illegal to disseminate or ask for nude images of under age people? If something's happened: Speak to the school and parents of the other teenager to the get the material removed. The IWF can search for explicit images or videos of your child and remove them. Tell your girls about the #gurlsoutloud support hashtag. A free service to remove pictures of under 18’s online. https://takeitdown.ncmec.org/ Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with a

S1 E3 · Fri, January 14, 2022

Talking: How to talk so your teenager will listen, and dealing with teen sex in your home. 3

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Remember those years when your child followed you everywhere, and gazed at you with adoring eyes because you knew everything? Have they now turned into a teenager who simply grunts, or screams at you, when they occasionally emerge from their bedroom? Changes in a teenage brain help them to develop abstract thinking and self-reflection but they also make them hyper-critical and keen to develop emotional distance so they can practice life without you around. What to do: Daniel Siegel says we need to teach them to have reflective conversations: Numerous brain studies show that when we do this (either with someone else or in our own heads) it stimulates the integration of the prefrontal cortex where planning and problem solving takes place, and allows us to tune into others ie empathy.  How to do it: JoAnn Deak - Girls will be girls. Don’t assume or jump in straight away. Don’t move straight to the fix-it mode. Help them to explore what they’re saying.  Leave some grey areas. Discuss strategies for action. Don't overreact. Once you’re in the strategy phase that’s when your knowledge can help inform the teenager’s decisions.  Don’t be afraid to provide your moral/philosophical bottom line. There are so many grey areas it can be a relief to know there are some black and white’s. Techniques: Parent Gym based on how to talk so your kids will listen. Super silence and active listening. When to do it? Try to develop regular non-crisis moments where conversations can happen. Saying goodnight, car journeys, meal-times, fixing their bike.  Listen to the news together to start a discussion. Get them to entertain you. What’s the gossip? What are you reading? What have you been watching? What’s your favourite music at the moment? Take a genuine interest in their answers.  Books, and materials, we've referenced:  Brainstorm by Daniel Siegel How to talk so your Kids will listen; How to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish Girls will be girls: Raising Confident and Courageous Daughters by JoAnn Deak  Parent Gym coaching materials Tangling with your teenager Helen wrote 'My sixteen year old is dating and says he’s in love. What do I do if he brings her home and wants her to stay the night? Do I put them in the same room, or separate them?'  ISSUES: Explore your own  feelings about it, and why? Convey them to your child.  Talk to the other parents to find out how they feel about it. If they aren’t happy, talk to the son about what his alternatives are.  At age 1

S1 E2 · Fri, January 07, 2022

Alcohol: How to discuss it, and staying connected. Should we be letting our teenagers drink and what should we be telling them about it? Also, how to stay connected.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? You only have to scan the jokes on birthday cards in the shops to see how much drinking alcohol is ingrained in our culture as both fun and an escape from drudgery.  So there's little wonder that teenagers can be eager to join the club. But when should we let them start, and how do we keep them safe? And in tangling with our teenagers Alex asks "How do I stay connected with my teenager when they argue, and don’t seem to want me anymore?" Join Susie and Rachel as we combine the advice of experts, and our own experience, to tackle these problems. Interesting articles: The effect of peer pressure on drinking in Denmark: https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/16066350600691683 Books:  Alcohol Nation by Dr Aric Sigman Love Bombing by Oliver James How to talk so your kids will listen, how to listen so your kids will talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish. Definition of Binge Drinking:   The Royal College of Psychiatrists clearly defines binge drinking as drinking over 2.5 standard 175ml glasses of wine (6 units) for a fully-grown adult woman or 3.5 glasses for a man (8 units), in a short space of time.  Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk

S1 E1 · Thu, December 16, 2021

Your parenting toolbox and tidy teen rooms: Rummaging in your toolbox and how you get your teenager to tidy their room.

What do you think of this episode? Do you have any topics you'd like me to cover? Just when you thought that you’d got the hang of parenting, your child changes again... and now they're a teenager. In this episode, we have a rummage in your parenting toolbox to work out what’s in there, and how useful it actually is. And in Tangling with your Teenager, we gather all of your suggestions to answer Natalie’s question. ‘How do I get my son to do what I say, and tidy his room?’ Answers range from taking the door off to pretending there are mice in the room. Do you have any tips, or any great stories that will teach us what not to do? We'd love to hear from you, including any questions you'd like answered? Email us now: teenagersuntangled@gmail.com Or find us on www.teenagersuntangled.com https://instagram.com/teenagersuntangled Experts mentioned in the podcast: 👉🏻Www.aricsigman.com 👉🏻Jesper Juul: Your Competent Child Support the show Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message. I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com And my website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me: www.teenagersuntangled.com Find me on Substack Teenagersuntangled.substack.com Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/ Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/ You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk